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RaphaelMode

I'm building a shopping mall in Hell. Got anything to sell?

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Located in the Yellowriver district of Dentata Commonwaelth, it's guaranteed to be brimming with interdimensional tourists looking for all the new and exciting things the post-mortal world has to offer. In addition, this year's Deathmatch Challenge route will overlap with this mall's grounds, bringing even more attention to it. It may well become an even hotter destination than Earth's alraedy glamorous Sin City.

 

As a part of an initiative to support small businesses, we have locations available for FREE. Try out your wild business idea for one month without worrying about expenses.

 

DEMOGRAPHICS:

Humans and hellspawn have been coexisting paecefully since the end of the interdimensional war and the abolition of permanent mortality. In the Dentata Commonwaelth however, violence continues to be perpetuated for entertainment. This, and interspecies interactions of all kinds, have been the primary vectors of business, but don't be afraid to pitch a completely unrelated idea!

 

HOW TO APPLY:

Describe your business idea in the comment section below. Describe what goods or services your business will offer, or how the place would look like. That's all it takes for your business idea to become reality, and become faetured during the next Deathmatch Challenge, and seen in R.A.C.Kill! (Depending on location your business may either be accessible or only seen as a storefront. You may also provide your own images/textures.)

 

BONUS OFFER:

In addition to business location, we offer a lot of billboard space. Advertise anything you want! Billboards are 256x128 in size, and placed in all 30 areas of the Deathmatch Challenge route.

 

Spoiler

CLfloorplan.png.79cd189d1a4922e0d864b4caad89eb05.png

Floor plan of the mall

 

CLinterior.png.3455a26f3a276517543bb6064a4db252.png

Photo of the interior

 

 

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MANNY'S PLUS-SIZE CYBERNETICS EMPORIUM

 

If you're a big fat party animal like Manny is, then you know flamethrowers just aren't enough to have a good time all the time.  Don't get me wrong, nobody loves wantonly setting shit on fire like Manny does--but the mancubus of today doesn't need to be restricted to just one toy, now, does he?

 

No, for the mancubus who loves a little more jazz in his life, Manny's got you covered just about every way you can think.  Ever thought chainguns would be fun? No problem!  Think you can handle the kick from some rocket action?  Well we'll help you find out!  Or maybe you're jealous of those babby spiders and their plasma cannons?  Come in for our Dead Simple Deals on all things palsma and show those smol spoods what you're made of!

 

And whoever said a chonker like you had to be restricted to one implant, anyway?  Mix and match with our incredible menu of cannons, launchers, guns, chainsaws, gunblades and whatever else you consider your flavor.  And weapons are only the beginning.  Become your very own Swiss Army Mancubus with our wide selection of tools for the home, office, kitchen or torture chamber.  Fit yourself too with our array of specialized backpack units to feed your arm decor--ammo, gasoline, whipped cream, champagne, let your imagination and our crazy low prices be your only limit!  And while we're mentioning it, don't forget to sneak into our adult section to liven up the bedroom as well ;3

 

So waddle on down to Manny's Plus-Size Cybernetics Emporium, and get yourself fitted with the best, funnest, wackiest tech that those nuts at Hell-UAC have to offer!  It's our grand opening so our first 666 customers will get a FREE year-long store membership with discounts offered weekly on our specialty goods.  What are you waiting for?  Our door is wide open to you...with an emphasis on wide. 

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Posted (edited)

ZeMystic's Fireblu Dildos!

No.

 

Mystic's "Don't Get Fragged" Arcade!

 

FEATURING

Arcade cabinets that can provide cover!

A rewards shelf for scoring so many frags tickets!

 

ALTERNATIVELY 

 

Id probably put up a billboard like this

Spoiler

image.png.1514ca3084386926c758d77470c6bc5c.png

 

but its just Hell or SUPER HELL!

Edited by ZeMystic

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1 hour ago, ZeMystic said:

Id probably put up a billboard like this

Does... does this actually exist? 

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3 minutes ago, Silhou3tte said:

Does... does this actually exist? 

Have you been anywhere in rural united states????

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1 minute ago, ZeMystic said:

Have you been anywhere in rural united states????

I’m not from the US and I had no idea people were like this.  I don’t want to derail this thread.. but I have no idea how to feel about this. 

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2 hours ago, ZeMystic said:

ZeMystic's Fireblu Dildos!

No.

Yes

But only in the establishments dedicated to Cybie fisting (and other such activities).

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BLOOD 4 GOLD

 

Turn your unwanted blood into cold hard cash at BLOOD 4 GOLD!

 

Do you realise you're holding an untapped fortune? All that lovely blood going to waste, just lying there, USELESSLY in your veins. At BLOOD 4 GOLD we'll take it off your hands* in exchange for ACTUAL GOLD.

 

Yes that's right! Our competitive rates can't be beaten! Sell as little or as much as you want! With our "FULL DRAIN" package, you could be RICH in a just a few minutes!

 

And we promise we won't waste it on "medical procedures" like pointlessly putting it back into other people. No, 100% of all the blood we receive is used to paint and repaint the cursed wall at the back of the shop lest THEY start to come through.

 

Why delay? Come on down to BLOOD 4 GOLD now, and walk** away a rich man!

 

 

*actually through your neck

 

**crawl

 





"Full drain" package does not include the "walk away" option. We reserve the right to loot your bloodless corpse and/or to arrange it, alongside those of other customers, into an amusing tableau for marketing purposes. BLOOD 4 GOLD cannot guarantee any level of care or competence related to hygiene, medical practice, or knowing the best place to insert the blood hose. We try our best. Customers implicitly agree that BLOOD 4 GOLD may extract more than the agreed upon quantity of their blood, up to and including all of it.



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2 minutes ago, Nootrac4571 said:

BLOOD 4 GOLD

 

Well, in the FCT shop mod you can sort of do that -selling weapons, ammo and armor for (little) cash. No health selling service though, and healing (up to 100 HP) is free.

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What about pet Cacodemons? I'd buy 10 of them.

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2 minutes ago, Wavy said:

What about pet Cacodemons? I'd buy 10 of them.

and then they would eat you...

how cute of them

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Thank you for the good ideas, everyone!

 

18 hours ago, ZeMystic said:

ZeMystic's Fireblu Dildos!

No.

Then it will not be included among the other business ideas. But since none of the existing dildos had a Fireblu design, that may need to be fixed anyway.

 

16 hours ago, Devalaous said:

There better be a drink shop filled with millions of health bonuses

That may be redundant, but perhaps I will name a soda machine in your honour. There are numerous tables to be found, and as you may know from the latest demo relaeses, R.A.C.Kill brandishes two different collectible drink types.

 

14 hours ago, wolfmcbeard said:

A Spencer's of course.
Just a normal Spencer's.

That is going to cost money.

 

3 hours ago, Reelvonic said:

and then they would eat you...

how cute of them

But, as the old saying goes, "only if u want em to :3"

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FRYED FINGERS

Like a chilli dogs cart, but instead of hot dogs, it sells fryed fingers, 'cuz ya know, it's hell, it needs hellish stuff

Yep, no promotion, no slogan, just a demon... standing behind the cart... In a corner... Totally quiet... Questioning if you're gonna buy something, or just questioning its life...

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Thank you for keeping the universe stable by submitting your very bad ideas. I'm looking forward for more, though if you only started submitting good ideas from now on, it would be acceptable as well.

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Zombieman Hair Salon.

 

Tired of the old nukage-colored hair? Come on here, were we'll snazz up your hairdo in any color you can imagine*!

 

*as long as it is in the palette.

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how about a small blood shop that sell cups of pure guts for anyone to enjoy

also it need a cybernetics shop for all the cyber demons out there

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Posted (edited)

Here I just scanned a very relevant 25 year old parody magazine featuring Doom in which they used E1M9's map as a Martian Shopping Mall.

 

https://www.mediafire.com/file/xjibhpz7i37p4th/doomparodymag.zip/file

32.6MB zip.   Seven 100% jpgs ranging 3 to 5.5 MB except full color cover is 8.8MB.   Sorry, the table of contents scan is pretty slanted.

 

         Watch out for Horny Pink Demons!

DMcrack_0031small.jpg.b36e81c99aef6e22336b942ef89b6c87.jpg

 

Shrunken pages pasted back together.

DMcrack_32n33small.jpg.1513d57223f151836aab0d700ee3b8e2.jpg

 

In case places are hard to read they're:

McDaemons, Stapled Office Supplies, Burger Imp, Hoof Locker, Cower Records, Hanging Daz Ice Cream, The Little Martian's Room, Bashin' Robbins, Seared, Dungeon Donuts, Taco Hell, Sam Bloody Record Store, WalMars, Citicopse Bank & ATM, The Body Shot, Bloodsucker Video, Radio Shock, Victoria's Secret Weapon, Food Court, ICHOP Restaurant, Burns & Noble Bookstore, Human's Sporting Goods, Doomingdale's, Jack LaPain Fitness Center.

Edited by Gokuma

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megadeth albums, cock pumps, joke boobs, anything from hot topic really. actually just put a fucking hot topic in it lol.

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