any "experts" [botanists] here?

I have to do a school-related science project about the effects of sounds/music on plant life and I need to interview four "experts", so I was wondering if anyone here could qualify as an "expert". If someone who thinks that they qualify as an "expert" (I think if you are a botanist or have taken college courses on plants and shit you qualify) then please send me a PM if you have a few minutes, I only have 4 questions that I need to ask. Sorry about making this post here, I figured doomworld probably had everything and that it was worth a try to ask around here.

I thought you were going to ask for tips on growing weed.

You would.

BBG probably qualifies. :P

Whatever kind of music moves the most air. This was tested before and metal was the best music to get plants growing. Maybe some bass heavy hiphop or jungle might do better with subs.

The more air moves, the more plants can breathe. Speakers move air.

Talking to your plant is probably best. Not even from the little air movement, but the carbon dioxide. So you could say having long conversations with your plants is the best.

The cops will find your grow-op easier if it's blasting metal.

live music combines the benifits CO2 and air stimulation. I recommend a goth band however, as plants absorb more Carbon Dioxide when it's dark.

darknation said:

as plants absorb more Carbon Dioxide when it's dark.

No they don't. :P

They need to photosynthesize. Electric Light Orchestra?

Natural light works best. KC and the Sunshine Band?

Aphids. Lots and lots of aphids. I'd also try using j-punk.

Right, except that this is a serious school project (haha, I sound like a fool) so uhhh.... I can't grow weed.

Watch out for church radicals advocating the opposite and "banning" your work because of the satanism in metal music.

I hope your school teachers or principals are not of the type.

Here's some odd stuff:
http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1852747_1854195_1854192,00.html
and
http://www.reuters.com/article/scienceNews/idUSLD33620320080814?feedType=RSS&feedName=scienceNews