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Man of Doom

Doom and Mental Health (or at least, my own story about it)

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So I'd like to get serious for a little while. I apologize for the novel that's about to follow.

 

Before I truly begin, I'd like to address why this thread exists in the first place. Lately, the topics of depression and even suicide have become more prevalent and even mainstream, namely due to the string of deaths (especially suicides) that have occurred both in my personal life and in the news. Unfortunately, the world has become a place where people don't want to live in it anymore, and that's a fact of life that can and SHOULD be changed. The purpose of this thread is to take a topic such as mental health and apply it to Doom.

So the original Doom is a game that holds a special place in my heart, as its nostalgia factor warmed most of my childhood and its thematic relevance carries well into my adulthood. I find it to be far more than the "adolescent power fantasy" that many consider it to be (something that Doom 2016 embraces wholeheartedly, and there's nothing wrong with that!). 

In fact, I've found myself coming back to it during the better times of my life, and especially during the rougher chapters of my life. I remember that when my first girlfriend dumped me, I booted up Deus Vult II (with Russian Overkill, I believe). Normally, I would take breaks every now and then due to exhaustion (usually about 9-10 levels before I needed to take a break). This time around, I was in such a low place and I found myself with nothing more gratifying to do, especially with the hundreds of demons involved. I only took one break to eat something, and I remember feeling so much better after finishing it. Of course, that's just one example.

 

Next, let's take a look at the Doomguy himself. Of course, John Romero meant the Doomguy to be just nothing more than a blank cipher for the player to fill their shoes. However, what little story we have of him is basically him assaulting his CO due to the latter giving an order to fire on civilians, getting reassigned to Mars (or Phobos), and him taking matters into his own hands after his squad gets wiped out by an unknown threat.

Next, after his all-out assault against the invaders culminates in the Mastermind's demise, he finds the green fields of Earth being ravaged by demons. Then he has to clean up the mess left behind and finally destroy the source, which is none other than the Icon of Sin. Then after that series of events, he gets to clean up even more messes on Earth and Jupiter's moons (assuming that Final Doom is canon). Finally, after destroying yet another demon lord that resurrected the demons on Mars, the Doomguy finally decides to stay in Hell so that no demon can ever rise from the ashes. Canonically speaking, if we were to take his various adventures of all fan-made PWADs, then they would most likely take place after his decision to stay in Hell. This can even lead extra credence to the "Doomslayer is Doomguy" theory.
However, these events do have a much darker and more tragic implication as to the state of Doomguy's mental health.

Now, let's look at the passage of time in all of these events.
So, I take it the Doomguy is approximately in his early twenties when he gets kicked off Earth, so that's about a few months between that and the original distress call from Phobos.
The events of the original Doom (between the first demon encounter and the Spiderdemon's death) should take about a matter of days or even weeks at max. His only interaction with other human beings at this time is with his squadmates just before they get massacred.
Given how larger the maps in Doom 2 are, I can assume that the events of that will most likely be several months. Most likely his only human interaction is possibly a radio telling him to destroy the source of the invasion.
So as a reprieve, he does seem to have more interactions with humans after the events of Doom 2, but it doesn't seem to last for long, as the events of Final Doom kick in. This reprieve could last from months to a few years, but already the Doomguy that's already faced the music twice is barely a shadow of what he used to be just before the original incident on Mars.

This is where the traumatic stress has kicked in.

 

Given how Plutonia is back on Earth while TNT partially takes place on Io, the events of the former would likely take a couple of months and the events on Io could actually take a couple of years (due to the space travel involved). However, they would likely take place at separate points in time, meaning that one could take place after the other. That being said, he would likely have had more contact with humans preceding the events of TNT.
Finally, we have the events of Doom 64 where the Doomguy returns to Mars for one final mission. The demons this time around have not only been resurrected, they've been mutated to be deadlier and far more dangerous than anything the Doomguy has come across so far. Between his initial deployment and the Motherdemon's demise, it would take about twice as long as the events in the original campaign, considering the new tricks and traps he didn't account for. Contact with other humans is minimal, only taking place before the events of Doom 64.
And after that, we have the various PWADs that he has to go through. Given how the community is still going strong for almost 25 years at this time, we can assume that his various campaigns through Hell have lasted years, decades, or even centuries/millennia because Hell itself is a dimension of pure chaos made manifest (we'll get to that later).

This is where the loneliness and isolation truly start to set in.

Even during the events of the original Doom and Doom 2, Doomguy's contact with other people has been minimal at best and nonexistent at worst. Let's just say that isolation and loneliness does crazy things to someone. It inflicts clear physical, mental, and emotional damage on someone, rewiring the brain to the point where even basic interactions with another human being can set off alarm bells. In combination with all the traumatic stress he's had to endure, the isolation becomes something of a self-fulfilling prophecy. The mind-altering supernatural artifacts and UAC-brand narcotics he consumed such as the Berserk Pack and Invulnerability Sphere do NOT help things either.
In fact, it's not really a matter of what he was like before the demonic invasions. Doomguy could have been the most popular kid in high school with a smoking hot girlfriend or he could have been a shut-in with no real close friends. Whatever he was prior to the Mars incident, all of that has been wiped away in the blink of an eye.

As a result, he had actively avoided contact with other people, to the point where UAC officials and commanding officers simply point in the general direction of a demon-infested base, usually with as minimal interaction as possible. In fact, killing demons has become an ancillary action at this point. In order to stop himself from accidentally shooting a friendly marine, he has to work alone.
He knows how exactly to clean the blood and guts from his double-barrel that he disemboweled a Baron with, but doesn't even remember his own name anymore.

He knows the proper rituals to satiate the crying souls hidden within his Unmaker but doesn't even make eye contact in his terse conversations with his superiors, often staring blankly at the wall.
As much as he embraces conflict with demons, he often recedes back into his shell if he so much as hears a raised voice.
If he could speak at all, it would most likely be in a gentle and almost-hushed tone of voice, yet his bloodcurdling screams of rage against the demons would be enough for even Hell Nobles to soil themselves in terror. He would speak, if it weren't for the fact he's not all "there" anymore.

 

This is why the infamous "Imp Encounter" story makes more sense if you look past its shock value. In fact, this is why the game's original slogan "where the sanest place is behind a trigger" makes perfect sense. This is also why the caricatures of Doomguy found in the Doom comic and Brewtal Deum are dangerously inaccurate.

 

As for Hell itself, it's not just a place of fire and brimstone either. It is quite literally a dimension of infinite chaos, taking many forms and showing no mercy. One plane could resemble a UAC security complex, another plane could be a set of Egyptian ruins, and another could be an Escher-like maze where one could accidentally end up trapped for eternity if they're not vigilant of the clues given to them.
Sometimes, Hell doesn't even exist as a place.

It could be a sensation where excruciating pain and orgasmic pleasure meet.

It could be the never-ending chorus of inhuman wailing against a pitch-black nothingness.

It could be an endless space of falling through a non-euclidean space for an undefined period of time.

It could be the rot that eats away at Doomguy's mind, telling him that he is worthless and should just end his pathetic waste of a life while he still can.
As Dr. Weir once said, "Hell is just a word. The reality is much, much worse."


And let's just say that these past few years are quite possibly the roughest years of my life so far. In all of my young adulthood so far, I have only made a few close friends, to begin with, and not much else. My social and conversational skills are ok; they aren't amazing, but not horrible either. However, the past couple of years in dealing with people has just been hell. Let's just say that not only did I fall out with people I once considered my closest friends, I have had more negative experiences with people than I did positive.

In fact, 2018 so far is pretty much the year where my mental health just completely shat the bed. I won't get into personal details, but a series of unfortunate events have pretty much caused me to admit that I could actually have depression (I was actually told I was exhibiting several behavioral patterns that fall into line with the condition). Case in point, I am completely unable to cry and my emotional range has all but shriveled up. I find myself as constantly bothering people when that may not be the case.

But if in case you're wondering, I do plan to seek out professional help, talk to more people, and find something to keep myself occupied. 

I wanted to keep my own health description short and sweet to avoid venting my spleen because this is still a Doom-related topic.
 

Going back to the Doomguy, part of his decision to remain in Hell is fueled by the loneliness only the demons could alleviate at this point. Back on Earth, Doomguy was just a number, an asset, a toy soldier to the military. To civilians, he was seen as a loner, a freak, and a pariah (or at least, that was how it was perceived to him). But in Hell, Doomguy is so much more. In Hell, he has a purpose and a reason to live. There, he is the Scourge of Hell, the Harbinger of Order, the Hell Walker, the Last of the Night Sentinels, the Doomslayer.

In a similar way, Doom has helped me through the tougher portions of my life by showing me that one day I'll have a purpose in life, and it'll be the one thing that will bring me joy, or at least contentment. No, I don't plan on using Doom as a substitute for proper human healing, but I still would like to very much keep it an integral aspect of my life no matter what happens. I know it's been there for me for as long I can remember.


Thank you all for coming to this TED Talk.

 

So how has Doom contributed to one's mental health and how they address it?

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4 hours ago, Man of Doom said:

I do plan to seek out professional help

 

So how has Doom contributed to one's mental health and how they address it?

 

Man of Doom, you sound like you're dealing with some challenges. I encourage you to seek out someone you trust, and confide in her/him. Better yet, also speak with someone who might be in a position to help you deal with your inner conflicts.

 

Although playing DooM might seem therapeutic at times, it is not a substitute for interacting with an empathetic person. And, while you have prepared a reasonable psycho-profile of DoomGuy, it would be a mistake to identify with him to the point that you believe you can solve problems of isolation by battling pixellated demons.

 

My sincerest wishes for your improved well-being.

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I just play Doom because it's a game and you kill Demons. Of perfectly sound mind. That's all there is to say.

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1 hour ago, ReX said:

 

Man of Doom, you sound like you're dealing with some challenges. I encourage you to seek out someone you trust, and confide in her/him. Better yet, also speak with someone who might be in a position to help you deal with your inner conflicts.

 

Although playing DooM might seem therapeutic at times, it is not a substitute for interacting with an empathetic person. And, while you have prepared a reasonable psycho-profile of DoomGuy, it would be a mistake to identify with him to the point that you believe you can solve problems of isolation by battling pixellated demons.

 

My sincerest wishes for your improved well-being.

 

While I do hold Doom in a very high regard, I don’t really plan on using it as substitution for speaking with an empathetic person. In fact, too much Doom can actually cause even more isolation by failing to interact with other people, instigating a cycle of even more isolation. Good things are handled in moderation, after all. 

 

And while I do empathize with Doomguy in terms of his isolation, trying to solve it by just playing Doom isn’t going to solve that. The real answer is something I have to discover for myself in the real world. 

 

I do make it a point to try reaching out to someone who’s able to be empathetic, but finding one in the first place is the hard part. 

 

Like I’ve said, I’ve had more negative experiences with people than positive ones, and finding someone who might be able to help me address my past traumas has proven to be rather difficult so far. 

 

I very much appreciate the concern, and thank you for taking the time to read what would otherwise be a massive wall of text. 

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When I was younger I used to really wish I could live among those fictional worlds and maps, whether it was Doom or D&D or Half-Life. I'm also a big sci fi/fantasy world and can relate to that feeling of having a purpose but wanting to remain a pariah, a loner. Likewise I feel the Doom community and the desire to share creations with complete strangers brings a kind of acceptance that's harder to find in the real world - you do your own thing, others play it, you go back off to playing on your own...

 

In a way it saddens me that I don't feel that pull as strongly anymore, even though I guess I'm happier in the other areas of my life now.

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13 hours ago, Man of Doom said:

... finding someone who might be able to help me address my past traumas has proven to be rather difficult so far.

I agree that finding someone to trust and speak with about deep-rooted issues is not always easy. But cast a wider net if you haven't found someone in your circle of family, friends, or coworkers. If you have a job, perhaps your company has an employee-assistance program that will give you free counseling for the initial sessions. If you are in school/college, there ought to be a counselor with whom you can speak for free. Most states have programs that will direct you to resources, including free counseling.

 

Do not resort to alcohol & narcotics use, as that will almost certainly compound your emotional health issues in very short order.

 

The good thing is that you recognize your feelings of isolation, and are willing to seek help to address the issue.

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20 hours ago, Man of Doom said:

Unfortunately, the world has become a place where people don't want to live in it anymore, and that's a fact of life that can and SHOULD be changed.

Couldn't disagree more with this. You can't change the world, you can only change how you see it, and how you deal with it.

 

And just for the record, I like living in this world in spite of the issues that exist these days.

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8 minutes ago, Nine Inch Heels said:

Couldn't disagree more with this. You can't change the world, you can only change how you see it, and how you deal with it.

 

And just for the record, I like living in this world in spite of the issues that exist these days.

 

100% agree with you. 

 

Life is a struggle and we have to choose our battles. It's better to find that one little ray of hope and happiness in a bad day, than dwelling on the negativity. 

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1 hour ago, Nine Inch Heels said:

Couldn't disagree more with this. You can't change the world, you can only change how you see it, and how you deal with it.

 

And just for the record, I like living in this world in spite of the issues that exist these days.

Agreed. Conquer your life or be conquered.

It's up to US to live the way that we want along with the problems and other issues that are ahead...

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Oh my gosh, writing any long and alobarative fan theories is a very bad sign by itself. Believe me, I saw this too many times.

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On 6/11/2018 at 6:37 AM, Dr. Crowley said:

Oh my gosh, writing any long and alobarative fan theories is a very bad sign by itself. Believe me, I saw this too many times.

 

Uh? I do that at times and I'm ok, for the most part at least. I can only speak for myself, but I'm a fairly introvert person and as such I tend to spend more time in my head than talking to other people, which gives me plenty of time to think about the things I enjoy (games in this case).

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On 6/9/2018 at 2:25 PM, Nine Inch Heels said:

Couldn't disagree more with this. You can't change the world, you can only change how you see it, and how you deal with it.

 

And just for the record, I like living in this world in spite of the issues that exist these days.

 

On 6/9/2018 at 2:34 PM, DeadAstronaut said:

 

 

100% agree with you. 

 

Life is a struggle and we have to choose our battles. It's better to find that one little ray of hope and happiness in a bad day, than dwelling on the negativity. 

 

On 6/9/2018 at 3:31 PM, leodoom85 said:

Agreed. Conquer your life or be conquered.

It's up to US to live the way that we want along with the problems and other issues that are ahead...

 

I’m actually pretty astounded by how heartwarming this is. Granted, it’s not the easiest thing in the world to maintain especially when dealing with mental issues, but I’m told that the struggle will always be worth it. 

I keep getting told that the world may appear to be going to Hell in a handbasket, but I’ve come to find that the good things often come in small packages, be it a nice nap or getting a nice message from that special someone. 

 

Carpe diem, I suppose. 

 

On 6/11/2018 at 6:37 AM, Dr. Crowley said:

Oh my gosh, writing any long and alobarative fan theories is a very bad sign by itself. Believe me, I saw this too many times.

 

Um, how exactly? How is ruminating on a game’s mythos that leaves much that can be left to the viewers imagination necessarily a bad thing?

Besides, it helps me organize my thoughts. 

 

On 6/12/2018 at 10:30 AM, KVELLER said:

 

Uh? I do that at times and I'm ok, for the most part at least. I can only speak for myself, but I'm a fairly introvert person and as such I tend to spend more time in my head than talking to other people, which gives me plenty of time to think about the things I enjoy (games in this case).

 

A similar case here; I find it far easier to to have my thoughts put out on a screen or a piece of paper rather than to explain them verbally. 

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47 minutes ago, Chezza said:

This reminds me of an article I read a few years back about a Brother and Sister using Doom to discuss about their emotions.

 

https://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2015/03/13/videogame-nasties-saved-my-life/

This is an honest and moving account of family trauma, and the role that videogames played in restoring a semblance of balance. The occasional escape from real life is a necessity for many, but might become more so when someone is troubled. The trick, I suppose, is in knowing when escape is starting to become a substitute for real life. Guidance from a loved one and/or a medical professional can be vital in creating that equilibrium.

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The story was good, until you began to align with it. Life is tricky, and, if you're extremely lucky, you'll acquire one or two actual life-long friends. Everyone else is an acquaintance who may enjoy your company for the time being, and then may stab you in the back when profitable. This is a fairly normal situation that most people experience. It may not look that way for you, at this point in your life, but I've realized that most people experience these same difficulties. The introverts feel awkward around people, and experience a type of loneliness. The extroverts cannot look inward, and depend on others to develop their world view.

 

Others see the introverts as brilliant, unapproachable people. Others see extroverts as charismatic likable people, who use people and won't shut up. Often, the reality is quite different than what it seems. But, do know that everyone experiences the same feelings and emotions (unless they are psychopaths), and everyone has similar difficulties at some point in their life, regardless of how hard they try to hide it.

 

There will always be questions that cannot be answered, and goals which cannot be accomplished. It is important to balance those pursuits with the enjoyment of the things you do have, and the miracle of being able to. We are alive, and, though life is difficult, it's the best gig going.

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