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Hellspawn

Fanfic: Hell is Other People (Who are Zombies)

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Hi, DooMers! I've been playing Doom for years now and I found this site recently. I was stoked when I saw there was a fanfics forum, so I thought I'd write one and post it! Let me know what you think!

HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE (WHO ARE ZOMBIES)
By Hellspawn

The grey metal door slid open sideways, and he stepped out. He was a UAC marine, you could tell just by looking at him. I looked at him.
"What are you looking at kid?" He said.
"Nothing sir," I replied, "its just I've never seen a marine before."
"Well rape me a fucking gay, why should I care?"
I blanched a bit at the harshness of his vulgarity.
"Sorry sir, if you would just like to come this way."
He grunted in what I guessed was agreement and I led him down the corridor down to the main command center.

Inside the command center Professor Herbitude was working on a computer machine, he looked up as we came in.
"Ah, so you've finally arrived eh," he said, he was addressing the marine. The marine stepped up to the balding prof.
"That’s right egghead, now you wanna tell me why I've had to fly halfway across the planet to this hidden research base. There are only 1000 UAC marines on mars and we don't have time to waste on pointless crapshit." If this was meant to intimidate the professor, it did not do so, he merely laughed.
"Oh I think this is definitely an important use of your time and I think you'll agree with me there very soon. Very soon indeed."
The marine slammed his fist into the professor's face. He grabbed the man by his lapels and put a knife to his throat.
"Don't play fucking coy with me you brainiac lump of toss, get to the shitting point before I introduce *you* to the point. Of this knife I'm holding right here!" The professor, laughed again, whilst clutching his bloody nose.
"Violence of course, aha, you marines are all the same. But I think you'll find there are more important targets for violence in this base. Much more important indeed." The marine gave an exasperated sigh and smashed the professor's balding head against the nearest computer several times.
"Either you give me a fucking straight answer, or I'm going to rape you up the anus with a mace until you die screaming, got it?" The professor laughed again, a little unsteadily.
"Well that sounds like it would sting a little, ahaha, but I think you should be more concerned about the Demons!"
"DEMONS!?" The marine spun the professor around and pinned him against the wall, knife to his throat, "WHAT ABOUT DEMONS!?"
"They've invaded the base; it seems there was some illegal teleportation research going on that we didn't know about. A group of Demons have gotten through the portal and are loose in the base!"
"YOU USELESS CUNTS, DON'T YOU EVER LEARN, HOW MANY TIMES DOES EARTH HAVE TO FUCKING GET DESTROYED BEFORE YOU STOP WANKING ABOUT WITH THOSE PORTALS!?" The marine was going dangerously red about this facial region.
"We're scientists! We're inqurious! One day we'll figure out how to use portals without endangering the entire human race, I just know we will."
"Well you won't be alive to see it!" The marine said and snapped the man's neck. He dropped the bloody body to the ground and turned around to me, he paused for a second, then turned back to the professor’s corpse and stamped on it several times, I heard bones snapping, then he turned back around. I gulped.
"Don't fucking gulp you underevolved fire retardant, or you'll end up like that slit prick shit. Now show me where these Demons are, so I can kick their puny hellish asses, NOW!"

I led the marine through the base to section C. This was where the illegal teleportation research had been going on. We had sealed it up after the demons had invaded.
"This is the area where the illegal teleportation research was being conducted" I said to the marine, "We managed to block it up after they came through the portals."
"So this is the place where you were conducting illegal teleportation experiments is it," said the Marine, "but you managed to shut it up after the hell spawn arrived."
"Yes."
"Well, lets get the fuck on in there and start mixing it up with those sons of bitchwhores!" He handed me a pistol. "You know how to fire one of those things kid?"
"Well I know how they work sir, but I've never fired one before," I said, gripping the large gun uncertainly.
"Well you're going to have to learn quickly then, aren't you sonny boy. Now lets get the fuck on in there and start mixing it up with those sons of bitchwhores!" With that he launched a mighty booted kick against the sealed door to section C. The door didn't move an inch, the marine collapsed to the floor.
"Uh, those doors are solid metal 6 inches thick sir, it might be easier to press the 'open' switch," I said as the marine struggled to his feet.
"You fucking nerdicle scientists with your fancy fucking tech, give me home cooked meals, a double barreled shotgun and doors you can kick open any day." I nodded and pressed the door open switch, which made the door swing open. The door swung open to reveal pitch blackness inside. The marine peered in.
"Let’s move!" He shouted and grabbing me by the arm he charged headlong into the darkness. SLAM! We ran straight into a wall. The corridor beyond the door turned in an L shape it seemed.
"Son of a fag, who put a fucking wall there." Said the marine pissed-off-edly. "And where the hell is the light switch?" I felt along the wall until I found the light switch and switched it, the lights came on like you would expect. We looked around, the place had been trashed pretty badly, and by pretty badly I mean pretty badly, not just a bit. There were broken chairs and potted planets everywhere, the floor didn't look like it had been hoovered for weeks.
"Guess demons are too big on cleaning up their mess," said the marine, "reminds me of my kid. Well a shotgun blast will soon teach them a lesson, it did for my son anyway." He laughed.
"I think the teleportation labs were over here," I said and led the marine down the corridor. Suddenly the wall next to us exploded outward and out came a giant pink demon.
"RIP AND TEAR!" Screamed the marine and he blasted away with his shotgun. The demon was soon reduced to a smoking pile of pink fleshy stuff, which the marine continued to blast away at with his gun. I grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him away from the demons corpse and down the corridor.

We arrived at the labs soon enough and went inside. Inside there was a group of imps playing cards, I grabbed my pistol and pointed it at them, but the marine grabbed my arm and said "Wait kid." He walked over to the imps,
"Do you mind if I join you?" He asked. The imps looked at him. The leader imp arched a nonexistent eyebrow and said,
"Sure human, pull up a chair." The marine pulled up a chair, pushing off the scientist corpse that currently occupied it.
"So what’s the game hellfiends? Poker? Baccarat? Two-Draw Fancy-boy's Gambit?"
"Top trumps," said the lead imp. We're using a Warhammer 40000 set I got for Christmas."
"TOP TRUMPS!? WHAT KIND OF SHITEATING BUBBLEFUCKERS ARE YOU?" The marine launched himself at the imp and bit his ear clean off.
"OW! You crazy UAC counterfag! It'll take me forever to grow a new fucking ear!" The imp said and he ripped one of the marines own ears off.
"OH NOW YOU'RE ASKING FOR IT HORNY BOY!" The marine screamed and he blasted the imp in his face with his shotgun. He turned to the other imps and blasted them one by one. When he was done, he turned to me and laughed.

I could tell you rest of it, how we fought our way through the rest of the labs, of the terrible trials, the bloody battles, the great friendship and (platonic) love that grew between me and the marine, but of those times only the strongest feelings and the memory of the rush of adrenaline remain. As it is with so many things, mere words cannot express the joy and sorrow we experienced in great quest into section C, but sufficed to say 10 minutes later we reached the central laboratory and activated the portal shutdown switch. It was over.

I never saw the marine again, he got shipped off to help crush a populist democratic uprising back on Earth and me, well, I had things to do as well. Some years later I heard he'd been killed, choking on a chicken bone in an inexpensive restaurant, it was how I'd always pictured him going out. You can't afford to eat well on a military salary.

THE END

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Damn, you got me there!

I thought you were trying to do a serious fan fic and then it all turns out to be a big joke huh? :-)

Meh, not my style but what the Hell.

Btw, read the Doom comic again have we?

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dsm said:

Damn, you got me there!

I thought you were trying to do a serious fan fic and then it all turns out to be a big joke huh? :-)

WTF? It was serious...

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Fredrik: Neither does anybody else. Our posts of praise are not sarcasm.

I like how it starts out somewhat normal, then the characters do something that is just too dramatic to be believable, then it calms down, then the characters just... heh.

Indication one:
"...just by looking at him. I looked at him.
That in itself was funny enough to make me chuckle. I chuckled.

From then on, it was little subtleties like that. OHMAN...

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Hellspawn said:

WTF? It was serious...

Not what I'd call serious.
Oh well, this fan fic was perhaps a little more serious than this or this.
:-)

So ok, compared to those, I could say that it was a 'serious' fan fic.

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Great stuff. :)

"Uh, those doors are solid metal 6 inches thick sir, it might be easier to press the 'open' switch," I said as the marine struggled to his feet.

Way to go, man... lol

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