Have you ever regretted helping?

[DoomGater]

Just recently, there was this thread where a clueless Doomer asked for help running PWADs.
It was a long and stony road, but in the end, he could manage it and incidentally it became clear, that he's a freeloader.
Everybody here loves doom and bought it probably more than one time. To invest time and brains to help somebody,
who doesn't care or does not mind makes me feel abused and dirty now (Well, at least a little bit).

How do you feel about something like that?

[DesecratorJ]

Myself helping someone doing anything and showing no gratitude whatsoever can go fuck himself real hard. Lesson learnt a long time ago.

 

[Grazza]

That particular instance smelled very much like trolling, to be honest.

 

But yes, this kind of thing happens every now and then. While it feels a bit crappy, you can at least be happy that by your willingness to help, you made the world a slightly better place. Next time your help might be better received, so it's best not to get too cynical.

 

Greatest line ever about "people".

[seed]

31 minutes ago, DesecratorJ said:

Myself helping someone doing anything and showing no gratitude whatsoever can go fuck himself real hard. Lesson learnt a long time ago.

 

Yeah, very much so.

 

We have an old saying "never regret the good you've done unto others", but that can go fuck itself as well, that's exactly how you'll end up at the very bottom and them at the top, by being unbelievably naive. I've helped plenty of people, more often than not more so than I ever helped myself (!), and what did I get in return, you might ask? Ignorance, lies, mockery, played for a fool, and especially abuse, lots of it, from people I otherwise considered friends at some point. How dumb I was.

 

They're the main reason why I'm a cynical cunt nowadays. So, you want me to help? Then I'm waiting for something in return, or I help you, and you help me too, quite simple really. Otherwise, get lost.

[Cruduxy Pegg]

No. If someone is very stupid (That is, Ignoring advice and acting like a dumb ass) I just ignore the conversation like it never happened.

[printz]

I may help people, but in my own time if I feel like I learn something in the experience. Important rule is to avoid promising anything, so they won't be able to call me out if I fail to deliver. Stuff like "oh, I'll look into this tonight/the weekend" should rather be "oh I see, interesting, I may look into this when I have time". Use uncertainty words such as "may".

[DoomGater]

29 minutes ago, Grazza said:

 Next time your help might be better received, so it's best not to get too cynical.

 

THATs a proper mindset. Otherwise it would kill the willingness to help people instinctively and without hesitation. ...

[Biodegradable]

I enjoy helping where I can. I'm a freelance editor by trade, so I get people in my Twitter DMs who are trying to make their start, asking for some general advice or have a specific question about video editing. I can't say I've had too many, if any, bad experiences helping people in that regard as they've always been very courteous and grateful. 

[Endless]

26 minutes ago, Pegg said:

No. If someone is very stupid (That is, Ignoring advice and acting like a dumb ass) I just ignore the conversation like it never happened.

It's amazing how much life can improve by following this simple rule. Ignore bullshit and you'll get far.

[seed]

11 minutes ago, DoomGater said:

THATs a proper mindset. Otherwise it would kills the willingness to help people instinctively and without hesitation. ...

 

And in this case may I ask then, why is this a bad thing in the first place?

 

You can't help someone before you can help yourself, and helping requires time and dedication that not everyone is interested in offering when they've got better things to do, not to mention you might never know what kind of person you're helping until it's far too late, a lesson I learned a long time ago and still bites me in the ass up to this day, no, I'm not willing to contribute to the betterment of potential scumbags, not sorry.

 

This is not to say that I think helping others is wrong, but rather that not everyone deserves it. The world is full of monsters with friendly and familiar faces. And we're better off helping others solve their own problems, by solving their own problems for them you're only making them weaker and more dependent on someone else rather than themselves.

[DoomGater]

10 minutes ago, seed said:

 

And in this case I may ask then, why is this a bad thing in the first place?

 

 

Simply because it causes a delay. And for some decisions, timing is crucial.
bis dat qui cito dat - he gives twice who gives quickly

Edited June 15, 2020 by DoomGater : added latin quote

[andrewj]

1 hour ago, DoomGater said:

To invest time and brains to help somebody, who doesn't care or does not mind makes me feel abused and dirty now

There's no need to feel anything bad in that situation, when you have acted with good intentions and the other person has been a jerk -- that is on them.

 

When I consider helping someone here, I look for some evidence that they have done some work themselves to figure out the problem, e.g. they say what files they have put where and how they have run the sourceport (etc), and maybe typed out or made a screenshot of the error message.  If somebody just says "xxx don't work help pls!!!" then I am unilkely to bother, since it is very likely to be somebody that needs to be spoon-fed every little detail.

[dr_st]

@DoomGater

Couldn't understand what exactly bothered you - that you wasted your time on a troll or that you helped someone who freeloaded Doom and hasn't given any money to whoever currently owns the rights to Classic Doom? If it's the former - my advice - learn to recognize them faster and act accordingly. If it's the latter - my advice - get off your high horse.

 

36 minutes ago, DoomGater said:

bis dat qui cito dat - he gives twice who gives quickly

I should try this in sex one day.

[DoomGater]

35 minutes ago, dr_st said:

@DoomGater

(...)hasn't given any money to whoever currently owns the rights to Classic Doom?

Hmm, that adds a new view to my picture: Does anybody of the original creators get money from
recent classic doom sales, or are we just feeding a disgusting money monster?

 

35 minutes ago, dr_st said:

@DoomGater

I should try this in sex one day.

In my case that would probably be: "He gives too quicky twice" :-)))

[P41R47]

Yes, i feel regret of helping people in some cases. But as one of those who helped that guy on the thread, i didn't regrete it. He deserved to be helped? can't say for certain. How i feel about helping him? Its uneventful for me.

I was educated to give help always that someone need it. Without distinction or perjuice. In this case, i, as many around here, mocked him and laugh with the repetitive answers. But then, curious thing, he said the magic word for me to take him seriously "i'm no native speaker". It might be true, it might be not.

But as a writer myself, and having read work from completely different worlds, from a doctorate recipient, nobel laureate etc. to the poetry of the poorest schools around, the sing of a prisoner, and the swearing of the lowest men, i can say i learned to read between the lines, the intention behind an statement becomes clear as water, and even when he seemed arrogant about his superior abilities with the keyboard and his despise to those who sinfully use mouse to play, i read him as an unprepared and not too socialy adept guy who doesn't understand the language too well and was seeking some help.

 

We can be fooled and betrayed even by your closer relatives, and i said it by experience.

So i made an analisys:

-is there a danger about helping him? No.

-its take time, i have it?

Not much, but in between things, why not.

-i want something for helping him? Yeah, a Central Asia community project would be cool, but right now i don't want anything.

-was he grateful? Well, he give a very general thanks to all but i didn't care.

 

I can relate to some comment here, like what Seed said about helping the wrong people, but i can only find if they are the wrong people after helping them (except those morons that we all learn to fence out). If my help was appreciated or not, thats not the matter. What i learned and how thats helps me is the thing thats matters to me.

And i learned that this community can make a dog talk if we want it, and thats the pretty reward at the end of the rainbow.

 

[Jayextee]

I help wherever I am able without a second thought. Couple of times on these very forums, I've been in doubt as to whether the request was a troll but helped regardless. Y'know why? If I offer help and it's spat back at me, that's on them; not me.

So, no. I have never regretted helping another human being. No exceptions. Not ever.

[Jimmy]

I'm probably a little too helpful for my own good.

[taufan99]

I can't really remember. Perhaps a few times I have, but most of the time I'm too unfocused to ever think about this.

[HorrorMovieRei]

I can certainly understand. I'm very empathetic to a point where it actually starts being hurtful to myself. There have been a few times where people essentially manipulated me into doing things against my will because of guilt tripping alone. I just kinda avoid getting involved with anyone's problems now unless they're someone I can 100% trust(pretty much only my parents, sister and my partner), which is one way to fix it but I also feel like I'm a worse person now because of this.

[Dark Pulse]

Helped someone out to the tune of them owing me $37,000+ that I'll be lucky if I even see a tenth of it back, and I've still got to clean up about $16,000 or so that I owe to friends because of it with zero help from that person, unlike what I figured would happen. Going to take me literally years to un-fuck it, since I don't even make $20,000 a year, and of course I've still got bills and shit that need to be paid.

 

Otherwise? Absolutely not, helping people is a moral good. But I sure as shit won't do it to that level ever again for the rest of my life again unless I'm married to you, I made you, or you're related to me through my marriage.

[Chezza]

I don't regret helping people, a couple risks I made helping others has not backfired. But I am cautious on who I assist.

 

I've learnt to watch out for people who ask for help, directly or not. They're less likely to sincerely appreciate it, get themselves into many of their issues and will see you as the regular go-to, likely to repeat in a viscous cycle.

 

It's those who keep their problems to themselves, helping them is rewarding to you and them.

[BigBoy91]

That guy's an asshole.

[Smouths]

I don't mind helping people for the most part, especially if it doesn't cost me much time/effort/whatever. It's generally best to assume that there's not going to be any reward in doing so though, so always consider first how much you're really willing to impose on yourself or you'll inevitably end up feeling frustrated/angry/overextended or possibly get taken advantage of outright.

 

In the case of that thread in particular, making a 5 step picture guide for loading mods took about 6 minutes to do, so I'm not too fussed about it not actually helping, personally.

 

"No good deed goes unpunished," is that a saying anywhere else?

Edited June 15, 2020 by Smouths

[TheNoob_Gamer]

3 hours ago, DoomGater said:

Does anybody of the original creators get money from
recent classic doom sales

Kevin Cloud and Donna Jackson still work at id and they've been there since the 90s.

[Zulk RS]

6 hours ago, DoomGater said:

Just recently, there was this thread where a clueless Doomer asked for help running PWADs.
 

...

 

 

Off-topic but just wanted pop in to say, thanks for introducing me to that thread which I missed. It was one heck of a wild ride. It's the kind of shit I missed reading in Post Hell. So thanks for that.

[Worst]

Something to keep in mind when helping out someone asking for help in these forums, is that even if the person who started the thread turns out to be a jerk or something, if their problem is legitimate, there may very well be other people with the same problem, who may find help in your replies to the original poster.

So unless it is something very specific, you are likely to help more people than just the person asking the question.

[GarrettChan]

It depends on what kind of matters.

 

First, it's the one on the forum. TBH, I personally would say before asking questions, at least try a little bit (or maybe a lot) by yourself. This is one of those cases that he doesn't show too much himself trying to solve his problems (let alone how he act in other Nightmare! threads). This happens at a higher frequency in speedrun places since things are more complicated than just running the game, but sometimes I don't know whether things drive people crazy or not, and people act very strange. In this case, I probably would just change my attitude to something like reading a joke and take it easy.

 

Then, when it comes to real life, things get complicated. Like some of the replies above, lending money to someone is a very good example leading to regrets. With that being said, I guess you need to make sure that you can accept the worst consequence, aka no getting anything back in the first place. Then you probably should carefully choose the person you're going to help like Chezza said.

[ZeroTheEro]

yes.

especially when he goes ring around the rosy.

[frag enabler]

Yes, mostly in cases when the person I helped becomes clingly/overly attached, starts asking questions about every tiniest goddamn thing on a daily basis, sends friend requests everywhere etc. I just don't want to deal with the inevitability of snapping and telling them to fuck off and stop bothering me. Worse yet, I often make a step-by-step idiotproof tutorials just to get these people off my back, but nope, not even that helps.

IRL I got burned so many times I don't even offer assistance anymore, even if I come across as an asshole. Getting real tired of some people remembering my existence only when they need help with something. The final straw happened in 2017, when during Xmas I was the only one to not receive anything, despite having brought gifts for everyone. The "family" was all giddy unpacking their stuff, and I was just sitting there, not knowing what to say.

I will help an old lady cross the street/carry her bags/let a pregnant woman through however.

[Fonze]

Wow