Pull a conspiracy theory out of your ass thread

* hard bristle tooth brushes. Go to any store and I bet you'll find 50 medium/soft tooth brushes per 1 hard bristle tooth brush (if any). This ratio is caused by campaign contributions from dentists.. they know hard bristles clean teeth better, but they profit from cavities so don't want people using them. The only hard bristle tooth brush I found was in a double pack too, another deterrent because you have to buy 2.

* Alcohol is like social lubricant. It makes it easier to talk to girls and easier to impregnate them with future tax payers. This alone is why its a legal drug.

It's time to stop posting.

EDIT: You know what, fuck it! I'm diving in.

1. Hard bristle tooth brushes wear down enamel quicker then medium or soft. They can also irritate gums and cause them to recede. Dentists have nothing to do with it.

2. Alcohol is a legal drug because people made it legal. Remember the Alcohol Prohibition?

All right, anyone who tries to debunk these theories is obviously in on them. Don't believe technician! He's a dentist who works for the government!

I just went to the dentist for cavity I have and you know what they did?!

They gave me a flouride paste for free so I can put it on my teeth and build back up minerals I lost from not brushing nearly as often as I should.

Doesn't seem like they're conspiring against me all that much.

If there is one conspiracy I commit to it would be the accumulative long term damage of fluorides but the dentists does not conspire with it.

On second thought, this could be an interesting thread.

gggmork was created by a secret government lab to elicit sighs so powerful that his deployment on forums generates enough wind energy to power the factories that created him.

You're all hard-bristle-banning dentists who work for the government, force people to assume fluoride to better control their minds and then suggest them to "go for a drink" to perpetuate the plight of the underclasses.

On top of that, I bet most of said dentists are ZOG manipulated JewHebrewAlbanianTurkAmerican freemason subhuman mongols.

Proletarians of the Earth, Unite!

gggmork said:

The only hard bristle tooth brush I found was in a double pack too, another deterrent because you have to buy 2.

Having the opportunity to buy toothbrushes half as often is a deterrent?

Actually, the notion that fluoride is good for teeth is a clever bit of aluminium industry spin-doctoring. They're sitting on millions of tons of what's otherwise a worthless by-product, so creating a market for the stuff is only common sense. It also means the occasional uncontrolled release into the environment - which once would have been considered an ecological disaster - can be trumpeted as a contribution to public health and potentially earn the company responsible millions in tax credits.

Fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face.

Fluoridation of tap water is the best thing ever. With my teeth protected by fluoride, I can get away with giving them just one hard-bristle scrub every week or so.

ZOG did 9/11

CODOR said:

Fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face.

My precious bodily fluids! Purity of essence!

Maes said:

ZOG did 9/11

I love Maes.

Back on topic...

What about tooth fillings? There was an article I'm too lazy to find that said fillings for cavities are part mercury (very volatile indeed)and dentists know that, but they don't stop using them because they are much cheaper. After all, you give a person a filling and they leave you alone for at least 6 months, so why be bothered with personal details?

Then again, this is all pretty far-fetched. If it is true then? ...called it.

Creaphis said:

Fluoridation of tap water is the best thing ever. With my teeth protected by fluoride, I can get away with giving them just one hard-bristle scrub every week or so.

Fluoride isn't a protect-ant. It's simply an antiseptic.

There is a cure for AIDS, Majic Johnson?

imp1979 said:

There is a cure for AIDS, Majic Johnson?

You see, there is a cure for AIDs and it's called common sense.

ATi hired the guy who hacked Valve and leaked the Half-Life 2 beta source.

Allow me to explain - in 2002, when the Doom 3 alpha got leaked, there was evidence that suggested that the alpha was the one id provided to ATi for chipset testing. There were rumors at the time that ATi was striking a deal to bundle Doom 3 with their next generation graphics cards. Well, the leak probably cost them their bundle deal.

So later down the line, rumors were circling that ATi was getting a bundle deal for the soon to be released Half-Life 2, prior to its 14-month delay. Once it's confirmed, some anonymous party cracks his way into Valve and gets his hands on the beta. Since this time, ATi did not directly perpetrate the hack, they don't lose the bundle deal. Valve is forced to delay the game's release, and the bundle deal is changed so that purchasers of the new graphics cards would get vouchers to redeem upon the game's eventual release. The vouchers continue being bundled with ATi cards for the 14 months that the game is delayed, thus increasing their sales solely because of the bundle. So it would appear that ATi has a motive for hiring the hacker.

Technician said:

Alcohol is a legal drug because people made it legal. Remember the Alcohol Prohibition?

Which reminds me of something: marijuana was banned not long after the Alcohol Prohibition was repealed because the government wanted to find
a different drug to ban.

Global Warming is a theory fabricated by secretive underground animist cults to overthrow the sustaining powers of government and gain control over the British belief system in the hope of neutralizing the environmental threat and effectively formulating the Anti-industrial Revolution. The scheme coincides with the notorious depression acclimatized by the British public toward antagonistic weather and the eventual sinking/deteriorating of England’s low-lying beaches and settlements, an occurrence which is in fact to be caused not by the proposed theory but by a series of highly erosive deconstructions placed strategically throughout key points of Britain’s weakened composites in order to lower the mainland into the Earth's crust - a project dubbed internally as the Bill Alkaline Event. Coupled with an increasing disinterest in human, terrestrial and mathematical sciences in favour of intangible superstitions, reality TV shows and celebrity culture, this occurrence will shortly be followed by a major rally hosted by the same organisations in order to usurp the government with the claim that they have sought only to dupe the public into the belief of false promises and that the ground as a result has become severely "depressed" in response, having sunk deep into the ground to escape the lies and slander.

A New and united Britain, under the leadership of the BAP (British Animist Party) then proceeds to accuse the United States on the grounds that their oil slurping antics has caused the Earth to literally bleed to death. All out war ensues, Global Warming finally submerges the vast majority of the planet, and Australia gets to hold on to their last ever Ashes victory for the remainder of eternity.

You're all Anti-Dentite bastards...

WildWeasel said:

ATi hired the guy who hacked Valve and leaked the Half-Life 2 beta source.

And Creative patented something carmack created just to get him to place EAX support in the game. blackmail at its finest eh?

Putting your penis in water with Salt, enlarges the flesh into Hellknight standards.

Holy shit Anonymous is under attack!

I now go jack off to Bonsai Kittens.

Courtney killed Kurt.

Maes said:

Holy shit Anonymous is under attack!

I was wondering why it wasn't loading yesterday.

CODOR said:

Fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face.

No, the Moon Landing is.

I am alien.

Is that a conspiracy theory or a personal confession?

Maes said:

Holy shit Anonymous is under attack!

What's the bet the credit card companies have turned to the Russian Mafia (one of their traditional enemies) and hired a botnet to attack 4Chan.

After Nintendo conquered the video game market with the Wii, Sony and Microsoft obviously want their share. When they invest everything in casual waggling, Nintendo will release a new console with only hardcore games for hardcore gamers, and Sony and MS will be left with the now-extinct casual audience. Everything Nintendo does and releases is part of their master plan.

hervoheebo said:

After Nintendo conquered the video game market with the Wii, Sony and Microsoft obviously want their share. When they invest everything in casual waggling, Nintendo will release a new console with only hardcore games for hardcore gamers, and Sony and MS will be left with the now-extinct casual audience. Everything Nintendo does and releases is part of their master plan.

This is almost believable, if it had occured after the GC. But the wii has almost no 3rd party support. And to tell you the honest to god truth, I've seen well over a dozen wii's at people's homes. Every one of them was at a home with people that have children that have grown up and left the home already. I have NEVER under any circumstances seen one of these 'wii' console things turned on or operate in some manner. I think the real conspiracy is something more sinister. Such as, but our uselees crap and use it once and let it collect dust until you decide to throw it away in 4 years, look at how successful our console was in sales!

Seriously, I've never seen a wii operate and I've seen tons of these fucking things sitting there. My mother has one for fucks sake.

* All can opener production is controlled by a powerful cartel that makes sure they're designed to break in a few months so you have to keep buying new ones. Think about it, why sell 1 can opener per individual lifetime, when you can sell 50 and use a big chunk of that extra profit to research how to make them break reliably and throw the cartel's weight around, hiring thugs to make sure any new can opener businesses comply and give you a percentage.

* Mercury in food like tuna actually gives people xmen-like powers if a great enough quantity is consumed. World leaders in the know wanted to limit this power to themselves so they started a massive propaganda campaign about how mercury is bad for you. All politics is secretly based on who has the most mutant powers. Obama is currently on top with an ability to shoot telepathic fried chicken beams and use watermelon shields.

* Ewoks are real aliens, some of which were held hostage by the government on earth, who have the strange biological ability to see through TV sets into the homes of viewers. The government learned how to extract this information from their brains after many experiments, and forced them to act in the movie star wars in order to spy on the populace, making sure the movie was popular. They later had reason to believe the secret would leak so purged the whole operation, killing all the ewoks and releasing a new shitty version of star wars so the whole franchise would become annoying in the public's mind and fizzle out over time.