i really don't like being in this community

[roadworx]

mandatory "yes i know the title sounds clickbaity as shit"

 

anyways...while i love this community and all the content it produces, all the conversation there is, how welcoming it is...i really don't like being in it, if that makes much sense. there's nothing wrong with the community itself, it's fine and all, and this is gonna sound contradictory af but i do love interacting with everyone here, and i love the community itself as well

 

this is probably gonna sound a bit dumb cuz i have a feeling i dwell far too much on this, but the reason i say that i don't like being in it is cuz it means that i have to feel the pain of seeing others who i really look up - and i look up to a lot of you - drift away from it, and eventually leave all together. it really hurts, and i know that it has to happen eventually but seeing people who i genuinely really care about leave for an indefinite period of time is terrible. i think that this might be affecting me more than it should cuz you're all just a bunch of internet people who i'll never even be that close to, but it feels like losing a really good friend every single time one of you leaves and i really hate it

 

i talk to people, i get to know them, see all the good in them, and then they just...vanish. oftentimes without even a word, and while it's for the best that people don't put on a show when they leave, it leaves me feeling like something crucial is missing. and that right there is why i just really don't like this community, and i guess this kinda goes for other communities as well, but this one is just a lot more personal to me

 

sorry for spilling my dumb feelings everywhere, i just needed to say this and see if everyone thinks i'm just too attached to this place or something. and sorry if this belongs in ee, i wasn't sure where exactly to put it

[Biodegradable]

Sounds like you have a bigger issue dealing with the fact that things change, that they're finite and eventually end one way or another. Change is indeed scary and the instinct to try and avoid pain makes sense, but at the same time, that pain you're actively trying to avoid is what makes things mean something to you. You feel the pain of loss of a thing because you cared and that's a beautiful thing you must relish, rather than avoid. If you avoid it, then nothing will ever mean anything to you and you'll forget what it truly means to care. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life as an unfeeling husk, actively avoiding the idea of engaging with anything ever again be it your hobbies, your passions, your ideas, your friends and loved ones and live an utterly hollow existence; I think you're going to have to stop running from the pain and embrace it wholesale.

[Doom_Dude]

That is the way it is with forums. I really started to notice this with Newdoom. The first two guys I interacted with in the Doom community vanished, one within a month and the other over a period of a few years. Some of the ones that joined Newdoom shortly after I arrived I'm still friends with, so that's a good thing. Community folk disappear at times and never come back (some do come back tho) and yes there are people that you'll never see again sadly. You just have to go with the flow and despite the fact that people vanish, there's still a lot of us that stay and there's a constant influx of new people too. Try not to worry about it too much. Like Biodegradable said, things change. The way I see it, it's the normal life of a healthy forum really. Try to not worry too much about the folks that vanish, as long as they're happy then so be it. Besides at different times, I said 'where did so and so get to' and they'll pop up and slap me or something, so they're not always vanished but taking a break or just not as active.

[Horus]

People coming and going is a fact of life in general, in real life as well as forums. It's something that you really will just have to accept, like Bio said. Try not to reminisce too much about the members lost, more embrace the new people that come in (of which there are many, this community seems as active as ever right now)

[Final Verdict]

Then I'll endeavour to make myself less likeable for you.

 

Humour aside, I get where you're coming from. It's never nice to see old friends go but it works the same way in life. People come and go, some stick around and some don't for various reasons. In my case for example most of my childhood friends were dead before I hit 20. Sure I bump into other old friends now and then but the ones I grew up with are gone forever.

 

I'm not trying to be depressive here. I'm just saying it is what it is and you have to accept it. I'm not saying it should be easy mind you, the fact that it isn't easy for you lends a lot of weight to your character.

 

In any case, it's usually out of your hands. Try not to dwell on it too much.

 

[out_of_service]

You're not you when you're hungry.

[Doomkid]

I've come to the conclusion that the sadness of people drifting away is not worth the loneliness of depriving yourself from meeting them in the first place, but I only came to that conclusion by asking myself if it's worth it multiple times over the years.

 

I will say though that I tend to keep my relationships with people at arms length unless I've known them for years, and that is mainly because people disappearing sucks.. but a big chunk of it is also because there's just not enough hours in the day to properly forge all the theoretical friendships I'd like to as well..

[nostalgia]

20 minutes ago, PSXDoomer said:

You're not you when you're hungry.

 

Basically this.

[Rytrik]

33 minutes ago, PSXDoomer said:

You're not you when you're hungry.

Yup. Or overly tired.

[The BMFG]

(stupid comment dont ask)

Edited May 17, 2021 by The BMFG

[Lizardcommando]

It happens in every community. People come and go as they please. Some make big announcements, others will simply slip away unnoticed. I'm pretty sure everyone at some point made a big deal about leaving their favorite community (whether it's here or some other forum) at least once in their life. The point is, I wouldn't sweat it too much. It's a pretty normal way of life. Worrying about this kind of thing is going to give you unneeded stress in your life.

[Decay]

The doom community is overall pretty shitty. But it's kind of par for the course for most game related communities. You'll find some great people sure, but even they often have terrible personalities behind closed doors. A lot of people treat it like a theatre show - how much attention can you get, how big of an act can you put up, how many likes/followers can you get, how many people can you subtly control. You see less of it on the forums these days but if you dig even just a little bit there's a lot more negativity than you might think.

 

But hey Doom modding is pretty awesome so it may or may not be worth sticking around for that.

[Major Arlene]

Just now, Decay said:

The doom community is overall pretty shitty. But it's kind of par for the course for most game related communities. You'll find some great people sure, but even they often have terrible personalities behind closed doors. A lot of people treat it like a theatre show - how much attention can you get, how big of an act can you put up, how many likes/followers can you get, how many people can you subtly control.

This is more the exception than the rule. While I've been met with a lot of disappointment over the actions of some people I've met in this community since I began my time here, I've also been rewarded with meeting a lot of very great and kind people and relationships that have helped me grow as a mapper, a community member, and in some cases as a moderator. 

To reference a favorite quote from Camille Paglia- "You cannot be risk-free and free." Life is like that no matter where you go or what communities you're in. But overall, people do need to remember that we're brought together because of a game- the interest in that game will wane and therefore people will interact with the community less. It hurts, but definitely just enjoy the time you have with the folks you're with. And don't worry too much when they go.

[MemeMind]

On the topic of the Doom community, I refer to it as two main communities. The Classic and the Modern communities. 

I do this because they are different one is more focused on the classic games and the other on the reboots.

They are usually separated by platforms where the more larger platforms are used by the Modern Communities where the classic still uses forums like this one.

I can go on about the sub communities and other things but I feel like separating the two main types doom fans can help alot.
 

[Major Arlene]

1 minute ago, Theperson said:

On the topic of the Doom community, I refer to it as two main communities. The Classic and the Modern communities. 

I do this because they are different one is more focused on the classic games and the other on the reboots.

They are usually separated by platforms where the more larger platforms are used by the Modern Communities where the classic still uses forums like this one.

I can go on about the sub communities and other things but I feel like separating the two main types doom fans can help alot.
 

Not particularly- there's a LOT of overlap between the two and pretty disingenuous to separate them out from each other. 

[MemeMind]

1 minute ago, Major Arlene said:

Not particularly- there's a LOT of overlap between the two and pretty disingenuous to separate them out from each other. 

Correct I know about alot of the overlap (I love all doom games)

I just have a organizational mind and it helps me.

 

[roadworx]

i just wanna say, thank you all for replying. this really really helps <3

i'll try to reply to everything (that isn't a snickers joke ffs lmao)

 

5 hours ago, Biodegradable said:

-snip-

h, yeah, i do have problems with change. i hate seeing things i care about change, and i guess i just have to accept that that's a fact of life rather than depriving myself of everything good that comes out of it. it's just hard, cuz when it hurts it makes me feel like it was never worth it to begin with. but i gotta remember that that's not true in the slightest

 

4 hours ago, Doom_Dude said:

-snip-

god, i can't imagine how it must be after 20 years. although, i suppose that means that not everyone is gonna just up and leave, so at the very least i can take comfort in that

 

2 hours ago, Final Verdict said:

-snip-

jesus...i'm sorry...you've gone through way too much shit man ))):

i always figured that being hurt really badly by people leaving just meant i was too sensitive or something, but i'm just glad to see that that's not entirely the case

 

1 hour ago, Doomkid said:

-snip-

you're right, it's probably not worth it at all. even in other communities i've thought about just isolating myself and trying not to get close to anybody, but sometimes that just makes it worse for me than it would if i just let myself enjoy it while it lasted. that just ended up making me confused and not knowing what to do, which is kinda why i felt the need to make this thread in the first place. i try not to get hurt, but i suppose that sometimes it's inevitable

 

1 hour ago, The BMFG said:

-snip-

so, i'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt cuz you're young and don't fully realize the impact you have on others, but i just want you to try to think about why what you just said is an absolutely horrendous thing to say. like...seriously. it's really bad.

 

36 minutes ago, Lizardcommando said:

-snip-

ugh, yeah, i've done it before unfortunately. i was a dumb kid lol. and you're right, i just gotta live life and try my best not to dwell on things, although that can be really hard at times

 

25 minutes ago, Decay said:

-snip-

someone didn't read the thread :p

and i have to disagree - doomworld is actually one of the much better gaming communities out there

 

20 minutes ago, Major Arlene said:

-snip-

you're right, but it just feels like something more than just being brought together by a game. although, that may just be me getting far too attached to the community than anything, but idk

[wallabra]

Hey, mate. I know that feeling. I've had online friends in the past who I really miss now. I feel nostalgic and it's hard to get over sometimes. The thing is they have their own lives and the tides of time just tug them separately. It's hard to maintain a friendship over time, it really is, and it's not your fault. It's better to keep meeting new friends and sharing new good times. :)

 

I know I'm not the most seasoned Doomworld denizen here..... But here, you can have a hug. \o/

[valkiriforce]

Ironically, seeing this topic was created by roadworx made me think, "Oh no, is he leaving?"

[NoXion]

@roadworx

You've been around here about as long as I have, or at least our registration dates are rather close. So in the spirit of finding common ground, I'd like to say that as a fellow 2014 registrant, your posts have never been an unwelcome sight in my eyes.

Some good posters have doubtless stopped making their presence known in the time since I started posting here, but personally I have no intention of abandoning this forum. Maybe my posting frequency will drop off in the future if I find something else to occupy my spare time with other than Doom, but that would just be the direction of my life pulling me away, rather than me being pushed out by anything going on in here. I think this is a great community, and perhaps part of what makes it great is how people can come and go, helping to keep the zeitgeist fresh.

[MemeMind]

1 minute ago, Reelvonic said:

but hey, were better than the subreddit 🤩

Anything is better than r/doom

[Chip]

I've always felt like Doomworld was different from other online communities. Like here, I sometimes recognize every name on a thread. On Reddit, I rarely if ever recognize a name. The people here are also very nice compared to other online websites like I don't think there is anybody here who is or has been a troll. A major thing is that the site isn't overrun by kids my age where half of the words are referencing memes or pop culture. it's very laid back. I feel like I attach to people more here because many of us share common interests beyond just playing DOOM. I took a half-year hiatus starting about 7 or 8 months ago and recently just came back a month ago. In that time, I've seen some new faces and see some people not here anymore. I was so upset to see @seed not appear here in a couple of weeks but was happy to see @Final Verdict make a return. 

[magicsofa]

Movement and change is the basis of existence as far as we know it. We all drift back to the ether from which we came. Focus on what you are doing right now, including connecting with other people. If you dwell on the past forever, you'll become depressed that everything eventually changes. But if you can truly center yourself in the current moment, which is always emerging, you'll realize that the infinite possibilities ahead of you far outweigh the finite histories behind you.

Or something....

[DNSKILL5]

I know how you feel, really, but there’s no escaping it anywhere you go. Every gaming community I’ve been apart of has had people leave with a long farewell about why, to people who seemingly vanish without a trace, never to be heard from again. The ones who make it a point to say farewell, it’s usually easier to let them go. They’ve made their choice and you can either respect it or don’t. They’re also the ones who are most likely to return again later compared to those who disappear without a trace. When you don’t know why they stopped showing up, and months turns into years.. decades even.. it’s hard to let those people go if you truly cared about them or at least appreciated their presence and what they had to offer that particular community. When you don’t know, the imagination can run wild and you could think of the worst, but you have no way of knowing for sure. 
 

This type of thing goes beyond gaming communities as well. You lose friends along this ride that you have no idea where it went wrong. People you work with who suddenly never return to the office, etc. 

 

All you can do is try to move on, hope them the best, find peace, and cherish the connections you make that stick with you for life, never take those for granted.  

[omx32x]

5 hours ago, Decay said:

The doom community is overall pretty shitty. But it's kind of par for the course for most game related communities. You'll find some great people sure, but even they often have terrible personalities behind closed doors. A lot of people treat it like a theatre show - how much attention can you get, how big of an act can you put up, how many likes/followers can you get, how many people can you subtly control. You see less of it on the forums these days but if you dig even just a little bit there's a lot more negativity than you might think.

 

But hey Doom modding is pretty awesome so it may or may not be worth sticking around for that.

i dont think thats fair thats just how humans behave in general and yea of course if you spend a lot of time in a community especially a small one like this then you will know more about the shit parts of everyone

[Argent Agent]

6 hours ago, roadworx said:

someone didn't read the thread :p

and i have to disagree - doomworld is actually one of the much better gaming communities out there

 

I think a lot of what Decay is referring is with respect to his experiences in the multiplayer DooM community (particularly Skulltag/Zandronum), where there was always drama of some sort going on and some bad actors among the community creating problems or toxic environments. A lot of those bad actors either left or were eventually banned from the port/community, but to be fair the multiplayer community has also withered away to such an extent (with more people leaving than they are entering) that there is not all too much of a unified community around it as it is heavily fractured and insular not only based upon source ports, but game modes and mods.

[Doomkid]

7 hours ago, Argent Agent said:

I think a lot of what Decay is referring is with respect to his experiences in the multiplayer DooM community (particularly Skulltag/Zandronum), where there was always drama of some sort going on and some bad actors among the community creating problems or toxic environments. A lot of those bad actors either left or were eventually banned from the port/community, but to be fair the multiplayer community has also withered away to such an extent (with more people leaving than they are entering) that there is not all too much of a unified community around it as it is heavily fractured and insular not only based upon source ports, but game modes and mods.

I remember some of us wishing all the drama would just die back in 2012 or so.

 

In the end, we got our wish, the drama DID die... but it took most of the community with it. It was like having a wish granted by a monkey paw.

[roadworx]

4 minutes ago, Doomkid said:

I remember some of us wishing all the drama would just die back in 2012 or so.

 

In the end, we got our wish, the drama DID die... but it took most of the community with it. It was like having a wish granted by a monkey paw.

wait, what happened?

[Boomslang]

20 hours ago, roadworx said:

mandatory "yes i know the title sounds clickbaity as shit"

 

anyways...while i love this community and all the content it produces, all the conversation there is, how welcoming it is...i really don't like being in it, if that makes much sense. there's nothing wrong with the community itself, it's fine and all, and this is gonna sound contradictory af but i do love interacting with everyone here, and i love the community itself as well

 

this is probably gonna sound a bit dumb cuz i have a feeling i dwell far too much on this, but the reason i say that i don't like being in it is cuz it means that i have to feel the pain of seeing others who i really look up - and i look up to a lot of you - drift away from it, and eventually leave all together. it really hurts, and i know that it has to happen eventually but seeing people who i genuinely really care about leave for an indefinite period of time is terrible. i think that this might be affecting me more than it should cuz you're all just a bunch of internet people who i'll never even be that close to, but it feels like losing a really good friend every single time one of you leaves and i really hate it

 

i talk to people, i get to know them, see all the good in them, and then they just...vanish. oftentimes without even a word, and while it's for the best that people don't put on a show when they leave, it leaves me feeling like something crucial is missing. and that right there is why i just really don't like this community, and i guess this kinda goes for other communities as well, but this one is just a lot more personal to me

 

sorry for spilling my dumb feelings everywhere, i just needed to say this and see if everyone thinks i'm just too attached to this place or something. and sorry if this belongs in ee, i wasn't sure where exactly to put it

don't worry, i'm here forever. nothing stops the boomslang train.

[Doomkid]

8 minutes ago, roadworx said:

wait, what happened?

In terms of sheer numbers, Zandronum has declined a lot. The decline has been pretty gradual, but the difference between now and 6-8 years ago is pretty notable. Several prominent users were ousted from the community throughout that time (rightfully so, usually) but the end result is that the Zand forums turned into a deserted wasteland. Probably just a mix of people missing the drama/entertainment, moving away from Doom, and the port itself getting on in years, falling further and further behind GZDoom (not blaming the devs, they have lives too of course, but it is what it is).

 

The port isn't dead, and for that I'm thankful, but it's kinda sad just watching it shrink more and more, and with no drama-based entertainment like there used to be I guess even less people are reeled in.

 

When those of us who hated the drama wished for it to die (I mean, it WAS 100% moronic) we had no idea it would take 50-60% of the people with it.