Short Story

[Asephilocity]

While I'm busy working on Frozen Hell, I have a little short story for you. It does involve Hyena from the Hyena TC by Unholy Software, so if Ebola doesn't like it I'll have no problem if it's sent to Post Hell. If anyone has a good name for it, tell me. Anyways, here's the story.

The enemy fortress was, fortunately, surrounded by thick jungle. Just open enough for a clear shot at the guards, but impossible to be seen through. Especially in a foggy night like this. Flynn Taggart, who had earned the nickname Doom from his great history of combat, crouched on a cliff, which resided above a sea of forest. It was a dangerous area, much more visible than the posts of his teammates. Doom was the only one who could handle it without being seen.

As he scoped the outer limits of the base, a radio transmission came in from below. "This is Hyena, do you copy? Over." Was whispered through the radio. "I copy, over." Doom replyed. Hyena was, in a way, a runner up to the famous demon-killer. He hadn't had very much experience with hellspawn, but he was an expert in heavy weapons, and his aim was amazingly accurate. Doom greatly respected Hyena, which was a contributing factor to why he came out of retirement to do this mission.

"What's the status? Over." Hyena whispered. "Two guards up front, three to the east, three to the west, and eight or nine all around on the upper floor. There are four guard towers, but the guard in the southwestern tower is asleep. Our best option is to come in from the southwest. Davidson takes out the guard, while you snipe the upper floor's guards. The rest of us go in while Davidson sneaks back to his position and sets off some flares. While they're distracted, we'll storm the place. You and Smith take out the power through a maintenance box to the west, then we storm the place. Over."

"What about Davidson? Over." Hyena replied. "He'll go back to the Jeep and guard it. Over."

Okay, I'll have to stop it here. I gotta go out and get some food, so I'll continue it some other time. Tell me what you think.

[dsm]

Good story, but if there's something I'd like to "post hell" about the story it's that dreaded name Flynn Taggert. The Doomguy's name is NOT Flynn Taggart and forget about those Doom novels, they are not an acceptable representation of the Doom universe in any way, especially not with that name.
I just lost most of my interest in this story just because I got pissed over you using that name.

For your own safety, I'd advise that you never, EVER use the name Flynn Taggert, because the only thing that would serve is to annoy the crap out of the rest of us. Make up a new name or try to work around it in such a way that you don't have to mention the doomguy's name - that's what the rest of us do.

Anyway, the gayass name aside, you have written this story well and it does show some promise, but I'd still like to see some continuations of the other story before I will be able to judge if we have a new talent here (so far you've got my attention in the positive direction).

[Asephilocity]

dsm said:

The Doomguy's name is NOT Flynn Taggart and forget about those Doom novels

I haven't read the Doom novels. I just think it's dumb to say his parents named him Doomguy. What do you want me to call him, if you people are so upset about that one little detail you're willing to send a perfectly good story to post hell?

[dsm]

Asephilocity said:

I haven't read the Doom novels. I just think it's dumb to say his parents named him Doomguy. What do you want me to call him, if you people are so upset about that one little detail you're willing to send a perfectly good story to post hell?

Nobody said anything about SENDING this thing to post hell, I merely said that I would send that name to Hell if I could, not the story - that means that I just want you change that name. Jeez, why do people always think that just because there's something I hate in a story (in this case it's only one minor thing) I'm going to send it to Hell? Dammit, some people are also stupid enough to believe that I will send their threads to Hell if they make a post in that thread which disagrees with my views - BULLSHIT.

Like I said above, make up a name on your own, look for names lists on the internet and pick names from those.

I usually go by the first person view and just call him "I", "me", "myself" etc. For when absolutely necessary to refer to him in the third person, I made up the brilliant idea of giving him a "number identity", so that he's soldier "TX056" (got the idea from the Quake 2 backstory where Bitterman is referred to as "soldier 3515" or something) - much better than coming up with a name that someone's bound to be unhappy with and a Squillion times better than using the dirt cheap (and extremely unpopular) solution of calling him Flynn Taggart.

Now lemmme repeat one more time: I ... do ... NOT ... want ... to send ... this ... thread ... to ... post hell ... just ... because ... of ... a ... gayass name.

[Job]

Yes. When writing about the Doomguy, refer to him with pronouns..."he" and such variants usually work fine. It works fine for me. Besides, it adds a twist on the perspective that seems personal, yet distant. Bah. I'm babbling.

[DOOM Anomaly]

Vulg@r said:

Yes. When writing about the Doomguy, refer to him with pronouns..."he" and such variants usually work fine. It works fine for me. Besides, it adds a twist on the perspective that seems personal, yet distant. Bah. I'm babbling.

Indeed, but some point in time you have to annonuce the dude's name.

[dsm]

DOOM Anomaly said:

Indeed, but some point in time you have to annonuce the dude's name.

It's not necessary, but it is of course a plus if you come up with a decent name that you announce at some point.

[Naked Snake]

In most of my stories, the character has no name.

[Russell_P]

BigBadGangsta said:

In most of my stories, the character has no name.

what? You mean he's Clint Eastwood? :)

[DOOM Anomaly]

Russell_P said:

what? You mean he's Clint Eastwood? :)

Whooo! Go Squinty eyes! :D