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Death itself cannot die part 6

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Chapter 6 is finished. Tell me what you think. It seems really long, but I like to make my stories long and good.

We were all going to die in here.

At least that’s what it felt like. I was sweating under my suit. It was getting unbearably hot. As if the place was on fire. We walked out to an open place that looked a bit like an arena.

“Where are we?” Mark asked, sweat dripping from his eyebrows.

“It looks like an arena.” I exclaimed. I looked into the middle of the room, and I saw another warp pad, like the one we saw earlier.

“Don’t touch it. I have a feeling…” Venus said quietly. We heard roars and barks in the far distance. They were slowly getting louder. Walls around the warp pad started to rise and soon it was completely covered. The growls were louder now. They were followed by loud crashes. Like footsteps. Metallic footsteps that shook the ground as they stepped.

“Get ready, guys. Be prepared for anything.” I yelled, the loud footsteps drowning out my voice.

A wall on the left of me shook. The footsteps stopped.

My pulse quickened.

The wall suddenly fell with a loud crash, nearly killing me under the falling chunks of rock.


A massive creature with 4 metallic legs. It had short, stubby arms that reached out only a couple of feet from its body. It had a huge brain attached to its small face. Its eyes were all blue, and it had terrible fangs. Attached to its metallic torso were a few wires and an enormous chain gun.

The monster growled and screeched.

“Take cover!!!” I screamed.

The monster’s chain gun started spinning, then it unleashed a barrage of bullets into the air. I jumped behind a crevice, loading a rocket into my rocket launcher. I peeked from the corner and fired.

The monster screamed in pain and anger. It turned its gun towards me and fired just as I ducked to safety. Bullets were ricocheting over my head. I fired another rocket when it turned, blowing off a large chunk of its huge brain. The monster screamed and fell to the ground. It still fired, despite its disability.

“This thing wont die!” I screamed. Nobody heard me, as the deafening gunshots were too loud.

I fired a third rocket, trashing one of its legs. I fired a forth time, hitting it in the face and it soon grew silent.

It was dead.

I looked around the battlefield. Bullet holes in the walls on all sides. It looked like a whole army had just passed by here. I dropped to my knees. I couldn’t take it. The heat, the blood, the death… It was driving me crazy.

The walls surrounding the portal opened suddenly and the portal was accessible again. It shone with an eerie red glow, beckoning us to come to it. I stepped on it.

“Wait!” Venus yelled. “I don’t think this is smart… I have a weird feeling…” She looked at the symbol. It wasn’t a pentagram. It was a strange triangle form. She put her hand on its surface. She felt a little static, and she removed her glove and tossed it on. The glove shone with a green flash, and it disappeared.

“Let’s go.” She exclaimed. We all passed through the portal.

On the other side was a dark room. I could hardly see anything, except the status lights on my comrade’s suits. There were barks and growls in the distance. Our ammo was running low. We only had enough for one last group of monsters. We slowly walked into a hallway, filled with the frightening echoes of barks and moans.

“All rite, I think I’m convinced we’re not on earth anymore…” I exclaimed.

We moved towards a door with a computer pad on the wall. I opened it and aimed my shotgun inside. I had 2 shells left.

The room was empty.


I switched the light on.

More dead Marines. The room filled with the pungent stench of rotting flesh and internal organs. On the wall, written in blood, was the following message in plain English.

“Death itself cannot die… Your species shall be wiped from the universe.”

I felt as if my heart was about to jump out of my chest. It was slamming on the inside of my ribcage.

Venus removed her helmet and examined the next door on the left wall of the room. It swung open, and she screamed.

A huge, bloody skeleton-like figure watched us as we entered the room. It had metallic armor on its ribs and two huge weapons on its shoulders. It was a very tall monster.

It screeched and ran towards us, sending Venus and Kazi across the room, smashing them into a wall.

It ran up to me and drove its large, skeletal fist into my face. It punched me in the chest three times, twice in the face, until finally throwing me across the hall, landing on the floor beside Venus.

It turned and looked at Rocky. It fired two flaming rockets at him from a distance. He shot them with his chaingun, destroying them before they could destroy him. He launched more bullets at the skeleton, and it’s skull cracked, and it fell to the floor.


Rocky dropped his chaingun. It was useless, as it’s ammo meter read 2.

I got up slowly and shook my head. I helped Venus up from the ground. Kazi was sitting on the floor and he looked quite freaked out.

I felt my face. I moved my mouth around and spat out some blood and cracked teeth. I walked slowly towards a portion of cracked stone on the floor. I sat with a thump, resting my head on my knee.

Venus looked at me, concerned. “Let’s stop and rest, marines.”

That’s the first time she called us that. At least in a while. Venus slowly came over and sat beside me. Rocky sat on the floor, and his large build shook the ground as he hit it. Kazi stood on a ledge and stared out a window. Mark was just sitting with his Plasma Rifle.

“I… can’t take any more…” I whispered to Venus. “I won’t last to the end of this…”

Venus sighed. “Don’t worry. We’re here with you. That’s why we’re a team. We help each other out when we need it.”

I looked up from the floor. I turned my head around the room, and stared long at the message on the wall. It’s words drilled deep into my mind, forever etching them into my endless memory.

Venus moved closer to me. She smiled. “Don’t worry. Calm down, you can take it. Just last a few more hours and you can go back to earth with us.” Venus turned away and looked at Rocky.

“Hey, Rocky.” Venus shouted. Rocky looked up. “How many plasma cells you got left?” He looked at his P.R. He shook his head. 71. Just enough left for one more shot from my BFG.”

Venus slammed her fist on the floor. “Shit… We won’t last…”

That’s when I got scared. Venus usually wasn’t the one to act like that. Either way, things started looking worse than they did when we first came in…

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Some great ideas put down in this story but there are a number of shortcomings imo:

“All rite, I think I’m convinced we’re not on earth anymore…” I exclaimed.

Whoa! What a genius!!! They've just trudged through an unbearably hot place with walls made of flesh and intestines and whatnot for a while and after killing that spiderdemon (which I think you made far too weak), he suddenly says "We're not on Earth anymore" - I think that was pretty obvious from the start.

On the wall, written in blood, was the following message in plain English.

“Death itself cannot die… Your species shall be wiped from the universe.”

Now this is where I really felt that you ruined an otherwise great story. Demons writing in a civilized language??? I don't believe it - unless it was written by a possessed human of course.

Apart from that you have a number of spelling mistakes (I marked one of 'em with bold letters in my first quote), but otherwise a well-written chapter.

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Yeah, i know i made the spiderdemon much too weak, but i was really rushing to get to the next part. (I could have made it better) The reason the message was in english will soon be revealed in the story. Just wait for the next chapter.

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imgonnagetcha said:

Yeah, i know i made the spiderdemon much too weak, but i was really rushing to get to the next part. (I could have made it better)

Well, then perhaps you shouldn't rush it - do as Spike advised you earlier and take your time to make the story good. There's plenty of time, we won't go anywhere.

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