Introducing my Girlfriend to Doom

[obake]

Hello, fellow Doomworlders!

 

I have an inquiry that is boggling my mind at the moment: how do I introduce my new girlfriend to Doom? We met through a penpal system (she's currently serving a few years in prison for breaking into a museum.)

 

Her name is something like Fujiko, or Fusiko (it's a little difficult to decipher her cursive.)

 

She's super nice, calling me her lover boy, lovebug, etc. When she is released, I want to treat her to a nice date, get her the diamond ring I promised, have a good dinner. I was thinking of going to a French restaurant, since she is from France.

 

My first question is what brand of wine would be the best? I was thinking Rôti D’agneau, or perhaps Poivrière. Or heck, just going with the all-American Miller Lite Beer.

 

Now to the important stuff. When introducing her to Doom, I need to know: which Doom game do we start with, what source port to use, and what difficulty setting to play on?

 

She says she is known to living the criminal high life, stealing jewelery and money. Would any of those skills translate to the difficulty setting she should play at? She says she is quite stealthy, so perhaps a lower setting so she could easier sneak around maps, but I'm not sure.

 

Also, do I start with Ultimate Doom, Doom II, or another Doom game, and with which port? She says she likes shiny things, and the GZDoom engine can produce some shiny effects. But would it be too much too handle all at once?

 

Last, I want to thank everyone who participates in this thread.

[Nine Inch Heels]

Since she likes to sneak around, but does seem to get caught eventually, build her a custom map that has an ample supply of partial invisibilities. ;-)

[dew]

Expanding on NIH's idea, how about the gameplay mod known as Hideous Destructor. It could help with Fumiko's training and after she steals the Pink Panther you can retire together in Marseille, I hear it has the lowest occurrence of vengeful ninjas in all of France.

[insertwackynamehere]

I could list off plenty of red wine vintages but frankly it sounds like you should be having something bubbly to celebrate when she’s out. I’d go with a Dom Perignon, maybe even from the year she was incarcerated although perhaps if that was a bad year you should fudge it a bit.

 

As for the diamond, remember the clarity and cut are as important as the carat. However, carats are still important. Remember, this will last a lifetime and diamonds are forever, so buy the diamond relative to your projected income by retirement so that you two never grow out of it. Diamonds are hard to resell so don’t go with a “starter diamond” so to speak. Eight months salary is a good starting point.

 

Do you happen to know what museum she broke into or what kind of museum? That would help a lot with determining her optimum Dooming experience. For example, if it’s a museum of natural history than it stands to reason she’d enjoy more cave-like levels such as Inferno’s E3M2. The cavernous reaches evoke a primordial sense of being and the map being shaped like a hand gives this map a real anthropological twist! Like a cave painting of a hand print, this map really has it all.

 

GZDoom would be a fine port to show her. The GL rendering is a little too “new wave” for my taste but when you switch to software emulation it really comes into its own.

[Chezza]

Am I the only one who finds "dating" this proud criminal girl a massive risk and likely to result in the op being used?

 

In that case, introduce her to Doom 2016, purchase a 1080 or Titan card, tell her much the card costs and use a case with a lock. That may grab her attention.

[unerxai]

54 minutes ago, Chezza said:

Am I the only one who finds "dating" this proud criminal girl a massive risk and likely to result in the op being used?

 

In that case, introduce her to Doom 2016, purchase a 1080 or Titan card, tell her much the card costs and use a case with a lock. That may grab her attention.

It's risky in the sense that if he chooses the wrong source port he might turn her off from Doom forever. First impressions are important.

[mrthejoshmon]

Perhaps you should introduce them to video games generically then have Doom one of the games shown.

 

Also "criminal highlife", "breaking into museums" and "stealing jewelry and money"... Uh, be careful?

[Doominator2]

You're going to get robbed dude

Edited April 5, 2019 by Doominator2

[Cruduxy Pegg]

Start with Doom 1 on 3rd difficulty or Doom 2 on the 2nd one. Although if you just want a stealth game there are much better games for that than Doom, the monsters see you through the walls after all.

 

2 hours ago, Chezza said:

Am I the only one who finds "dating" this proud criminal girl a massive risk and likely to result in the op being used?

 

Not really. I know this isn't my business but the way she openly told op she "likes shiny things" and a "criminal highlife" would be red flags for most people who don't know much about her. Good luck op!

[Loud Silence]

9 hours ago, obake said:

She's super nice, calling me her lover boy, lovebug, etc. When she is released, I want to treat her to a nice date, get her the diamond ring I promised, have a good dinner. I was thinking of going to a French restaurant, since she is from France.

She already introduced you to her Doom game. If you are going to buy her diamond for few sweet words, you are completely Doomed.

[Bushpig2dope]

Lol is this real? are you serious? Dude you're going to buy someone from prison you've never met a diamond ring...? And you dont even know her name? I hate to sound hateful or offensive but like seriously? She is most likely using you this is just kinda sad. Find a real woman OP, get a hold of yourself
 

EDIT:  Oh you're a brony, things are adding up now

Edited April 5, 2019 by Bushpig2dope

[SOSU]

The trick is to not tell her about Doom if you want to keep her as your girlfriend ;)))

[insertwackynamehere]

Wow I’m surprised by a lot of the comments here. I guess paying one’s debt to society isn’t enough!

[Snakes]

I don't know about Doom and stealthiness, but read up on and celebrate Bastille Day. Bonus points if she gets out on July 14th!

[TheNoob_Gamer]

She like stealth? Make a custom map that is dark as f**k with a fuckload of covers and nightvision goggles. Also, some wall-jumping ;)
On a more serious note: Sneaky Doom + DarkDoomZ for GZDoom.

[DooM_RO]

Dating a girl who robbed a museum? What the hell man? You sound very naive and it sounds like she knows it. If she robbed a museum it means she has no morals and scruples. What makes you think she won't make you regret it?

 

Choosing the right Doom source port for her should be the LAST thing on your mind. 

[fraggle]

17 hours ago, obake said:

she is from France

Tell us more. Does she write music too?

[kb1]

Let me preface by saying that I know nothing of what you've got, or your situation, and you don't provide many details. So, here's what I've got:

 

• Doom: Go for a big, not-too-difficult co-op mapset. Big = plenty of fun, not-too-difficult = challenge, but no frustration, co-op = working together!
• Wine: Nothing expensive, something sweet, maybe a White Zinfandel (liked by many - depends on the food somewhat, though).
• Food: Steak, or Italian: Universally liked (of course, anything's good out of the can). $30 or less per-person. You decide where to go and what to eat.
• Diamond: NO! There's a time for that. You have to earn her respect, love and trust, and, she has to earn yours. True love = love when the rent's due, love when cold and hungry, love during an argument. You can't buy respect, love, or trust. You, as a person she can love, respect, and trust, are worth a lot more than any shiny rock. Please - find out just how real it is, before the gifts dry up.

Trust, without proof, is faith. There's nothing wrong with a little bit of faith, followed up by some hard evidence that you gather over time. Her situation suggests prior trust issues, and she knows that. She knows that she is putting you in a bit of a bind over trust. If what you have is real (and I sincerely hope it is), she will want to convince you of her sincerity, and she expects you to need some convincing. Therefore, she may actually lose some respect for you, if you throw expensive gifts at her, before she feels she has earned your trust and respect. (I've seen it, hell, I've lived it.)

 

If she does love you, she needs to win your trust, and she needs you to let her. No one in her situation would be angry that they didn't get their diamond right away, if they love you - quite the opposite.

 

Best of luck!

[Havoc Crow]

18 hours ago, obake said:

She says she is known to living the criminal high life, stealing jewelery and money. Would any of those skills translate to the difficulty setting she should play at? She says she is quite stealthy, so perhaps a lower setting so she could easier sneak around maps, but I'm not sure.

 

Also, do I start with Ultimate Doom, Doom II, or another Doom game, and with which port? She says she likes shiny things, and the GZDoom engine can produce some shiny effects. But would it be too much too handle all at once?

I suggest you go all the way, and create a burglary-themed Doom mod specifically tailor-made for her. Perhaps model it after the Louvre, so that she can have fun and practice for her next heist at the same time.

[Joshy]

I'm finding this thread quite strange, uhh, I... um, yeah.

[Space Marinara]

Question: If she's the thief, why isn't she gifting you with diamonds?

[Kira]

24 minutes ago, Joshy said:

I'm finding this thread quite strange, uhh, I... um, yeah.

It has this fascinating property where you think all these posts taking it seriously are funny, but nobody mocks them so you start doubting your ability to judge.

[franckFRAG]

I support Joshy about this thread, It's kind of funny :) If you come back in France, come to take a beer and with some french doomer like Wilou84, Kira or JCD and me! Rather get stolen your money by a criminal girl x) 

[ReaperAA]

12 hours ago, Chezza said:

Am I the only one who finds "dating" this proud criminal girl a massive risk and likely to result in the op being used?

 

10 hours ago, Rimantas said:

She already introduced you to her Doom game. If you are going to buy her diamond for few sweet words, you are completely Doomed.

 

I was going to say the same things.

[Manhs]

"She says she likes shiny things, and the GZDoom engine can produce some shiny effects"
You mean, shiny things like diamonts or gzdoom? :x

Seriously, take care, you seem to be really enthousiastic with a woman who did very bad things and a few words mean nothing, dont rush without to know really how she can be. Love story are very complex and this one is special...

People in jail can try everything they can to get some help...so again, take care. ;)

A bit late for an april fool : p

Edited April 5, 2019 by Manhs

[CyberDreams]

20 hours ago, obake said:

just going with the all-American Miller Lite Beer.

 

I prefer Coors Light myself.

Edited April 5, 2019 by CyberDreams

[OliveTree]

perfect thread

[ReaperAA]

Suddenly now I am not sure if OP made this thread as a April's day fool. But if not then LISTEN CAREFULLY. She might be playing with u to make u fall in love with her, only to rob/cheat u at some point in future.

 

20 hours ago, obake said:

She's super nice, calling me her lover boy, lovebug, etc.

 

Exactly the type of words used to trap an innocent/naive person.

 

20 hours ago, obake said:

When she is released, I want to treat her to a nice date, get her the diamond ring I promised

 

May I ask something. Was it she who demanded the ring? If so, then it means she may probably be doing it just for the money and doesn't really love u.

 

Besides, jewelry and money is exactly what she cared about in past.

20 hours ago, obake said:

She says she is known to living the criminal high life, stealing jewelery and money.

 

Thus if I were u, I would probably not even consider dating such a girl who doesn't have any morals and proudly admits to living a criminal life. I would find someone else especially if its someone who may end up living with me for the rest of my life. After all, finding a suitable life partner is not something to be taken as a joke.

[Xcalibur]

proceed with caution, OP. I would say more, but other posts have already covered this adequately.

[Loud Silence]

I try to imagine how is to be OP...

"She called me a lover boy? She is my girlfriend!"

"She robbed museum and loves criminal life? I will buy her a diamond ring!"

"She robbed me? But she loved me, that's most important!"

Little later...

"This girl is in jail for murder? Hah! Not thief! I'm lucky this time!"

"She called me love's hostage? She is my girlfriend!"

"She likes sharp things? I will buy her golden dagger!"

I want a good end...

When he will awake in hospital after coma, he will see a gorgeous nurse next to him! Oh no, she's married, dammit! Will it stop our hero?

 

Sorry! Couldn't help it. :)