MRB_Doom Posted January 25, 2003 This story is pretty up to date, so please be gentle with your critisism. Thanks. Military complex, Phobos. 4 days after the invasion of the base. ____________________________ ``Man, I'd never thought that this trip would be such a pain in the ass.´´ ``Quiet down, private.´´ ``Sir, yes sir.´´ ``What are our orders, sir?´´ ``To search for military personnel and bring them back to Earth, asap. Terminate any hostile forces. That's about it.´´ ``Roger that, sir.´´ - The Pentagon, Washington, U.S. "General Roberts could only have a brief moment with the press today, as many wonder what's been happening on the military base at Phobos. ``We have not recieved any military intelligence from the base on Phobos yet, but we hope to hear from them very soon. A couple of days ago, we sent two companies of troops in two Earth vessels in order to land on Phobos. They should be landing in a couple of hours. Yes, Dianna, go ahead.´´ ``Can you give any comment on what the purpose of those bases at Phobos and Deimos are?´´ ``I'm sorry, but that's classified.´´ - Military base, Phobos. 30 minutes later. _________________ ``I think we can indicate that there are no survivors, atleast not in here, sir.´´ ``Private, go and check the personnel quarters and see if you can find any recorded intel from one of the scientists logs. ´´ ``Yes, sir.´´ - ``Sir, I found nothing in the quarters, but I'm in Dr.Daniels office now, and I've found a tape. I'll be in your position with it in a few moments, sir.´´ ``Copy that.´´ - ``This sounds pretty damn disturbing to me. We must search the whole base for survivors until we evacute. We have seen how big a few of those things were, and we must always be prepared for the worst. I want Williams and Stevenson to guard the front doors, and Benson can go with Adams do secure the computer room. Now move it, soldiers.´´ ``Sir, yes sir.´´ - Atlanta, CNN Center, U.S. (meanwhile) ____________________ ``Military sources has confirmed the landing of the two Earth vessels on Phobos, and has successfully entered the facility without any problems. Now it's up to them to investigate the situation in the complex, to get vital updates about the personnel and other matters. - Military base, Phobos. 1 hour later. ______________________ ``Alright men, let's search for military personnel asap. Move!´´ ``Sir, the room to the interdimensional gateway should be right infront of us.´´ ``Well, open it damn it.´´ ``Shit! Private, get all other men in here, we have a serious situation on our hands.´´ ``Dear........yes, sir.´´ - ``Now listen up soldiers, we can conclude that there are no survivors in this base, and that brings us to our other order, to terminate any hostile forces. The first place we're going to search through is Deimos. The quickest way to get there is by through this gateway, it should only take a few seconds. Let's move out.´´ - Research complex, Deimos. ____________________________ ``Sir, I'm picking up some really weird changes due to the gravity here on Deimos. Should I investigate?´´ ``No private, we'll stick to our orders first.´´ ``Yes, sir.´´ ``Private, give me a frequenzy to Williams radio.´´ ``Sir...............shit, the lights went out.´´ ``Ok men, turn your nightvision goggles on.´´ ``SHIT! Did someone else here that roar?´´ ``Ok men, let's fall back to the front doors. Williams and Stevenson better be there, or I'm going beserk, without any injection.´´ Something or someone has turned down the main generator for the base, and roars has been detected by our fellow soldiers. The troops quickly rush back to the front doors, only to witness the horrible sight infront of them. Trough the windows they could spot a red sky, with great mountains and a disgusting smell. As one private took his eyes from the outside view, he turned to his left and saw the remains of Williams and Stevenson. They had been slain by something rather powerful and strong. Their command had given them direct orders, that they would terminate any hostile forces. That was their top priority now, it was their duty. The troops now understood one thing and that was it couldn't get any worse, because they were now in hell. 0 Share this post Link to post
dsm Posted January 26, 2003 Nice. I like how you added that "narrator text" to it - seems quite original because I haven't seen it before. Also the story itself is interesting, but I do find it weird that the news broadcast says that there's a vessel that landed on Deimos. If Deimos is in Hell, how could they land on it with a spacecraft? According to the Doom backstory, Deimos vanished from Martian orbit shortly after shit came out of the gateways. 0 Share this post Link to post
MRB_Doom Posted January 26, 2003 After a review of myself, I too thought of that part of the story, and couldn't find any resolution to that problem :( I dunno how I could repair the damage, but I think that when the demons had control over Phobos (atleast that was their idea before Doomguy start slaughtering them), they would also clear out Deimos and then at some point make Deimos vanish from Martian orbit(the Icon of Sin must be responsible for that one, don't you think?). The troops just made it to Deimos as it was teleported(??) to hell. This is just my suggestion for my own story heh. 0 Share this post Link to post
dsm Posted January 26, 2003 MRB_Doom said:After a review of myself, I too thought of that part of the story, and couldn't find any resolution to that problem :( I dunno how I could repair the damage, but I think that when the demons had control over Phobos (atleast that was their idea before Doomguy start slaughtering them), they would also clear out Deimos and then at some point make Deimos vanish from Martian orbit(the Icon of Sin must be responsible for that one, don't you think?). The troops just made it to Deimos as it was teleported(??) to hell. This is just my suggestion for my own story heh. Hmm, my suggestion for a way to keep it more true to Doom's backstory would be that you make it so that vessels land on Phobos - they investigate the base to find nothing but the still operational gateway. Knowing that there was a link from Phobos to Deimos but unaware of all the trouble with human volunteers that went through it, they enter it and arrive on Deimos (in Hell) which they investigate some more until it all goes to shit. The news broadcast could then be fixed, by simply having them saying that vessels have landed on Phobos (skip the mention of Deimos). 0 Share this post Link to post
