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Dittohead

My adventures with a crazy, homicidal house cat.

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Here's the backstory.

I've been living with my girlfriend for little over a year now, in the midst of a 3 year relationship. I've been around her cats before we moved in as well. Everything has been just fine with both of them, until just recently. Usually, the cats are pretty spoiled. My girlfriend refers to them as her children ( I know), and they are used to being fed every 3 hours. So, last week when I was on the computer, the bigger cat comes into my room begging for food. This is usually done by just whining a lot until I get up to feed them. Well, as I was going into the bathroom to get the food tin out, and I accidently stepped on the paw of the smaller cat causing her to yelp just a little.

I didn't think anything of it, but then as I was heading back out into the hallway, I was attacked by the bigger cat. Now, I can sorta see that he may have thought I have trying to hurt her, but I have seen my girlfriend step on the cats before on accident and they just get out of the way. So thinking "wtf?!" I shake the cat from my leg (which has plenty of cuts on it now) and I just drop the food into their respective buckets and sprayed the cat with a water bottle until he retreated. I don't want to physically hit the cat because it would really piss off my girlfriend and it probably wouldn't do a lot of good anyway.

I let them both chill out for a while, and I come back and everything is alright. Fast forward to 2 days ago. I just came home from my lunch break and my girlfriend was preparing some food. As I headed to the same bathroom, I accidently stepped on the larger cat. This also ensued the cat to get quite angry and start attacking. Again I reached for the waterbottle to get it off me, and he eventually did. My girlfriend was alarmed, as was I, as this was the second encounter in just 2 weeks. Now, this is where it gets ridiculous.

About an hour ago I was once again sitting at my computer. Both cats come into the room requesting to be fed. So, like in the first encounter, I get up to feed them. The thing is about these cats is that they like to just get up in your business and literally will not leave you alone until you feed them. So as I'm trying not to step on them for fear of being clawed to death, I get the food from the tin. But the little one gets in my way again, and I run into her. Then, as expected, the larger cat becomes feral. I have never seen a cat get pissed like this. His ears went completely down, and started biting me in the leg, scratching up my ankles and just acting crazy. This time the water bottle is no where to be found and I kid you not; I was chased by this damn thing! And as ridiculous as it may be (and I hope you're enjoying the laugh), I couldn't get the thing to calm down no matter how much I tried to. This caused my girlfriend to wake up as she heard the noise in the living room, which only made the problem worse.

So there I am, in the corner of the damn living room. Cornered by a fucking HOUSE CAT. Its staring straight at me and making noises I have never heard before. My girlfriend is all concerned because she thinks I did something to the cat, which I haven't. So while I'm trying to explain this to her, the cat starts lurking towards me. And at that moment, I officially said "oh shit". So, I start to walk away... and it comes after me! I had to actually run into my room and close the door. The best part is that I could hear it outside my door making the same crazy noises it was before.

My question (finally) is how do I fix this? Has the cat just gone insane? He's only 9 years old, but I suppose it can happen. I doubt me running into them can really cause such a fiasco as I've seen every cat owner step on their cats by accident. For the record I'm not mean to these cats at all and before this last month I got along fine with them. But, for whatever reason, the one cat absolutely hates my guts. Whenever this cat sees me, it makes strange noises and starts to lurk towards me.

Its pretty strange. Any similiar experiences? And what would be the best course of action aside from killing it (because I know thats what you want to say)?

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Cats usually respond quite well to extended periods of worship.

Failing that, show it who's boss and teach it a lesson in fear. Methods are variable but they can learn their place eventually. Sounds like they got used to thinking they rule the place though. She may call them children, but it's not incredibly different from the real thing. I haven't had cat issues for years though. Mine would throw occasional fits, but I'd just hiss back and return its advances, then it would run off for a bit. If it thinks it can scare you off with a hissy-fit, it'll probably continue to do so until you show it otherwise.

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This might sound crazy, but there are cat therapists/investigators around. A lot of odd cases similar to this (there was one where a cat only attacked on Sundays) have been solved by those guys. I'm not saying that you have a case which requires such a person, but you might look into it if the vet doesn't find anything wrong.

But of course, the cat might just want its own shrine :P

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Shoot the bigger cat, it may teach the smaller one a lesson, if not, shoot both, but be prepared to have to shoot your g/f.

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My suggestion is to stop stepping on the cats. It really is not that hard to watch where you're going, is it? In the entire 12 years or so we've had my cat, she's only been stepped on twice by 2 different people, and only one of them was me.

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Ya, like quas said, don't step on it. Among several other things kitties do not like to be stepped on. At all.

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Hahaha!

I can pick my cat up, push it around, slide it out of the way on the floor, and it just lies there.

killing it? hell no, lock it in a room, just make its day hell without even harming it. And if it attacks you, get a super soaker. throw it in a pet taxi. anything, just don't run away, it's a CAT!

If all else fails, pretend it's fourth down. either run or kick.

That cat won't be under your feet ever again.

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For the two cats living in the house I'm in, I tend to subscribe to the 'good swift kick' policy. As horrible as it sounds, those little bastards stay out of my room, and , with the fear of foot in them, don't dare to attack me. I may be horrible towards pets, but at this point in time I actually get along great with the cats simply because the ground rules have been set. Just something to consider.

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your cats are pwning you.

Problem number one is they way you are feeding them. Humans should eat before animals. This teaches the little bastards that they are not the number one being in the household. The whole alpha animal theory.

I fucking hate cats anyway, so you'll not loose any precious dn respect points by booting the little fucker through a window into the path of an oncoming truck.

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It sounds like a territory problem. this cat sees you as a threat to its lifestyle. The best thing to try is bonding with this cat, during one of its calm states, or during feeding time sit with him and pet him and try and just be patient with the cat. It's an older cat so they're usualy pretty lovable when they trust you.
Or he might be going senile. 9 isnt very old but mental problems can get aggravated by a sudden change in environment.

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Feed and pet the cat when your grilfriend is not there, and she will accept you.
Behind my house, there are roofs and cats on it. One of them refused to get caressed, but accepted food. I insisted in caressing him (a male), and now he reclaims caresses and food.

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heh, he's calmed down now. He was actually begging me for food a minute ago. Strange.

Yeah I guess next time I'm going to have to be more forceful. I have a big ass water bottle filled with a sprayer so next time I just need to grab it and let him have it.

Again, I can't use physical force here.

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Quasar said:

My suggestion is to stop stepping on the cats. It really is not that hard to watch where you're going, is it? In the entire 12 years or so we've had my cat, she's only been stepped on twice by 2 different people, and only one of them was me.

Regardless of what was done to the cat, it's not right that it's chasing him around the house.

And you're feeding it once every three hours whenever it whines at you? Who's the owner here?

You say that you can't use physical force, but if it's attacking you there's not much else you can do. One thing you can do is grab it by the scruff of the neck. You can pick it up by grabbing the skin on its back just below the neck and lock it in a room somewhere until it calms down. Mother cats actually carry their kittens this way so it's quite safe to do.

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If they are house cats, you really shouldn't be feeding them so often. Just twice a day, otherwise they'll get fat. If they already are fat, then feed them just a cup of food per mealtime.

Oh yeah, and by the way:

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fraggle said:

Regardless of what was done to the cat, it's not right that it's chasing him around the house.

And you're feeding it once every three hours whenever it whines at you? Who's the owner here?

You say that you can't use physical force, but if it's attacking you there's not much else you can do. One thing you can do is grab it by the scruff of the neck. You can pick it up by grabbing the skin on its back just below the neck and lock it in a room somewhere until it calms down. Mother cats actually carry their kittens this way so it's quite safe to do.

That is only true for young cats, fraggle. You can injure an adult cat by carrying it this way because of their much greater body weight.

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Sounds like my late cat. Of course she never got violent but insisted to be fed and petted frequently to the extent of waking you up at night demanding to have her belly rubbed.

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Boot it and teach it it's role.

This happened last month to my uncle at my aunt's house actually and it put a hole in his hand with a mammoth bite. The same exact thing you described.

You can treat it like a king or show it who's boss.

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Ralphis said:

Boot it and teach it it's role.

This happened last month to my uncle at my aunt's house actually and it put a hole in his hand with a mammoth bite. The same exact thing you described.

You can treat it like a king or show it who's boss.

Quasar said:

That is only true for young cats, fraggle. You can injure an adult cat by carrying it this way because of their much greater body weight.

yes well maybe it's bodyweight would be less likely to injure it if it didn't require feeding fifteen times a day.

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Quasar said:
My suggestion is to stop stepping on the cats.

The cat is jealous, and thus already hostile. Giving it even more leeway is the wrong way to go.

The cat needs to learn you're not going anywhere, and that being hostile is a problem for itself, and not a solution.

Dittohead said:
My girlfriend is all concerned because she thinks I did something to the cat, which I haven't.

Which is likely what the cat perceives and tends to want her to think.

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It's not going to be easy, really. The cats already feel superior to you in the great scheme of things, and that perception is not easily manipulated.

Do the cats need to be manually fed every three hours? Unlike dogs, some cats are quite good at moderating themselves when it comes to reckless eating. My cat simply eats whenever she feels like it, isn't overweight, and in the rare cases she overindulges, she'll just puke a rather dry and unoffensive pile of chewed food.

This might not be an option, so you two gotta change their feeding habits, really. If you eat something in front of them, do they sit patiently for a piece? Or do they actually try to steal it from you? If you even go as far as offering them food from the very source you're eating and not just a small separate portion, do they accept it?

Also, keep the eye contact, and don't be scared. Make them stare down, even if it takes ages and makes your eyes bleed for mercy.

It's unlikely they'll come to love you, really, but remember you are massive compared to them; animals which rely on facing you sideways, arching their back and fluffying their fur make these laughable (to you) attempts to appear larger. If you cannot be scared away easily they won't dare fight for real. Kicking won't really help, they're obviously terribly vindictive by your description, but stomp your feet, yell, even hiss at them. Crouch a bit, look menacing. And lots of eye contact.

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fill the bowl to the brim and walk away


check on it like once every 2 days, if its empty, fill it back up

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We used to fill up our cat bowl all the way(it was that square one with two fillers) but we soon realized our cats were eating way too much and would beg me for food at 3 am over the summer. We give them at least 2 handfuls in each little cup two times a day now and for some odd reason they'll eat less then before. Our cats aren't really overweight cept for the 12 year old, but he's 12 what do you expect. The other two are perfectly fine. Now onto the cat problem you have, what you should do is buy those dessert treats for cats at the grocery store, call the cats name when you shake the bottle and start feeding it a few. If you do this often you can usually let the cat learn to trust you or in rare cases come to you whenever you call there name.

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Despite the humorous direction this thread has taken, saying "don't run away from it, it's just a cat" won't really help, and is a bad idea if a cat is really pissed off.
Remember it's an animal, still not as domesticated as a dog. It has claws, fangs, and a killer instinct. If a fucking HOUSE CAT jumped to shred your legs to pieces, there wouldn't be much you could do. It's almost impossible to catch a cat that absolutely-positively doesn't want to be caught, therefore - almost impossible to make it retreat when it's desperate to attack you.

Just as everyone has said - show the cats who's the boss around. You could use the old trick (but it tends to work on young, or educated cats only), and hit it quickly in it's nose (but be very delicate), when he's acting like a jerk-off. Cats recognize this action, as female cats hit their young when they're disobedient. Snapping fingres right before it's face also shocks them for a second.
If you want to punish a cat - never doubt. The cat doesn't really give a shit if it hurts or not, but he can feel if you're definite, and angry with him.

And tell your g/f not to spoil any further pets, as it's more and more diffcult to teach them their place in the world as they're getting older and larger.

However, it's not easy - My cat has a total control over the enitre family :P but he's just a cuddle toy, and he never gets agressive. He eats meals with us (yep, he eats with enitre family sitting by the table, on his own chair with his own bowl)...

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Bloodskull said:

call the cats name... in rare cases come to you whenever you call there name.

My cat comes to where I'm at anytime I say "cat" ^_^

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You know, I bet I could sit there for a couple hours and watch you and the cat and tell what's wrong. I seem to have good rapport with animals. Most of the time people have a problem with animals it's because they're giving out all the wrong signals. Communication between animals is 95% through body language.

ellmo said:

However, it's not easy - My cat has a total control over the enitre family :P but he's just a cuddle toy, and he never gets agressive. He eats meals with us (yep, he eats with enitre family sitting by the table, on his own chair with his own bowl)...

...

That's very weird.

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