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Blind Joe Death

Tinder: have you used it? Do you recommend it?

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Posted (edited)

What it says on the tin. I want to get back into the dating world after about 5-ish years of a relationship that got me nowhere, but I find myself a bit shy, and while I find the idea of Tinder super intriguing, I know that I'm also an anxiety riddled mess. So what do you think?

Edited by Blind Joe Death

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Posted (edited)

Never used it. My female friend uses it to get guys. She says there's a lot of dick pics involved. It works for her, but I wouldn't recommend it. The sheer volume of people that use it with a Facebook connection makes it actually work for her and others. She made a collage of dick pics to send back to guys with something that says "you're added to the collage."

 

Other than that I've online dated quite extensively years ago, but before Tinder. I've had fantastic luck, both good and hilariously bad. Like the women with photos from 8 years ago who have become blimps or the women that are too honest with me that shit talk their coworkers without realizing I am friends with those coworkers. After the date, she tries to do damage control by telling my friends what a horrible person I am and turns it around on me where I'm the shit talker about them. Hilarious times. Oh yeah, the one girl that literally sold prescription pills to some random dude while on the date.

 

Then there's always the risk of you getting lured in and mugged. It's never happened to me, but I always have that fear. Especially the ones that want to meet within minutes of talking online or on the phone... turns out no they're not aligned with muggers, they're just under house arrest or had dates that backed out, or dates that lasted like 15 minutes so they'll accept any guy just to watch a movie with.

 

There are plenty normal people too where absolutely nothing happens good or bad. There's just no romance. I've usually found if a woman wants to pay for her half of the date that means she doesn't want me romantically.

 

Other than that I've met a lot of friends via online dating, well friends that after years they get married, have kids and drift away.

Edited by geo

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I tried it but I'm not sure it's for long-haired guys like myself. 

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My advice: don't do it. It's a trap. You have no idea if you will get matched with a real person and not a bot or scammer... or if you'll even get matches at all. No offense, not personal. Just saying.

 

Sure you could possibly meet the right person and live happily ever after, but life isn't a fairy tale. It's a gamble. Is it worth your time, money, or your well being? I personally would never use dating sites nor apps. Nope.

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, Nevander said:

My advice: don't do it. It's a trap. You have no idea if you will get matched with a real person and not a bot or scammer... or if you'll even get matches at all. No offense, not personal. Just saying.

 

Sure you could possibly meet the right person and live happily ever after, but life isn't a fairy tale. It's a gamble. Is it worth your time, money, or your well being? I personally would never use dating sites nor apps. Nope.

 

Yeah, there's some pretty weird people there. Plus, I'm not sure I like what it's doing to our society. It seems to be normalizing behaviours we ought to avoid.

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@Jimmy

 

What I hate about these the most is that they are basically encouraging you to advertise yourself as a product. It's kind of dehumanizing to be honest.

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And to be honest, the only reason I am using these apps is because I am hoping to find people who share my interests. In my town, everyone is pretty much a bland normie. Tinder especially doesn't even take into consideration what interests you have. I mean I found a couple of people but it all fizzled out.

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I've had Tinder installed on my phone twice - both times, it didn't exactly pay off.

 

First time I installed it, I did so with the sole intention of finding a partner. Got a decent number of matches - around half a dozen - but I only took it upon myself to message with one gal. We talked for one evening, and the next day when I sent her a message, I never got a response to it. I uninstalled the app less than two weeks later.

 

When I reinstalled it, I decided to take a more... experimental approach. Basically whenever I got a match, I'd send them a message asking for their thoughts on a certain "ism" - I even had a website bookmarked for the purpose. The result was one of three: 1) they never responded, 2) they did respond with another question asking what it was, or 3) they responded with their thoughts on the matter, we messaged for one evening, and the next day they ghosted me. Again. (Unsurpisingly, #3 only happened once.) It didn't take me long to uninstall the app again after that.

 

The thing about Tinder - and modern online dating in general - is that it suffers from a host of issues. Men grossly outnumbering women, fake accounts, impostors, catfishing, ghosting... I could go on and on. And with a climate like that, I'm doing my best not to resort to it again at any point, even if I had better chances meeting the love of my life online than IRL due to my shy nature.

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Thank Hell I was married before Tinder became a thing.  I'd hate to have to resort to such a thing for dating personally.

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Posted (edited)

Tinder is for hooking up and as a man you better be really good looking or there's not much in it.

It would be better if you directly confronted your anxiety and maybe tried to mingle more in real life. Due to smartphones it's become harder to get contacts but there's always people who feel the same as you. Joining a sports club is one of the better options.

 

As a general, loose, rule keep yourself fit & dress well since your approaches are gauged relative to your appearance.

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Posted (edited)

Best is going out and get a girl IRL. If you need a dating sites, then the best is Twitch. The webcammed channels.

 

-You can see the real personality and real reactions on situations.

-Go after those which have low viewers. Those are normal casual people that will reply most likely

-Stream with webcam yourself so some girls can come. Dont expect that much, but what you get (if you will) is way more real than Tinder and other "dating" sites.

-Careful with clips. Try to not rage.

-Careful with fakes. No other follow than you = usually a fake made to troll you

Edited by NinjaLiquidator

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A close friend of mine actually found a man using tinder and is currently living with him in Thailand (They have been together for almost two years now).

I guess it depends on your expectations really, tinder always comes across as a more casual set up so many are probably on there for "a good time" with bo long term reprocussions.

I can say that dating sites do work, but it isn't the silver bullet that is sometimes proclaimed as. Best of luck to you if you do take the plunge. I met my wife of almost two years on a dating site so i can say it can work if you put the eoffrt in and have patience to deal with crappy situations that could crop up before you find someone.

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Disclaimer: I haven't used Tinder.

 

I wouldn't recommend it at all though, for the same reasons others mentioned. Besides, it can be fucking dangerous. My sister found a guy through one of those apps, and it turns out that the guy was an asshole and literally beat her up a couple times. Thankfully she managed to stand up and end with the relationship.

 

You don't, and can't know if their online persona is even real, and to what degree.

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I've used Tinder intermittenly for several years and had moderate success with it. I will say this much: where you live does make a difference in your match rate. Or at least it does for me. I live in a town with two big colleges, and being in my early thirties, tend to be anywhere from ten to fifteen years older than a vast percentage of the girls in my radius using the app. So, normally I can swipe for hours without getting any matches, but when I travel to a different state (or even a different city) my match rate tends to increase dramatically.

 

My only other piece of advice is to know what it is you're looking for. Is it casual dating? Is it something long term? Are you just looking to hook up? Know what it is before you set out. I've come across plenty of people who seemed to convey different intentions than what they state in their profile(women who said they weren't looking to hook up but then seemed open to it, women who said they were just looking for friends and then clearly indicated otherwise, etc.)  

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Posted (edited)

Tinder seems to circumvent major steps of the mating ritual, and to me that kind of spoils the fun of dating. When talking to someone spontaneously in the "real world," it's not clear whether sex is on the table; you yourself may not even know whether it's a goal. It creates tension, forces improvisation and allows one to develop their personality further. When an app reduces this game to a simple hand gesture that translates to "Do I want to ejaculate on/be ejaculated on, yes or no," one doesn't engage in those improvisational skills, skills that are sexually and socially beneficial to learn.

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4 hours ago, guitardz said:

Thank Hell I was married before Tinder became a thing.  I'd hate to have to resort to such a thing for dating personally.

 

Nah, no one is forced to use such apps. I tried something similar but meh, it's just too friggin' boring to be honest.

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I tried it for a month previous summer. The first profile I see has a pic of someone's feet by a swimming pool with no text in the profile. Umm... yea, ok.

 

Eventually got some match and in the second message she asks for more pictures. Unmatches after a while when I didn't respond. Got some another match, talk couple of weeks, but neither of us were asking the other for a date, then it kind of faded away. Then there was a third match who asked to meet me almost immediately. Wonder about it for a day, then replied yes just to see what happens. She waits for a day and unmatches me. Then there was also a 4th match who never said anything and I didn't say anything either.

 

Then kind of forgot tinder. Now it's sometimes posting notifications that there are new people in my area, or that I've received some likes, and should start swiping to find out who they are. When will it post a notification about uninstalling it?

 

Today someone asked my age and then about dating in Quake Live when I moaned something with a microphone/voice message. Months earlier there was someone else asking for some nude pics of me when I had been a little flirty. Would probably work better than Tinder if people just didn't live so far away.

 

At school there are 9 others in the same class, and only 2 of them are single and don't have children yet, and from these 2, only 1 of them has been actively present at the school. Maybe I'll try some other online dating when summer comes closer if nothing happens with anyone at school.

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No.

 

Have I mentioned that I hate touchscreens? I think the swiping through profiles is demeaning.

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I’ve used dating sites in a very loose low effort way. I was expecting nothing and was never going to meet up with someone who just wanted to fuck, but I’ve been seeing a girl for a few months now who I met through online dating, so it’s not impossible. I certainly wouldn’t rely on it though.

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19 hours ago, DooM_RO said:

I tried it but I'm not sure it's for long-haired guys like myself. 

Well, that sucks. I have long hair too!

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I've never done it as I met my now wife back before even Facebook existed but I've got a friend who up until recently was using Tinder.

He seemed to be having success in finding women who just wanted sex, but these women were very - and I don't want to sound too judgemental or cruel here - were a bit un-hinged shall we say? and a little crazy from what he has told me.

Also, on the flip side of the dick-pics my friend was receiving an alarming amount of older ladies posing nude for him , now where these were genuine or fake accounts is anyones guess , just thought I'd throw that out there.

I think he was looking for something that was going to last and from my perception of it it's not what you will find with Tinder. He's not using it anymore but as DoomKid pointed out it wouldn't be impossible to find someone but it might be worth broadening your online dating horizon as my friend is.

 

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Posted (edited)

Just because I got bitten with curiosity, I logged back in again for the first time in months, did some swiping... found a lady with a few overlapping interests, got matched... then almost straight away got "unmatched". Cool.

 

I'm a big baby when it comes to social rejection, so I've deleted all of my dating apps now and I'm just gonna try and put it completely out of mind. This shit's poison in my life if I dwell on it. And besides, what's the point in futilely reaching for the unreachable? Clearly this isn't working.

 

Fuck other people. Other people can't bring love into your life if you don't even love yourself first. I need some time to work on that.

Edited by Jimmy

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Yeah, although I didn't get any results. I went on a date once and it was boring as fuck lol (she wasn't enjoying at all nor I was)

It doesn't help that I'm not very good at dealing with this kind of stuff, though

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I'd never consider it. I've never been very good at "socializing" through apps, text, or whatever. So much so that I even have trouble talking to my good IRL friends that way, let alone some stranger who's probably just looking for a forgettable hookup with someone more attractive than me. Besides, I'm not really in a rush to date or hook up with anyone in the first place, so whatever.

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