How do you deal with ghosting?

[MS-06FZ Zaku II Kai]

For those unaware ghosting refers to when a potential love interest stops answering/reacting to your calls messages.

 

I´m absolutely stumped as of late, for some time I´ve been trying to find some significant other and while I had some dates here and there none of them just clicked. But the biggest issue I faced as of late is when the person on the other side stops texting me all of a sudden.
So recently during my walk outs with my dogs I met a nice gal same age as me who was also walking her dog, we chat a while, asked each other where are we from and where we like to hang out and then exchanged our phone numbers. I said nice, would be great to hang out with someone new and were chating almost a whole week when to meet each other.

 

We were considering Satturday since the weather then would be ideal, however she said she would probably need some time to study for some exam. Fine I get that I know how college can be difficult, but then Satturday came by and since then I got nothing, no text messages, no calls just silence. I tried to contact her at least twice, but I got nowhere.

 

Maybe I´m jumping to conclusions since it´s been just three days, but lately this has been happening to me so often that it just leaves me hearthbroken and empty/drained.

I´m not looking for pity, I just need some advice on how to deal with this, so I can move on and get better at comunicating with others in the future.

[Doominator2]

Give it a bit more time or just move on. If its been 3 days it may be just like you said and she's busy, I've sometimes waited a week before I've gotten a girl to reply. But don't make the same mistake I've done before and get hooked up on the same girl and pass up other opportunities because you think she'll eventually reply.

 

I spent almost a year getting ghosted by a girl one of my buddies was trying to set me up with, texting her once a month after meeting up a few times, figuring she needed some time to her self, getting adjusted to her new life (She had just recently moved out of her parent's house and was living on her own for the first time). She'd occasionally tell my friend that she'd regret ghosting me and really felt bad about it, which just gave me more hope that if I gave her enough time, she'd be in a better place to want to continue chatting. Well I only may have gotten a reply once or twice during that time which never went anywhere and I ended up wasting a lot of time and ignoring other girls who were possibly interested in me just because I was so hopeful that something would happen between us. 

 

Overall, give it a bit of time people can be busy/stressed with other things in their life and talking with someone they don't know well can add to the stress in their life, which can result in ghosting. But if you go a month without hearing anything, move on and try not to pass any other opportunities. 

 

 

[dasho]

21 minutes ago, MS-06FZ Zaku II Kai said:

We were considering Satturday since the weather then would be ideal, however she said she would probably need some time to study for some exam. Fine I get that I know how college can be difficult, but then Satturday came by and since then I got nothing, no text messages, no calls just silence. I tried to contact her at least twice, but I got nowhere.

 

It's already over, boss. She either wasn't really interested, has someone else lined up already, or both. The best advice is to never attempt to contact her again and learn to lower your tolerance for fickle behavior from a potential love interest. 

[7Mahonin]

Move on, better things will come. Don't dwell on her because she is not worth anymore of your time.

[Caffeine Freak]

Ghosting is unfortunately very common in online dating. I know it sucks to feel like you've invested time and energy into something, only to be let down. But like all forms of rejection, you have to sort of get to a point where it just rolls off your shoulders. If it sounds like I'm being callous here, know that I've been in your exact situation countless times. 

 

Also, word of advice: try not to feel *too* invested in someone before actually meeting them. Until you meet them, you don't know if things can actually work or not. Try to be casual in your attitude towards it without being uncaring. And if they ghost you, cut your losses and move on. Better things await.

[RDETalus]

8 hours ago, MS-06FZ Zaku II Kai said:

I tried to contact her at least twice, but I got nowhere. [...] Maybe I´m jumping to conclusions since it´s been just three days

Yeah, it's probably over. She's already made her decision. My suggestion is stop trying to contact her. If she changes her mind (it can happen), she has your contact information.

 

8 hours ago, MS-06FZ Zaku II Kai said:

I just need some advice on how to deal with this

You shouldn't think too far ahead or get too attached until the 2nd date. You got her number and started setting up a 1st date, but that doesn't mean anything because some women are so scared of eliciting violent reactions from men that they would rather give out their number and play along for a while until they've gotten away from you, instead of just standing their ground and saying "I don't want to give you my number" from the start.

[Dusty_Rhodes]

Intentional ghosting is awful; wouldn't wish it on anyone. That said, I'll throw out my two cents out on the idea of online communication. The idea that everyone should be available at all times to interact with you is very common and easy to fall into (yours truly is certainly guilty). But, it's a pretty selfish concept, so I think it's important to give people a lot of leeway. Maybe due to finals her notifications are muted? I try to assume the best in people (bright side and all that crap), so I'd give a very final message. Something essentially saying, "I'm interested, tell me what you think. If not, I'm moving on." If you get no response, cut your losses. It kinda sounds like I'm contradicting myself, by that's not my intention. I guess to sum it up:

 

Try to give the benefit of the doubt but know when to draw the line and not be a doormat.

 

[Nevander]

8 hours ago, Doominator2 said:

Give it a bit more time or just move on. If its been 3 days it may be just like you said and she's busy

Speaking from experience, nobody is ever too busy to send a single text to someone they are really interested in. Being busy happens. But not for 3 days. It takes less than a minute to just send a text letting the person know. If that isn't happening, unfortunately they are not really interested. Tough pill to swallow but there it is. My advice is attempt to keep communication going at least once, don't nag the person. If you get crickets, cut losses and move on.

 

Another thing to be wary of is what I call small talk hell. It's not ghosting but it may as well be. It can be defined by an obvious lack of reciprocated interest or questions, short responses and only the general greetings. This is someone who can't ghost people but is not interested in you either. Try to keep elevating the discussion and see if you're continuously met with the same responses and no questions asked back. Also, cut losses and move on. Maybe ask them what's up if you're feeling bold.

 

Real interest can't be mistaken and you'll be blown away when it comes. Just don't get too excited and move too fast and blow it like I have before. Rookie mistake. Act interested, ask good questions, but don't act like your life depends on talking to them. Don't instantly text back when you first meet. I'm not a fan of games but most people will agree instant replies at the beginning looks needy.

 

Hope this helps.

[Caffeine Freak]

16 minutes ago, Nevander said:

Another thing to be wary of is what I call small talk hell. It's not ghosting but it may as well be. It can be defined by an obvious lack of reciprocated interest or questions, short responses and only the general greetings. This is someone who can't ghost people but is not interested in you either. Try to keep elevating the discussion and see if you're continuously met with the same responses and no questions asked back.

 

Oh, GOD YES. I've tortured myself this way before, when I was younger and less socially experienced. There's nothing worse than trying to keep a conversation alive with someone who can never be arsed enough to ask any questions back, and consistently answers with short, clipped sentences. I'll never waste my time doing that again.

 

If you're becoming a conversational defibrillator, pull the damn plug and end the suffering.   

[Snaxalotl]

People usually ghost because its easier than telling someone that they aren't interested anymore, there really isn't any way to get around it. Best advice I can give is to temper your expectations with new people and not get emotionally invested quickly. 

Whenever I hook up with someone I don't expect it to go anywhere, but if it does then that's great. Don't be emotionally distant, just enjoy the moment and not worry about how things might turn out (unless you get red flags). Most relationships don't go anywhere so its not worth getting hurt every time someone doesn't bother to say goodbye.

Also people will ghost for any reason, so don't take it personally. You can do everything right and it will still happen.

[Chezza]

I think everyone above me already said it. Cut your loses, don't get overly excited / hopeful by someone responding to your interest initially - sometimes they're curious or sometimes too nice to say no. Irony is that ignoring someone is rather rude, but I understand why they do it. Easy, less painful way out.

 

In reality, they would make time if they shared mutual interest or greater. In fact that person would likely proactively start a conversation with you / suggest meeting up.

 

I suggest taking the pride approach. You made an effort to be friends and closer, that person ought to return it in kind. If they ghost you or just poor communication, drop them without a care as they failed to give you the respect you deserve.

[ducon]

I use a port that does have the ghost monsters bug/feature.

[Captain red pants]

Ahh, circles of salt, some reading up on the history of the residence for any gruesome murders or disturbed burial sites, your bells, books and candles and anything else a good grimoire asks for. Wraiths usually just want to move on.

[Redneckerz]

We had a similar thread in february.

 

Either way got recently ghosted again snd this time i took the wheel and told her what she did was not okay.

 

An avalanche of excuses followed but she swore she didnt ghost me. She just had different priorities. So much for the excuse.

 

If i commit to you and i take the situation seriously, you better make me a priority.

[azerty]

Give it a bit more time. If she still doesn't answer well than that's kinda good in a way. It's better to find out now that she is a prick that ghosts people than to find out when you like her a lot. It would be way more heart breaking. Like snax said, It's easier to say nothing than to say your not interested. I really hope that she answers but if she doesn't well maybe that's a good thing. (This is my opinion anyway, I am not a love expert at all)

[vyruss]

Move on.  If this person isn't interested in even letting you know that something isn't going to work out or another involvement got in the way, they don't seem to value your time or even bothering to communicate key things then your time is better spent elsewhere.

[MS-06FZ Zaku II Kai]

Thank you all who have decided to comment so far :)

Nearly all of you have provided much needed advice as well as personal experiences.

Based on all of your advice, I decided to move on and keep trying my luck elsewhere and also learn to deal with potential future ghostings and rejections.

You've all been very helpfull and I thank you for that :D.

Best of luck to all of you as well, may you too find a big booby gf in the future!

[DuckReconMajor]

3 hours ago, MS-06FZ Zaku II Kai said:

Thank you all who have decided to comment so far :)

Nearly all of you have provided much needed advice as well as personal experiences.

Based on all of your advice, I decided to move on and keep trying my luck elsewhere and also learn to deal with potential future ghostings and rejections.

You've all been very helpfull and I thank you for that :D.

Best of luck to all of you as well, may you too find a big booby gf in the future!

 

This is a really mature response and I'm glad to hear it.

I'll give my usual advice to go out and enjoy nature and/or other people if you can.

Best of luck!