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dsm

doom - evil unleashed 0.1

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Ok, so here's my first attempt at writing an individual fan fic. As y'all might have guessed this is yet another retelling of the game's story. If any of you notice aspects in my story that seem to be 'stolen' from your story then it's probably because I've drawn a lot of inspiration from other fan fics on this forum.
I decided to use the name which the id guys originally intended for Doom (rather than calling it: "Once again: Yet another Doom story!")

Doom: Evil Unleashed

The Beginning to the End – Part 1

"I wish something would happen for a change" I muttered as I relieved my buddy, Chris Andrews, who sat near the buzzing computer panels in the communication room of the main base. He was a tall, muscular, black-haired guy, who had ended up on Mars because he had wrecked his C.O.'s jeep. The C.O. never liked the marine so he arranged a "fitting holiday" on Mars for Andrews. He accepted his fate, but truthfully, he loathed the place as much as I did.
"Aw come on", he said, trying to smile at me. "Constantly bitchin' doesn't make Life easier. Why don't you look on the brighter side of things?"
I sighed, but he was right. Constantly moaning over one's fate only lowered the morale of the other troops, so I decided to keep quiet. "Relax", he said, looking over his shoulder as he walked out of the room. "Only three more months!"

"Three...!" I thought to myself, as images of the past entered my brain.

For three years I had been sucking dust on this sleepy base. The base was the main command and control center for the Union Aerospace Corporation's Martian base labs. The UAC, a multiplanetary conglomerate that had revived the now defunct NASA's space program almost a century ago, had originally been mining minerals and other materials on Mars along with conducting a few space-based research projects. Later they discovered the potential of the conditions on Mars, and as the UAC began having success in making a number of technical advancements, the military got interested. Now the military was largely involved in the research projects that the UAC had going.

I have never known my parents. I was told that they were killed in a UAC experiment that they were involved in and the only memory I had of them was a picture.
I joined the U.S. Marine Corps at an early age, and soon proved to be exceptionally tough and determined. Helen "Crash" Kaminsky, the boot camp instructor, an athletic, tough woman, whith whom it was best not to mess around with, was a brilliant combat instructor and I was quick to learn every aspect of weapon handling and using my survival instincts. After two years with the regular Marines, I joined the newly formed Special Space Drop Unit, an elite unit within the Marine Corps, which quickly achieved the reputation as one of Earth's toughest elite units.

I had better buddies in this unit, but some of my superiors were total jackasses, especially 1st Lieutenant Frank Stevenson. He always seemed to hate me, even if I pleased the rest of my superiors, and he seemed to be satisfied only when he could cause someone pain.

That man became the cause as to how I ended up on Mars.

-

"Still sulkin', huh?" Steve Henderson asked, ripping me out of my gloomy thoughts. "Well, Henderson's here to the rescue!" he grinned. I narrowed my eyes and gave the blond-haired marine a quick, hard look. He was probably the single most annoying person among my comrades here on this God forsaken ball of red rock with his tendency to poke fun of me. Henderson was slightly shorter than I and his curly hair gave him a boyish look. I could usually notice him from miles away, because of his roaring laughter, when he told one of his jokes and his bright hair. I disliked him, as he seemed to like being here and always made me feel how much he liked it. He had volunteered to be transferred here, I hadn’t.

I left the well-cleaned comm. room after having been relieved by Henderson and made my way to the rec. room – the only place where I could relax properly and bury my anger, except when Henderson was there which he wasn't now.

...

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i dont want you to like me because i follow you. i want you to like me because i am a likeable person.

Then you need to change your personality, because you're not a likeable person as it is.
Changing avatar is much easier than changing personality.

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this isnt me. you have to understand. i thought i could contain the stupidity deamon but its starting to overcome me. its like diablo 2.

Starting? Don't flatter yourself.

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I wish someone would tell me what they think of my story, so that I know if I should scrap it now, or continue working on it.

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this isnt me. you have to understand. i thought i could contain the stupidity deamon but its starting to overcome me. its like diablo 2.

No kidding.

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dsm -- Good story, it has great potential. A few grammatical errors, but other than that, very well written.
You might want to tell the story about the Lieutenant before Henderson comes in, btw.

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dsm -- Good story, it has great potential. A few grammatical errors, but other than that, very well written.
You might want to tell the story about the Lieutenant before Henderson comes in, btw.


Thanks for your comment, I appreciate that.
Grammatical errors: Hardly surprising as English isn't my native language. I'd be pleased if someone could point them out to me.

Story about the lieutenant: You'll read about it later in the story, don't worry. I just prefer to leave a few hints before I go into detail about what happened.

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Thanks a lot Archvile64!
Apart from just correcting regular mistakes you also showed me where to place certain commas :-)!

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I wish someone would tell me what they think of my story, so that I know if I should scrap it now, or continue working on it.


Great job. One of the better stories I have read here. Please continue.

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I wish someone would tell me what they think of my story, so that I know if I should scrap it now, or continue working on it.


Great job. One of the better stories I have read here. Please continue.


I'm flattered. One of the masters of Doom fanfics(TM) praising my work, wow.

I hope I'm able to keep the story decent.

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Cant wait for the next one. Ya know, isnt it funny? The real writing talent is in the gaming community, not the artsy fartsy one.

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I'm flattered. One of the masters of Doom fanfics(TM) praising my work, wow.

Why thank you :P

I hope I'm able to keep the story decent.

Don't worry, just keep up what you've been doing and it'll be more than decent.

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