Edgiest Video Game Protagonists

[TheMagicMushroomMan]

"Edgiest Video Game Protagonists: A Discussion about Profanity, Teenagers, and the Darkness Within my Soul"

 

What's up motherfuckers! Assholes! I got a question for you runts, listen up! This is a dark fuckin' place. Real dark. So fuckin' dark Shadow the fuckin' bitch-ass Hedgehog would dare not enter. You gotta be a tough motherfucker to survive here! This is the place where we discuss edgy protagonists.

 

Who do you think are the most cringeworthy try hard protagonists in video game history? You know, the ones you'll never measure up to? The ones you look up to for their ability to say FUCK a lot. Or maybe the one's who are so mallgoth that they'll put a curse on your (worthless) soul. Or maybe the ones like that aforementioned Twilight-watching Shadow, who are too scared to say FUCK because their fans can't handle that kind of shit like I can.

 

Cast your votes in the comment section below, you accursed dickheads! I'm goin' with my main motherfucker Mickey Rourke from the acclaimed Rogue Warrior. With lines like "ugh, fuckfuck, fuck, Jesus, damn shitfuck fuck fuck asshole prick fucker fuck", you know this dude has seen some shit! Or what about when he says, right before stabbing you, "suck my balls my hairy big balls wrap 'em around your throat I'm gonna shove 'em up your ass". Anybody? No?

 

  

 

[hybridial]

 

I mean, does the thread even need to continue? 

[snapshot]

not a protag but lol "omgg hez so cul and edgi"

 

 

^{(i unironically like this song tho)}

Edited August 1, 2021 by sluggard

[The BMFG]

i mean not important/ the protagonist is an obvious answer here but

  every edgy 14 yo you could ever think of probably likes this dude and thinks hes so cool deep and dark evil and badass

[omx32x]

every protagonis during the 2000s even digimon started to become edge around that time

[Artman2004]

Mitchell Shepard from the infamous Hunt Down The Freeman

 

[Worriedidiot]

I'm not sure if this counts

 

[Biz!]

You can't go on with this without mentioning Duke Nukem, or Caleb from Blood.

[Silhouette 03]

BJ from Wolfenstein: The New order. His inner monologue sounds like it was written by the edgiest group of 14 year old's on the planet. I'm directly quoting from the fandom page: https://wolfenstein.fandom.com/wiki/William_J._Blazkowicz/Quotes

"Death at the gates again. Howling my name. Can't greet you today. I have a war to win"

 

Steel. Stone. Concrete for miles. I wonder if there's anything in this world worth saving. Desolation. Tyranny. Enemy of endless might. I wonder if I have any friends left standing. It comes down to it, I'll fight alone. But I'll promise you this: friends, if this is where they're keeping you. I will find you, and set you free."

 

And my personal favourite :And they grieve their dead. Such raw sorrow. Can't partake. Mine would flood oceans. It would drown me. If I let it out."

 

@TheMagicMushroomMan, My personal favourite rogue warrior quote would have to be: "it's a goatfuck, admiral". Whoever wrote Mickey Rourkes Lines is a poet.

Edited August 2, 2021 by Silent Wolf

[Hawk of The Crystals]

1 minute ago, Redoom said:

or Caleb from Blood.

Oh yeah! Caleb is part of the "Edgy Internet Warrior" starter pack. Just look at an edge chart!

[Vaeros]

Doom Slaya

[Teo Slayer]

What? No, I'm outta here

[BaileyTW]

I think Not Important from hatred takes this one. Like sure Caleb from Blood is literally a murderous (former)cultist but I think he's having too much fun and is a rather cheery person. Not only is Not Important not having fun, he's having so little fun it rubs off.

[roadworx]

yeah honestly i don't think very many things can top not important

[TheMagicMushroomMan]

55 minutes ago, Silent Wolf said:

 

@TheMagicMushroomMan, My personal favourite rogue warrior quote would have to be: "it's a goatfuck, admiral". Whoever wrote Mickey Rourkes Lines is a poet.

Completely agree about Wolfenstein, I hate the new games in terms of writing and gameplay.

 

My favorite Rogue Warrior quote is the credits song where we get to hear Mickey rap about his badass accomplishments.

 

 

"Goddamn, cock breath commie motherfuckers
You fucking asshole
You fucking pig farmers
Drop dead motherfucker
You fucking amateurs

I own your fucking souls
Fucking commie bitch
Yeah, some capitalism for you, pussy

Time to move
I got bad guys to send
to Commie Heaven"

[Sena]

Someone that nobody ever talks about (perhaps with good reason) is Luis from GTA: The Ballad of Gay Tony. For a game series where you exclusively play as gangsters who solve all their problems by killing people, he really stands out as a completely uncharismatic asshole who's just a complete dick to everyone for no reason, his most notable feature is that he repeatedly threatens and verbally abuses his suicidal and depressed boss. Someone like Postal Dude might be an edgy misanthrope who kills everyone because he hates them, but at least I like him because he says funny stuff, Luis has no redeeming qualities at all.

[Zulk RS]

Yeah Not Important from Hatred takes the cake on the try-hard edgelord protags. Pardon my own edgy humor but Not Important is like the wet dream of every wannabe school-shooter who fantasizes about being this "Dark" and "Brooding" and "Misunderstood Outcast" but in reality will shit themselves if someone glares at them.

 

Shadow the Edgehog would be a close second though. Caleb seems to just be maniacal and more lax. Doom Slayer himself doesn't seem edgy though his backstory does get dangerously close. Postal Dude in Postal 1 is less try-hard and more genuinely unnerving. Him in Postal 2 is pretty fun though and he doesn't seem to fit the try-hard edgelord.

 

Honorable mention to the Narrator from Darkest Dungeon. He isn't the protagonist and I don't think he's edgy or try-hard. It's just that I've been watching a lot of DD let's plays recently and you can only hear "Success so clearly in view, or is it merely a trick of the light?" so many times until it stops being atmospheric and starts sounding goofy.

[Stupid Bunny]

Yeah I wouldn't vote for Caleb either.  I mean he's been dead for 70 years and finds his girlfriend eviscerated by a gargoyle and he still finds lots of opportunities to joke and quote Evil Dead films.  Plus the "try-hard" qualifier doesn't really apply either because Caleb actually is a badass.

[TheMagicMushroomMan]

I don't think Caleb is edgy, or Duke Nukem. Duke is an ass for sure, but he's more of a machismo stereotype than anything else.

 

Not Important's placement in Postal Redux kind of leads me to believe the character was also purposely developed as a stereotype, although Hatred sucks so much it's hard to tell what the developer originally intended.

[wallabra]

On 8/1/2021 at 2:21 PM, hybridial said:

 

 

Yay, thinly-veiled anti-nuclear propaganda!

 

Nah, I'm not being entirely serious.
That game does look mindless in a fun way!

Edited August 3, 2021 by Gustavo6046

[Skullhacker]

Caleb from Blood is super edgy, and I love the heck out of him. Everyone does! You can't even deny it.

[Stupid Bunny]

Yeah, I guess it's just like...Caleb is "weird war vet who's got crazy stories and a fucked up sense of humor" edgy and Shadow the (H)edgehog is "My dad doesn't get me and everybody is a poser" edgy.

 

And yeah, Hatredguy is just every angry 15-year-old's manifesto that they're going to be really ashamed of in 10 years

[D4NUK1]

Just for not repeat someone's aswers.
 

 

[Dark Pulse]

The fact nobody's mentioned Squall from FF8 kind of boggles my mind.

 

To be fair, it's slightly undeserved.

[HLRaven]

My vote has to be on John from Postal 2: Eternal Damnation

The way he talks, the way he looks it all screams edginess

[lazygecko]

If edginess is specifically defined as "designed to appear cool and provocative to 12-14 year old boys", then I guess my vote goes to Shadow the Hedgehog. Not just the protagonist but the game as a whole. Never played the game but I did watch someone stream it a few months ago and I was not prepared for adorably edgy moments like having a guy with a growly death metal voice telling Shadow to "avoid the particle cannon or it will do gruesome things to your flesh".

[roadworx]

oh, i forgot that this game exists

the protagonist of this is up there as well

[out_of_service]

10 hours ago, The BMFG said:

i mean not important/ the protagonist is an obvious answer here but

  every edgy 14 yo you could ever think of probably likes this dude and thinks hes so cool deep and dark evil and badass

I remember Shadow the Hedgehog. Like a pizza cutter. All edge and no point.

[Jello]

I might have to refine the main character of the game I'm working on. Sharps McFineedge doesn't really seem like it'll cut it. I'm sure I can hone in on something better.

[INfront95]

I would say Kain from "Legacy of Kain" series. But i think its more "damned vampire noble CLASS" than "Edge"