I don’t know what to do

[OfficalGeeDee]

I find myself getting excited to start a project, but at the same time I have trouble with motivation and focusing and what not. I already took a decent sized break from wad creation, I thought I was better. Having schizophrenia doesn’t make things easy sometimes. Anyone else here have to deal with being schizophrenic? What are some easy ways to deal with everything? I’m confused and there’s a lot going on everywhere all at the same time. I feel like I’m slowly losing my mind.

Edited January 28, 2020 by OfficalGeeDee

[OfficalGeeDee]

On a side note, the last thing I want to do is seeing a mental psychiatrist or someone along those lines. I don’t want to be put on some medication that I know is going to have terrible side affects. But on the other hand, I don’t want to be living in constant fear. I’ve had some serious psychological episodes, where reality and fiction are one and the same. Stress can get bad sometimes too.

[OfficalGeeDee]

I’ve talked to friends and family a little bit, but none of us know what to do. Maybe I’m just fated to slowly go insane over the course of my life?

[Doomkid]

I really don’t think you should rule out therapy and medication - there are side effects to any drugs, but they are often not as unbearable as the ailment being treated.

 

I saw a Psychologist for a while to help deal with some insane and depressive thoughts and an overall feeling of hopelessness I had at the time. It was really helpful in getting me to see things from a new perspective and she taught me methods to “reign in” my mind when it was starting down a bad path.

 

I know these aren’t revelations, but I urge you not to rule them out. The first step is that you have to want them to work, and you have to convince yourself to remain patient as it can take quite a while for your brain to adjust to medication, or your outlook on life to adjust over the course of therapy, or both.

[DuckReconMajor]

Do you have untreated schizophrenia? No one should have to go through that.

 

As Doomkid mentioned, the treatments available exist because the help they give is worth any possible side effects to most people. It's worth a try in any case.

[OfficalGeeDee]

I’m scared that they’ll take things away from me. Something in my mind tells me that they’ll try to take away my firearms. I’m in my mid twenties and I’ve started a family of my own a year ago. They won’t take my family away from me, will they? And yes it is untreated. Tack onto that, the fact that I have diagnosed ADD and OCD

[Spectre.Charles]

I'm very protective of admitting my mental disorders online, (but there have been times where I've just blurted things out for whatever reason, I don't understand most of my own actions), but I understand how you feel, I have problems with believing in untrue things and no matter how much I try to convince myself it won't go away and medication being bad for me is one of those things. But hear me out while I'm rational, the benefits of medication greatly outweigh the negatives. I recommend making a chart or a list of reasons to take medication. I also recommend getting yourself some kind of caretaker, but your S/O may already fulfill that role.

And here's a bit of good news, schizophrenia once the symptoms first show themselves they will peak at some point, but then they will typically get better with age, especially if treated, but you may have to do a lot of research, figure out how your specific diagnosis affects you, and put in a fair bit of work for treatment.

[OfficalGeeDee]

Thank you everyone so far for your insight. I’m going to do a lot of research and get some help with research. Is it bad that I’ve let this go untreated for 10 years? I just didn’t want those around me to think of me differently and I suppose that was selfish of me to do.

[DuckReconMajor]

There's no need to feel bad, getting help is scary, but if you go through with it it'll make your life better.

[magicsofa]

Also don't rule out treatments that you can't get at a conventional hospital. Being skeptical of Western medication is totally logical and healthy. Questioning American doctors is not the same as paranoid delusion. Yes, their drugs  potentially help you. On the other hand, I've personally seen friends misdiagnosed and hastily prescribed things that did more damage than good. You may have had episodes, but there's still something within you that knows what is good for you and what is not.

 

Anti psychotics might be good for you. But, there are other options too. Please consider "alternative" medicine, which is often referred to as "alternative" only because the doctors that are corrupt want you to buy their product. If someone tells you they are a healer but then says they know better than you and that you shouldn't trust your gut, GTFO. Mediation practices could help you. Natural medicines such as psychedelic mushrooms could also help you. If you don't feel comfortable with a stuffy PhD in a lab coat, perhaps you should seek out a compassionate shaman.

 

Remember, the real answers lie within you. Do not let others pressure you into treatment that you know in your heart to be wrong.

[tamara mochaccina]

44 minutes ago, OfficalGeeDee said:

I’m scared that they’ll take things away from me. Something in my mind tells me that they’ll try to take away my firearms. I’m in my mid twenties and I’ve started a family of my own a year ago. They won’t take my family away from me, will they? And yes it is untreated. Tack onto that, the fact that I have diagnosed ADD and OCD

Well man, if you haven't done anything wrong with any of those things, be it kill people, mistreat your family, etc, they shouldn't take anything away from you.

 

19 minutes ago, magicsofa said:

Remember, the real answers lie within you.

This is important. A bit element of psychological treatment is... Well, the psychology.
Cliché advice coming, but: If you think you'll pull through, and convince yourself of it, you'll make much better progress than if you keep negative thoughts in your mind.

 

34 minutes ago, DuckReconMajor said:

There's no need to feel bad, getting help is scary, but if you go through with it it'll make your life better.

I dealt with some really serious depression for a while, and it wasn't until I started venting about it with friends and family that it started getting better, and the therapy helped with that, too, not really through medication, but being able to really get these thoughts and emotions out of my system.

TLDR; If you think you'll get better doing a certain thing, and really commit to said thing, you'll come out the bigger man.

[OfficalGeeDee]

I think I just need some time away from all the distractions in my life. I’ll see what that does as a starting point

[Morpheus666]

i would recommend if you really wanted too, Check into a hospital for a week and work with group therapy, who knows? it might help you to talk to people who understand what you are going through.

[Dubbag]

NOTE: Disturbing story ahead, but good outcome.

 

I have a condition called "Purely Obsessional OCD". This condition causes sufferers to obsess over intrusive thoughts or urges to do things that are sparatic and/or harmful to others but at the same time are behaviors that they themselves hate and would never actually do or could ever actually carry out because they still have a healthy conscience and empathy. Un-diagnosed people with this disease are prone to believe they are "Dangerous" or "Evil or horrible people" when in fact they are not, It's truly truly scary and at the time I wasn't aware of having it either but had suffered it since I was 10. With my Aspergers this is a horrible mixture. I'm crazy as fuck dude! In 2015 I used mushrooms for the first and last time. I had a BAD! trip. the shrooms brought the negative feelings in me to the forefront. I had a manic episode where I almost lost my mind and almost physically hurt people and myself. Quite honestly, my gf was with me and started an argument with me while I was high but before that I was having a great time. At one point I looked at her who was high too and said "I think I might do something violent. And you're ugly BTW!" I was so close to doing it, it wasn't me, it was the trip but the good voice in the back of my head was like "NO CHILL THE FUCK OUT DUDE!". Here's the thing, they say that the effects of mushrooms only last a few hours, but the next day I woke up and the ideas and crazy thoughts that had been brought on from the trip where still there! I was terrified and not to mention, they made me realize I hated my gf at the time for doing it to me cause she provided them, got me fucked up and started a blow out with me. I fell out of love with her  and we broke up. I lost my job cause I couldn't function and didn't sleep for 5 days straight because of the anxiety.

 

Ok, so after 3 mental breakdowns within 1 week and no sleep, I signed myself voluntarily into a mental hospital for a 3 day stint. During that time, I was talked to by a psychiatrist who told me about my condition and diagnosed me with depressive anxiety disorder and this Pure-O. He talked to me and helped me understand that yes my brain is wired different but it doesn't make me a bad person, maybe crazy is just a different point of view. So be proud of it as long as you're not hurting anyone. I also ended up being given a script for 100 MG Zoloft which I still use to this day. After that my entire life changed in ways that I had never even though about for the better! I fell in love with life all over again and got a new job and better job and found my fiance. Don't give up dude! There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed or afraid of in getting help by going to a hospital or talking to a Doctor. It could really change your life and make you a much better person. I hope you get better man I know life is hard dude but never give up on yourself. BE BRAVE!!!

Edited January 29, 2020 by Dubbagdarrel

[obake]

Getting help can be scary, I know, but it is worth it! @OfficalGeeDee  what's most important is that you get peace of mind again.

[[Vitz!]]

Please don't be afraid of looking for help. I know it's hard, but the more you don't seek for it, the worse things can get for you.

So please go ahead and go seek help. That's a must with any problem you can't deal with by yourself.

[OfficalGeeDee]

I’m super thankful for this community and it’s support. I’ve been gathering up all my options and I’m going to be talking with family about them. Thank you. After all is said and done and in the past, when I’m healthy and on the road to recovery. I’m going to make a kick ass megawad and play some even more killer PWADs. I’ll be back soon! 

[OfficalGeeDee]

It’s gonna be a long road to recovery, But I am on it. Learned some things about myself that answered questions and also created questions. The person that I talked to learned a lot about me. Medication is not being used, going to start with slight lifestyle changes first to see if there’s any improvement. A lot has been lifted off of me, and I haven’t felt this relieved in quite some time.

[tamara mochaccina]

Glad you're slowly getting there, man. Keep on keepin' on.

[Dubbag]

Great to hear man!