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How do I make it through school.

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So i'm in my last year of middle school and it's terrible, I have to deal with these certain 4 kids pushing my limits, today I had my 5th anxiety attack in school and I left school early, because this girl kept calling me racist cause of a joke I made while I was angry ( I don't think when i'm angry ) , keep in mind they're black and i'm white, which makes it easy for people to believe that comment due to a heavy amount of racist people being white, I have problems with anxiety and i've been letting people get away with this for 9 years, what should I do, as i've reached my limit?

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Without knowing precise specifics about your situation it is hard to give similar specific advice so this idea may be a bit wide of the mark.

 

First, these 4 kids pushing your limits. If all they are doing is saying stuff, stop reacting. They are only looking to get a rise out of you and it sounds like you are giving it to them. The more you react, the more you get. Such bullies are sad pathetic little trolls. Don't feed them.

 

And finally just ask someone in authority for help. Talk to some of the people at the school office, maybe after school when most of the kids are gone if you are feeling embarrassed, and say you need help. They may be able to refer you to a counsellor or some other help for you, someone who you can have some one on one time with who can listen to what you are going through and try to help. People on this forum will have the best of intentions, but they probably won't be able to give you exactly what you need which is a sympathetic ear from someone trained and experienced with helping kids in difficult situations.

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Easy, stop making topical jokes whether you're angry or not. It gives people less ammunition to work with in terms of 'harassing' you. And like murdoch said, ask a teacher for advice or help, it'll probably work.

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If your school has a psychologist available, go there, tell them about your situation... See if you can find a solution that works for you... If anxiety in general is a problem both in school and throughout the rest of the day, also go seek help, because chances are it won't go away if you apply "sheer force of will"... You have something cooking, and you need to get it looked into ASAP, because the longer you wait, the harder the problem will be to deal with...

 

As for these 4 kids... I don't know if they're the kinds of assholes you make them out to be, I don't know if what you said was or wasn't racist, so I'm not going to comment on that when I've got only your version of the story...

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Regarding the anxiety, I would say try to find some sort of creative outlet. If you have a lot of pent up anxiety, that needs to be released in some way or another. From what you say, it seems that your anxiety may be getting released in outbursts of anger. It obviously isn't helpful for you to get angry and then do/say stuff you regret later. Do something creative that you enjoy, and try to expend the tension that way. Draw, write, paint, whatever. It doesn't even need to be something you share with others, so long as it helps you calm down more.

 

Alternately, your outlet could be something less creative and more physical---running, walking, hiking, etc. The point is to burn away some of that tension caused by the anxiety.

Edited by Caffeine Freak

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10 minutes ago, Nine Inch Heels said:

You have something cooking, and you need to get it looked into ASAP, because the longer you wait, the harder the problem will be to deal with...

 

Precisely. Everyone has a breaking point and they have a nasty habit of taking you by surprise if you don't actively try to head it off when the warning signs start.

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Easy, don't worry about them. Everybody calls everything racist nowadays, trust me I know. I had to deal with idiots in school like you are dealing with. Learn to be independent too, as the teachers nowadays sometimes are just as bad as the students.

In middle school I had a knife pulled on me and the teachers did NOTHING. the security cameras were off,  and I never got that teacher escort the next day.

So stand up, be strong, come up with a witty comeback if they say something to you. And most importantly, don't let it get to you, assholes like this feed off of your misery, so don't feed it to them. 

 

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You should ignore them and just laugh at them when they try to attack you. They won’t expect you to laugh and not take them seriously. They only want a bad reaction out of you so don’t give it to them. Don’t make anymore jokes with people you are not friends with, especially any that could be taken the wrong way. This is your last year of middle school and then you’ve got 4 years to go in high school before you can live out the remainder of your life away from it all. Trust me, it’s worth the wait. 

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14 minutes ago, Yandere_Doomer said:

come up with a witty comeback if they say something to you.

 

 

That sounds like a bad idea. Unfortunately race is a big confounding factor here, as much as we prefer it wasn't. You really should just ignore these people and avoid giving them the means to screw you over, because it sounds like they are on the attack and they would not hesitate to weaponize something you say by accident. You said you don't think when you're angry, so watch out for that.

Edited by RDETalus

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Don't react to the agressions, but obviously don't stay there and do nothing, try to talk with someone about your situation and see if it can be solved as quickly as possible. In the worst scenarios try to defend yourself. If possible, also try to avoid any contact with them.

 

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1 hour ago, Redoom said:

I have problems with anxiety and i've been letting people get away with this for 9 years, what should I do, as i've reached my limit?

Do you have any friends you can talk to you? What about your parents?

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18 minutes ago, Yandere_Doomer said:

come up with a witty comeback

 

People suffering from anxiety tend not to be good at witty comebacks and even then, it's still giving them something. It's still showing they are getting a rise out of you. The correct reaction is quite literally nothing. Not a word, not a physical movement, nothing.

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i remember going to middle school a long time ago in a bad neighborhood, i basically was the only white kid in my class. I felt like I didn't fit in or that I was unwelcomed because of the Race issues, In my experience i had similar instances where things i said got taken out of context and weaponized against me. Murdoch is correct in you telling a authority figure within the school, Because when i was getting attacked on a regular basis, that teacher i talked to helped me out. As for your anxiety attacks, you may want to seek Professional help to deal with those, Your not admitting your weak or inferior if you speak about your issues, It just proves that your strong enough to understand you have a issue and want to fix it, As they say: "The first step in solving a problem is admitting you have one".

 

As much as we all would like to stomp out racism, it seems to still be a issue even in modern times and probably will be for the future.

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The main thing to remember is that these assholes you are dealing with won't matter one bit in five years or less. They will be gone. Poof, willed out of existence. You need to be able to accept that you don't mean anything to these people, and that therefore they shouldn't mean anything to you. Everything in school is transient. They are going to move on with their lives regardless of you, and you should do the same thing. Do it sooner rather than later.

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I'd definitely reiterate Nine Inch Heels' advice and ask you see a school counselor or psychologist and do it sooner rather than later. I don't know and frankly don't want to know the nature of the comment you made to cause people to bully you but I guess just refrain from doing it again and do your best to ignore people trying to get a rise out of you. If you said the comment to, or about, those people bullying you, though, maybe attempt apology- that can go a long way.
Given you've said you're in middle school, literally everyone has begun puberty at this point and people are going to be more reactive, upset, and angry about EVERYTHING, including yourself. Take care of your mental health and set yourself up to take care of your anxiety into the future. There are no prizes for attempting to push through it untreated. And remember, this is quite literally a fleeting phase of your life.
 

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I'm going to parrot the same advice of "Try to talk to someone." I will also say that people are different and can be different kinds of assholes. Sometimes ignoring your bullies work, sometimes it doesn't. Every person ticks differently so I can't really give you advice here. But yeah try to talk to someone, a professional if you can, a close friend or family member if you can't. Talking to someone about things that are bothering you tend to help.

 

As for the girl that keeps calling you racist... that's really annoying and stressful. Sorry that happened to you.

 

Again every human and every situation is different so what worked the best for me may not work the best for you. For me, one thing that hasn't failed me yet is being polite. I don't mean you have to make friends with people who bully you and people you dislike I mean that being calm about responses and focusing on cutting interactions with these people short when they approach. Also just because you're polite doesn't mean you have to be a pushover. Still say "No" when they tell you do something or take something from you that you don't want. I think people start to feel guilty and awkward bullying someone who is always cordial with everyone and peer pressure themselves into leaving you alone. Again, maybe I just got lucky. Every person and every situation is different. Just because being nice and polite to everyone worked for me, I don't know if it'll work for you but hey, that's an advice I can give.

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1 hour ago, Murdoch said:

 

People suffering from anxiety tend not to be good at witty comebacks and even then, it's still giving them something. It's still showing they are getting a rise out of you. The correct reaction is quite literally nothing. Not a word, not a physical movement, nothing.

Witty comebacks always worked for me. But I understand the anxiety part..just saying

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6 hours ago, Redoom said:

So i'm in my last year of middle school and it's terrible, I have to deal with these certain 4 kids pushing my limits, today I had my 5th anxiety attack in school and I left school early, because this girl kept calling me racist cause of a joke I made while I was angry ( I don't think when i'm angry ) , keep in mind they're black and i'm white, which makes it easy for people to believe that comment due to a heavy amount of racist people being white, I have problems with anxiety and i've been letting people get away with this for 9 years, what should I do, as i've reached my limit?

I suppose beating the shit out them is out of question due to no tolerance policy/your physical abilities?

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9 hours ago, MS-06FZ Zaku II Kai said:

I suppose beating the shit out them is out of question due to no tolerance policy/your physical abilities?

Somehow I think assaulting people doesn't solve a single problem, but it will land you in jail pretty often. Temporary solution with long term issues.

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15 hours ago, Murdoch said:

And finally just ask someone in authority for help. Talk to some of the people at the school office, maybe after school when most of the kids are gone if you are feeling embarrassed, and say you need help. They may be able to refer you to a counsellor or some other help for you, someone who you can have some one on one time with who can listen to what you are going through and try to help. People on this forum will have the best of intentions, but they probably won't be able to give you exactly what you need which is a sympathetic ear from someone trained and experienced with helping kids in difficult situations.

i suffered a lot of bullying when i was in school and let me tell you telling an authority never solves anything no matter who you tell

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12 minutes ago, omalefico32x said:

i suffered a lot of bullying when i was in school and let me tell you telling an authority never solves anything no matter who you tell

Can confirm that. I was a boxing sack at the end of elementary school and during the next three years (middle school) I suffered bullying a lot, almost every day I got hit on the arm, I talked with some people and they eventually hepled me to regulate my feelings (I was, and still am, quite sensitive), but they didn't help me to solve the main problem, which was the every-day agressions. Nowadays I avoid the people that caused me so much pain because of that. 

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2 minutes ago, Lol 6 said:

Can confirm that. I was a boxing sack at the end of elementary school and during the next three years I suffered bullying a lot, I talked with some people and they eventually hepled me to regulate my feelings (I was, and still am, quite sensitive), but they didn't help me to solve the main problem, which was the every-day agressions. Nowadays I avoid the people that caused me so much pain because of that. 

while that sucks it makes sense when you think about it

 

what can an authority do in a situation like this? tell their parents? oh yeah not only will they waste time on this that they probaly dont have but it will only make things worse

 

giving a suspension to them? not only do that waste even MORE of their time but it also causes a lot of problems with their parents since many people depend on their kids going to school every day and dont have the time to stay home to look after them

 

expulsion? no it almost never happens

 

transfer to another school? first you need to find a school that wants to accept him,second you need to fill a lot of paper work to do it, third you need to bot explain this to their parents and to goverment officials on why this is happening, fourth? cross your fingers that the parents arent going to send a lawsuit to you for messing with their kid and their schedule

 

the only thing they can realistically do is teach you to regulate your feelings with they are not trained to do and at least where i live psychologists is schools is a rare thing

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It feels good that a lot of ppl here already offered their time to help a fellow doomer.

 

My advice would be just ignore the ppl from your school that are causing you this much stress. They're simply not worth your time or concern. I had problems like that as well back in the day. I would attend my classes, do the exams and barely talk to anyone. Do the same process like a robot for a few years, but man, was it worth it. Not to have to look at their faces anymore is so satisfying.

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2 hours ago, omalefico32x said:

i suffered a lot of bullying when i was in school and let me tell you telling an authority never solves anything no matter who you tell

 

I meant it more as a means of getting access to some kind of emotional support. Might help, might not. But it beats doing nothing and waiting till you snap. I do agree that often times schools fall well short of the mark resolving bullying issues and it's not good enough. 

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Just now, Murdoch said:

 

I meant it more as a means of getting access to some kind of emotional support. Might help, might not. But it beats doing nothing and waiting till you snap. I do agree that often times schools fall well short of the mark resolving bullying issues and it's not good enough. 

looking back i see that my response was a bit anatgonist towards your post i apologize its just that even after years i still get angry thinking about it especially because thats something i heard many times growing up only thing that really worked for me was chaging schools and getting into a lot of pointless fights over minor stuff

 

what you said is great advice overall but i just wanted to say that it is unlikely to result into any meaningful change of the situation

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1 hour ago, omalefico32x said:

looking back i see that my response was a bit anatgonist towards your post i apologize

 

No need to apologise, I do not interpret it that way. Your essential point is correct. Schools should be in a position where they are better able to provide support not just victims of bullying, but the bullies themselves. I believe we are all fundamentally responsible for our own choices, even as children, but with many bullies you often dealing with someone who is going through pain themselves for whatever reason and a child will naturally struggle with that more than an adult. It does not excuse the behaviour, but it at least makes it understandable. Emotional support for them too would have a better chance of defusing the situation as hard punishment will only increase the size of the chip on their shoulder.

 

But some child bullies are also just fuckwits, just as some adults are. Entitled brats raised by entitled parents too stupid and lacking in self-awareness to realise what they are turning their kids into.

 

I too was a victim of bullying especially in primary/elementary school. The only fights I ever got into as a kid were protecting either myself or others from bullying. I did have an edge in that I was reasonably physically imposing, even back then, so the bullies rarely attacked me themselves bar one kid who was bigger even than me. As I got older I realised the value of not really giving them anything to work with as far as a reaction went, but in some cases gave it back in return which with the benefit of further age induced wisdom I do not consider a necessarily ideal response.

 

Sorry you went through what you did. No kid should have to deal with that kind of crap, and then to feel that the world doesn't care really is not good enough. It's the catalyst for deeper and wider problems, and not enough is done about it. 

 

Edited by Murdoch

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I had a problem with some bullies back in my school days. Or rather one plus all his friends tagging along to watch.Granted this was damn near 20 years ago, but hey-ho. It seems schools are still useless in varying degrees today. In my case I tried several times to get the school to sort things out. So after plenty of attempts I snapped one day, broke his nose, smashed his head into a wall and left him with a massive black eye and got to watch him run off crying his eyes out. He came back the next day and got another beating. The teachers ended up telling him he had it coming when we got hauled before them, mainly because they knew I'd already begged them to help.

 

Now I'm not saying you should go straight to violence, as satisfying as payback is, but it's just an example. Everyone else above has given sound advice I happily concur with. Don't give them anything to work with. If they're looking to get a rise out of you just ignore them. Be the gray man. At the end of the day you'll leave school and these morons behind. There's one guy from my school days used to laugh a lot at other peoples expense. Now he cleans shop windows in a dump of a town for a living and looks miserable as anything. Now being a bus driver myself isn't exactly a glamorous job itself  but I like to think I'm doing a lot better for myself than I thought I would be.

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Had some trouble in school too. Immediately tell your parents and seek your school psychologist. Believe me, first hand experience showed me how helpful it was.

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Just ignore it mate, I know that’s  easy to say looking in but really do try. It’s a shame that it usually takes till early adulthood for you to stop caring so much what others think and say but once it does you wonder why you stressed over so much at school. Childhood goes so fast try best to enjoy it and not get too worked up over things. Sorry you going through this hope you reach a solution soon

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These issues with bullying would be solved by Mad Max styled Thunderdomes, two enter but only one leaves.

I am 1000% serious.

 

Or we can do the true secret good ending and abolish schools for good, since the only thing they brought us was grief and another type of event that we doom fans have been blamed for a loooong time.

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