Monkey's paw thread

[Rince-wind]

 

Make a wish and the monkey's paw will grant it!

But be careful, as the next person who posts will twist your wish.

 

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I wish for "At the Shores of ZDOOM" to be released

 

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[FractalBeast]

It is released, but only as a mod for Call of Duty Modern Warfare The Second: Electric Boogaloo, The Reissue of the Special Edition.

 

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I wish for a nice bowl of cereal.

[Dragonfly]

You get the cereal, but you've run out of milk. The local store(s) have none in stock either.

 

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I wish traffic was never an issue. 

[Octillion]

"No problem." Says the monkey hand. It snaps it's fingers and world war 3 happens, now you live in a post-nuke world free of traffic. 

 

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I wish stress doesn't exist.

[Rince-wind]

Stress doesn't exist anymore so now you don't have a fight-or-flight response and get killed by a rowdy goose

 

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I wish I had crab claws for hands

[Joshy]

You get your crab claws but you accidentally side step into a giant sized bucket. You keep cutting up all the ropes thrown in by rescuers compromising your chance of being rescued. You starve to death. Someone snatches your corpse and decide to cook your claws for a delicious bisque recipe.

 

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I wish I could read minds.

[[McD] James]

If you've ever watched Code Geass, you would know that being a mind reader is not a fun time. https://codegeass.fandom.com/wiki/Mao

 

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I wish for a Steam release of Ninja Gaiden Sigma. 

[Rince-wind]

It was released on Steam, one of the biggest digital distribution services before the Epic store became a monopoly

 

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I wish I was the emperor of China

[Octillion]

You become the emperor of china. Pleased with your sovereignty, you relax on your golden throne and grab your chalice for a drink. Unaware it was poisoned, you choke and die a terrible death. All of this was orchestrated by your devious royal advisor for him to become ruler himself. However, this did not sit well with the general of the army and civil war breaks. China gets sent back to the warring states era.

 

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I wish for a time machine.

[Maggle]

You use the time machine, and get sent back to the dawn of earth itself. The time machine breaks, and you're trapped there

 

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I wish for a billion, million dollars. Exactly.

[Chezza]

You receive exactly a billion, million dollars however with no currency provided it ended up as monopoly money.

 

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I wish Doom Eternal is released right now.

[Rare Hatchiama]

Only for Xbox, and most of the best advertised content is only available if you pay.

 

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I wish it was still the 1990s.

 

[FractalBeast]

It's the 1990s.

 

The real 1990s. As in, the universe has only existed for only 1990 years and is still just a white-hot mess of barely expanded singularity.

 

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I wish my stomach wasn't so full right now.

[Alper002]

Your stomach isn't so full, but now it's infinitely empty. You starve to death.

 

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I wish I could run really fast.

[purist]

You are being pursued by a starving bear. You are inspired to run faster than you ever have in your life. Inevitably, the bear gains ground until you are pounced and feasted upon by the ravenous beast.

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I wish my mortgage got paid up.

[Fletcher`]

Your mortgage is fully paid, but the IRS is skeptical about where the money came from and audits you.
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I wish I was happy.

[Doomkid]

You become happy forever. The lack of any other emotions to contrast it to quickly renders it meaningless. Knowing you have already attained eternal happiness, you lose any aspirations or reasons to do anything at all as none of it can make you any happier anyway, not even eating food or drinking water. Death soon follows.

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I wish I was in great shape.

[ReaperAA]

Your wish is granted and you become a extremely handsome man with great shape. In fact you become so great looking that millions of ladies want to marry you. This caused many millions of men all over the world to be jealous of you and they start conspiring against you and they ultimately succeed in killing you.

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I wish I had the power to end all wars forever and establish global peace.

[Chezza]

Your wish is granted. You recieve a little black remote with a red button.

 

If you press it the only conclusion to end all global wars will occur. An extremely deadly super weapon will be launched that will cover the earth in an potent acid that absorbs all DNA and melts through all metals. It comes in forms of gas and liquid. This pollutes all of earth's oxygen for a thousand years.

 

The acid gradually forms into a solid goo that becomes a fertile breeding ground for plant life and basic lifeforms. The world gradually recovers and returns in a similar state but with no humans in sight, no civilisations, no wars.

 

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I wish I have the power to utilise telekinesis and mind reading at will

Edited October 25, 2019 by Chezza

[Simomarchi]

You instantly die and you wake up as a ghost, unable to touch anything but able to move object with telekinesis for a small amount of space, unable to communicate with anyone but capable of mind reading.

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I wish I had the power to make every wish of myself real.

[Dragonfly]

Welp, you died. Remember that time as a stroppy teenager you said you wished you were dead? Yeah...

 

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I wish I had a better singing voice.

[Rince-wind]

Your singing voice gets marginally better, so now you sound like Psychicpebbles

 

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I wish John Carmack made his own sourceport, JCDoom