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# The TRUTH about Santa Claus

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1. No known species of reindeer can fly. However, there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has ever seen.

2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. But, since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the Earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh, and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the Earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding, and etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second. A conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium- sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull ten times the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison, this is four times the weight of Queen Elizabeth (the ocean liner).

5. 353,430 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.6 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force. In conclusion, if Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

Uh...it ain't Christmas yet bucko.

that's great

Your parents don't love you, do they?

Hello, and welcome to 2 months ago.

Somebody doesn't believe in magic. More seriously, who cares?

AndrewB said:

Hello, and welcome to 2 months ago.

More like 5 years, at least.

Maybe if he got a bunch of swallows to drop those coconuts and help out...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! *sob*

Hey, I thought it was funny.

/cries uncontrollably

Coopersville said:

Okay, now that was something to laugh about. hahahhhahhahahaahahah

That's years old. My math teacher gave me a printout of that when I was in 11th grade, in 1998 (the subject of this thread, not that other thing).

Just for that, you get a lump of coal.

I AM A MORON I AM A MORON I AM A MORON I AM A MORON I AM A MORON I AM A MORON I AM A MORON I AM A MORON .JPG

S A N T A
(shuffle letters)
S A T A N

That's right kids. That jolly old elf is really the devil in disguise, come to corrupt the memory of Christ's birth into a materialistic commercial holiday.

Eerie, isn't it.

Ichor said:

Maybe if he got a bunch of swallows to drop those coconuts and help out...

Make sure they're African swallows, as they're bigger or stronger, can't remember exactly which (but non-migratory of course)

Dammit man, and all this time I thought the jolly old bastard was real.

damn, i never saw that before. that's pretty damn funny. you almost got me in trouble for laughing in class. not like i'm supposed to be reading these forums at school anyway...

you forgot to mention santa would've been tried and convicted of invading the privacy.

thank you for the rude replys, people, you gave the word post, a new meaning :|

Hil-arious.

OMG! You killed Santa Clause!! YOU BASTARDS!!

To my knowledge, the prototype of Santa Claus is actually St Nicholas of Myra, although, like it has been said, Christmas in America and Western Europe in the present times has little to do with Christianity.

Omg omg omg omg omg omg omg!!!!! ahhh r r r u saying santa isnt real?? YOU BASTARD!!!
thinks wait I found this out 10 years ago.

*ROTFLMAO @ Footman's, Draconio's and cooperville's posts*

WHAD YA MEAN SANTA AIN'T REAL? (just kidding)
.
/\
^.^
|___|

Methinks you're about 10, if not 16 years late though. Anyways AFAIK Santa claus is a commercial mascot for coca cola (it was because of coca cola that santa wears a red suit. Originally it was green).

*KAB-LAME!*

uhh... you can spell satan from santa...
oh and they are both red and like fireplaces
ah haha