Anybody else not date?

[RichardDS90]

I used to use dating apps like POF, Lovoo and Tinder (Ugh) few years back until I met my other half on a chatroom. I honestly don't miss the online dating days. Though if I was single, I probably would've given Match a go, sure, you have to pay, but it probably would mean less time wasters too, I had tons of time wasters.

[DRM-MAN]

This thread reminds me of when i was 16 year old nihlist who unironically listened to A2, also kinda emo.

[seed]

^ Interesting way to look at things I guess.

[Cynical]

On ‎1‎/‎28‎/‎2020 at 7:21 PM, Doomkid said:

 I didn't even realize that playing an instrument automatically makes you 15 to 20% more sexy, but it simply does.

Speaking for myself, I can't say that this has been the case at all.  Women were far more interested in me before I started playing guitar than they have been in the fourteen years since (Christ, has it really been fourteen years?!?!)

 

There's a bias in that stat (these days, if given the option to jam with a few dudes or to go on a first date with a hot chick, I'd choose the former in a hearbeat), but still.

[Remilia Scarlet]

I didn't date for a few years back in the later 2000s.  It was something I needed to do while I got myself together personally.  I eventually got back into it when I felt ready, made an account on OkCupid, and... met my wife.  That was seven years ago last month :D

 

I still occasionally date since she and I are polyam, so I guess I haven't stopped since then.  But in hindsight, I was very glad I took that time off to do some self-reflection and self-care.

[M00DER]

On 1/28/2020 at 11:49 PM, Doomkid said:

All what this man said in a lengthy but well-written post.

 

He basically drops the truth bomb here and I'm talking about nuclear-style: Fat Man and Little Boy merged into one big TrueFacts™ bomb. Take a minute of your day to read his post.

 

I personally have nothing to add to the topic at the moment. Maybe some other time.

[DRM-MAN]

This post was kinda whiny not gonna lie.

[ZALGO]

I'm certainly capable of getting a date, as their have been moments in my life where I would have gotten a girlfriend but:

 

1: Popular girl in High School invited me to Prom personally.... I was a dense as hell kid back then and took it as a joke.

2: Dated one girl for upwards of at least a week.... she was a lesbian which made things really awkward and complicated whenever I see her with my buds.

3: Almost ended up Netflix and Chill with a workmate, found out she had a boyfriend and noped out real fast.

 

What I found out rather quickly though is that it was the girls themselves that ask me out, not the other way around. I guess it makes sense though as I have High Functioning Autism and Social Anxiety issues where I can't for the life of me start conversations with other people. I am afraid of how they react to what I say to them and as a result, I feel like all I can do is either respond to questions, or force myself to ask questions to a professor or the like.

 

 

[129thVisplane]

I've given up on dating, not because I'm gross and nobody wants me, but because last time I dated, I turned out to be a major psycho bitch and screamed at my then-bf over a stupid tiny doom wad argument for 3 days. I'd rather not expose anyone to this kind of raw unfiltered insanity that comes out of my stupid brain ever again, thanks.

[M00DER]

22 hours ago, ZALGO said:

(Autism and girls still make the first move)

Teach me your secrets. Alternatively, did you put 10 points in charisma when making your character sheet?

 

56 minutes ago, 129thVisplane said:

(argument over a wad)

Based.

[Nevander]

4 hours ago, M00DER said:

Alternatively, did you put 10 points in charisma when making your character sheet?

LOL. I know mine has got to be like a 3. Clearly I put all my points into Perception and Intelligence.

[DRM-MAN]

You all need sum' music here.  

 

 

 

[ASON-Z-]

Well there was this one gal who I had been to school with since I was 9.

We never dated, but I knew I loved her because I never had feelings like that towards anyone before.

We were just friends for all those years. But I never told my true feelings.

And when I built up the courage to ask her, she had already moved in with someone outside of my home town right after we graduated High School.

 

Just not my time yet is all.

[Optimus]

We are always trying to excuse ourselves for not dating or participating in social life. Sometimes, we don't know what we want. Do you ever ask yourself if this is what you want from life? You might have attempted dating, because the general consensus is "normal people shouldn't be alone" but did you genuinely look into yourself and asked if that's what you want in life? In many aspects of our life we move on with the idea "what is the normal thing to do?", not asking deeply what do I really want to do?

I think in several cases, people who fail at getting laid are desperate about it not because they genuinely feel lonely, but the feel worthless. I mean, there must be people who genuinely can't be without the presence of a woman, but some of us can do relatively ok on our own. And we hear the voices, inner or outer. "No this is wrong! You will be alone at 40 years old and depressed". There is always that social pressure towards that direction. We never ask "why can't you just be alone without people for an hour?".

 

It's all in the culture. Of course there is a reason some of us are not naturally as good at social interactions or dating or whatever, and one would say "then fix it!". But why is it considered natural than being decent at socialization is normal, and the other way isn't? Especially now we know introversion is not a deviation but a personality trait. Yet after this fact people still try to differentiate introversion from other forms as shyness, whether they both lead to a situation where your life habits are considered weird. You are still fighting the voices. You end up trying this thing called dating just to avoid the voices, just to to win something and put a checkbox "I am not a loser", not because you really truly wanted to be with a woman. If you understand that predicament, then maybe there is hope to be content with your life, even if you are one of those loners who never had a girlfriend or something. It's still hard for most people in this situation and they desperately cling back to the same mental habits.

 

So, I don't mind you don't date. There is no obligation from you to date or be social or "normal". Why are we questioning ourselves about what we should do according to social norms and not just try to get an understanding of what we really need beyond what is considered that we should want? I've been torturing myself with all these thoughts for years, so even if it's counterintuitive, to say to hell with all this, I'll just sit there and play Doom, is actually the mature way forward imho.

[Optimus]

On 1/28/2020 at 5:50 PM, Pegg said:

Offtopic : Fuck inceldom and MGTOW. Ruining the lives of too many young men.

 

Just to add my thoughts, I see MGTOW to incels as the switch to cannabis from hard drugs. Many incels would be helped a bit if switched to the MGTOW mindset for a while. Just to point, I don't identify with any of the two, just chose to not be antipathetic to these groups as incels didn't chose to be psychologically stuck into this hell (and at least they say they find solace in these communities) and MGTOWs are closer to live and let live (just leave us alone they say). Anyway, the MGTOW position is an escape from inceldom to something at least less harmful, as I see incels are too desperate and obsessed about their life worth must be absolutely connected to a woman. Now, MGTOW reject to be associated with women, but at least those who are like "leave me alone, I don't care" they don't bother anyone so I don't get the hate. To move from a total obsession around women to even quitting worrying about it (which MGTOW still do think too much around women unfortunately, as most of their conversation are focused about these issues) is a step of improvement from old mental habits. I don't know what comes after that, maybe it's ok to live in an equilibrium where you are not desperate, but you are on your own and do your own thing, without being as resentful. And I don't think the lives of these young men are ruined because these groups exist. I see the groups as a result of other things going wrong in life. Why would you want to join such groups when they are hated by the mainstream, unless you have nothing to lose? That's another reason why I don't identify, even if my way of life would look similar to a variation of these identities, but I am older and was in such relating situations before even the terms ever existed. I was doing ok as a loner way before these concepts hit the mainstream.

[MFG38]

I suppose I'm one of the odd ones out here in that I sort of want to date and don't want to date at the same time. A lot of the former can be attributed to the sense of envy I get when witnessing couples out in public - I've never gotten to experience that particular kind of love, and seeing it right in front of my eyes always fills me with that sense of longing. It's an especially evil feeling to suddenly get if my day is otherwise going great. I can be having the best day of my life, only to have it ruined by stumbling upon lovers kissing in public. And the only way to get rid of that feeling to this day is to just sleep it away.

 

Truth be told, I don't really feel any pressure to date. I'm happy enough with the way my life is in its current state, even with the lack of a relationship. That said, though, I do wish to experience a relationship, if only for the sake of being able to say that I am or have been in one. Being able to say that I've finally experienced that one thing I've missed out on my whole life. Knowing my social ineptitude, online dating would probably be much more feasible in achieving that goal than trying to meet someone IRL, but I refuse to resort to it at this point. I've already given it half a dozen attempts and it never got me past the point of an evening-long text discussion whereafter I got ghosted. Online dating is the metaphorical equivalent of looking for a needle in a haystack (or more closely, in its case, a gold chip in a pile of dung). Even knowing the inherent difficulties that social situations bring for me, I'd much rather meet someone IRL first. At least it's far less dehumanizing.

 

I know it's a pretty selfish reason to want a relationship, but ultimately, the only reason I want that experience in the first place is just to find out whether that envy I've felt over the years was misplaced or not. But I'm not going to force it into my life - I do still prefer to fall in love in order to gain that experience. I want that emotional bond, that chemistry. When it comes right down to it, though, I've come to terms with the fact that my chances of experiencing it are only getting slimmer by the year, and I don't mind staying single for the rest of my life if fate so dictates.

[Optimus]

1 hour ago, MFG38 said:

I suppose I'm one of the odd ones out here in that I sort of want to date and don't want to date at the same time. A lot of the former can be attributed to the sense of envy I get when witnessing couples out in public - I've never gotten to experience that particular kind of love, and seeing it right in front of my eyes always fills me with that sense of longing. It's an especially evil feeling to suddenly get if my day is otherwise going great. I can be having the best day of my life, only to have it ruined by stumbling upon lovers kissing in public. And the only way to get rid of that feeling to this day is to just sleep it away.

 

Truth be told, I don't really feel any pressure to date. I'm happy enough with the way my life is in its current state, even with the lack of a relationship. That said, though, I do wish to experience a relationship, if only for the sake of being able to say that I am or have been in one. Being able to say that I've finally experienced that one thing I've missed out on my whole life. Knowing my social ineptitude, online dating would probably be much more feasible in achieving that goal than trying to meet someone IRL, but I refuse to resort to it at this point. I've already given it half a dozen attempts and it never got me past the point of an evening-long text discussion whereafter I got ghosted. Online dating is the metaphorical equivalent of looking for a needle in a haystack (or more closely, in its case, a gold chip in a pile of dung). Even knowing the inherent difficulties that social situations bring for me, I'd much rather meet someone IRL first. At least it's far less dehumanizing.

 

I know it's a pretty selfish reason to want a relationship, but ultimately, the only reason I want that experience in the first place is just to find out whether that envy I've felt over the years was misplaced or not. But I'm not going to force it into my life - I do still prefer to fall in love in order to gain that experience. I want that emotional bond, that chemistry. When it comes right down to it, though, I've come to terms with the fact that my chances of experiencing it are only getting slimmer by the year, and I don't mind staying single for the rest of my life if fate so dictates.

 

I would think like that some times. I would be in the same dilemma of want and not want at the same time. I would think, what if I had a relationship and then I would feel more free when I am out of it. It's because if someone hears you never had a girlfriend and you say "It's not a big deal", then the usual reaction is "How do you know? Have you ever experienced it?". But that locks you into the predicament that you have to get involved at least once to justify it and not feel guilty or ashamed. And as it's also not easy to get in for some people and sometimes it's hard to get out from it too, I asked myself: Was I desperate for it just to check a box that says "not a virgin anymore"? I never ask what do I really want rather than what it's assumed I should want. And I can get sometimes dreamy about some girl I met, or something. But now I strongly believe love is an illusion and you can see other people together and feel some kind of envy, but it's several ideas we have about all these things. It certainly seems wholesome for a couple to say they love each other and hold hands like she is the special one, but that could be any other random man/woman that you think you are in love. I try not to think much about it. Some people are together and it's fine, but we also shouldn't feel inferior because we didn't make it or weren't interested in the first place. Oh, and I am over 40 years old, so I am more "past the train" in that aspect, so why pass the rest of my life worrying about it..

[mrthejoshmon]

I am quite lonely as of recently but I believe I am not ready for a relationship.

 

I have had a couple, met a girl from China who just so happened to be living here illegally so she ended up being deported, turns out she may have had a screw or two loose because that fuckin broke her and after she mentally abused me pretending to be dead and then later followed it up with her corpse being possessed by a demon of lust who wanted to fuck my soul out (???) I realized maybe it was for the best she remain on the other side of the ocean.

 

The next girl was a domestic threat, she turned out to be a murderer, well it was manslaughter actually because intentionally overdosing a man on heroin to avoid having sex with him but killing him in the process is apparently an "accidental killing", fuck that.

 

Everything I said either makes me look like a proper dickhead or paints a picture of a hellish downwards spiral, I was so not ready to commit to the hell that was that shit and I both think that is awful of me yet highly justified. I don't think I am ready to commit to anyone and I feel like my overall lack of prospects and free non working time as well as trauma induced emotional stunting and just generally being a dickhead make me a terrible candidate for a partner.

 

I need to learn to drive, get my own place and a less time consuming job as well as start properly looking after myself and stop being a dick before I can date.

[TwinBeast]

Put tinder again on 11.11, singles day was a good excuse to do so and it didn't seem to go anywhere with other dating services. Went on my first tinder date two weeks later. We dated for a month and then asked her together, and now we've been together for 2 and half months. I love her.

 

The first thing on my tinder profile was that I'm a loser. I still think I'm a bit of a loser, being with her has made me feel a little less like a loser. People told me to take the loser part away from the profile, but I was like, I want to be open about who I am. How else I was supposed to find someone who likes/loves me just the way I am?

 

@mrthejoshmon Sounds scary.

[Master O]

14 minutes ago, TwinBeast said:

Put tinder again on 11.11, singles day was a good excuse to do so and it didn't seem to go anywhere with other dating services. Went on my first tinder date two weeks later. We dated for a month and then asked her together, and now we've been together for 2 and half months. I love her.

 

The first thing on my tinder profile was that I'm a loser. I still think I'm a bit of a loser, being with her has made me feel a little less like a loser. People told me to take the loser part away from the profile, but I was like, I want to be open about who I am. How else I was supposed to find someone who likes/loves me just the way I am?

 

@mrthejoshmon Sounds scary.

 

 

[mrthejoshmon]

23 minutes ago, TwinBeast said:

@mrthejoshmon Sounds scary.

It was, now it's very laughable, like who set my life to hard mode?

 

Jokes aside, can't complain, lived and  continue to live so that's like the best possible outcome, so many people get it worse and I can only imagine how awful some people get it, luckily I was able to jump ship.

[D4NUK1]

I got 25 Years old, im not Dating because i got Heart Broken like 3 times.

All the times i met someone that i can stay with them in houses/plazas/etc and know each other well for more like half and year or more , they got out of the Country, and i still stuck here legally, so, we stuck in long distance talking that in the end leads to nothing.

It's just sucks, but i'm learning to get a really good amount of self love and instead of trying of look for someone, be the one that is looked. If someone wants to meet me, so be it.