The Response

One week left to Evangelical Texas circle-jerk.

So, who here in Texas is going to this thing? I bet the money spent on this fiasco could have done some real good. It's obvious to why Rick Perry is doing this.

A few suicide bombers in the crowd would make for a truly memorable event.

Church and government working together?

Well, with seriousness, I read through the page and it just sounds... I mean did I actually see the word "fasting" in there? Like, starving yourself?

GreyGhost said:

A few suicide bombers in the crowd would make for a truly memorable event.

America would love that. They can remove more rights and freedoms to a willing public.

0:30 pray fast like jesus did?

deargodfucktheromansamen

alsohahahahahatheytotallyboughtthismessiahshitlol

brbmakinabigsceneonthecrosstheygavemeahatwhatthehellisthisteamfortress2?

Though my favorite abridged prayers are ones starting with God and ending in amen shortened to "gay men".

Looks retarded. Would suck to be one of those people who spends his entire life thinking everything is in crisis.

yellowmadness54 said:

did I actually see the word "fasting" in there?

Limiting yourself to 3 big macs a day counts as fasting. The first daily ritualistic big mac eaten is The Father, the second is The Son and the third is the Holy Ghost. Here is a useful chart simplifying it in boolean algebra:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b3/Shield-Trinity-Scutum-Fidei-English.svg
Ronald McDonald is god and goes in the middle, and a big mac goes in each outer node. When you eat all 3 big macs you complete the full triforce causing that day's sins to be abolished to the world of gannondorf. If you are out of big macs, you can use crackers, but not fish crackers because their orangeness symbolizes the flames of satan and their cuteness can cause snickering, which would be a sin in an otherwise solemn ritual. But big macs are preferred because they have a special sauce that increases your midichlorian count. Such food is only holy if bought with tax free donations. Eat the body of god. DO IT FAGGOT

The Response:
There is hope for America. It lies in heaven, and we will find it on our knees.

No, I'm pretty sure it's on Earth and you can find it without giving some imaginary guy a blow.

gggmork said:

Ronald McDonald is god and goes in the middle, and a big mac goes in each outer node. When you eat all 3 big macs you complete the full triforce causing that day's sins to be abolished to the world of gannondorf. If you are out of big macs, you can use crackers, but not fish crackers because their orangeness symbolizes the flames of satan and their cuteness can cause snickering, which would be a sin in an otherwise solemn ritual. But big macs are preferred because they have a special sauce that increases your midichlorian count. Such food is only holy if bought with tax free donations. Eat the body of god. DO IT FAGGOT

*listens to pagan metal band The Burger Kings' new album "666 Whoppers"*

yellowmadness54 said:

Church and government working together?

An extract from the second to final scene of Wilfred Holstead's 1994 film, What Walks on Water:

BARTLAND HATHERSBY:
'I'm sorry Thomas, but we need more limestone. The wall's just not high enough. it simply won't hold!'

JEFFERSON:
'Well shit Bartland, why weren't we prepared for this? We knew this would happen. We always knew this would happen.'

FAPWORTH:
'Mr. President, we can't hold on for much longer, there's too many of them. There's got to be another way!'

JEFFERSON
'Hold it together Fappy, we're not through yet. Madson, get ready to release the catch on those nitrogen wagons. We'll show them what happens when they fuck with the Democratic-Republican Party. Geoffrey...

GEOFFREY BEDFELLOW:
'Yes Mr. President?'

JEFFERSON:
'You know what to do.'

(whisper; to self)'...It should never have come to this. Everything I had ever worked for. Everything I had ever hoped to accomplish... ripped apart by the manacles of superstition...'

FAPWORTH:
'Mr President... THEY'RE BREAKING THROUGH THE WALLS!'

JEFFERSON:
'Alright men this is it. Whatever horror comes out of that ruinous line you will stand your ground and YOU WILL NOT lose your conviction. Whatever books they hold, garments they bare or nonsense they blither you will bar yourself from senselessness and you will uphold the First Amendment. Tonight, gentlemen, we fight for more than just our freedom, so don't you even for a SECOND think it Braveheart. Mel Gibson was a anti-Semitic lunatic and his assassination was the best thing that ever happened to this country except for maybe the Soul and R&B revival. No, this is the identity of our nation we're fighting for, the one thing that keeps the religious silt that layers this great earth from seeping through to the core of our society. So when when we look back on this day and wonder if what we went through was worth the risk and the lives of--'

(looks about, sees everyone else dead)

JEFFERSON:
Oh. Well... It was all a bit metaphorical really.

It should be like this:

Praying in a stadium? Boring!

Why can't Christian nutjobs be more imaginative, like hippie nutjobs are? I mean, just compare that to Yogic Flying Day or International Fucking Festival. Those make just as much rational sense, but they're fun.

Can I do this at home or will it only work if I go to Texas?

http://theresponseusa.com/host/

I think I'll attend the Day of Debauchery & Gluttony instead.