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Asephilocity

New Fanfic

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The Fanfic "You Drove Me To It"(which is somewhere below) insprired me to make a fanfiction of a similar style. It starts off in a similar way, but don't let that fool you into thinking this is some ripoff of his story. It's not. Just read it through.

REVENGE
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I suppose you think I'm dead.

Well, I couldn't blame you. Anybody would figure the same thing after seeing me get my spleen ripped out. Trust me, you'll be a lot worse off than I am once I find you. You think that after you used your own team to destract those monsters and get away, that I'd just forgive you and everything would be all wonderful? That's not the way it works, asshole. Unfortunatly for you, I still had enough blood to get away from that shithole. Yes. I'm alive.

I'm still alive, despite my loss of several major organs. Now your probably thinking we're all back on Earth waiting for you in some alley. Well everyone else is dead. I checked. I'm the only one waiting for you. I'm back on Earth, and I will find you. Don't bother sending the police for me. They'll never find anything under the name 'Kyle C. Jameson'. I'm sure you figured that though, scince I always was the smarter one of the group. I have a new identity now. I hacked everything. The police records, the military's file on me, my bank account. Everything. I even cleaned out my apartment. So nobody knows. Just me and you. At least, as soon as you get this letter.

I know you moved after the war on Mars. You quit the army too, telling them you 'couldn't fight anymore with the memory of your lost comrades always in your mind'. I thought we were never supposed to lie to our superiors, 'comerade'. Once you've recieved this letter, it won't be too long before I take a little 'visit' to your house. For once in your life, don't run away from what's coming to you. If you do, I'll kill you even slower once I reach you again.

You lead us right into about twelve demons. Then shut the door. I remember it all so clearly. Then you must have tooken the power out, because the lights went off right before Todd's head landed in my lap. Then they got Zack, then Mike, and Greg right before me. I didn't see what happened to the others, because my vision was blurring around then. I passed out. For what felt like hours I was unconscious. When I woke up they were already gone. My leg hurt too much for me to stand, so I lied there for hours. Staring at them all. All of our friends who had served with us for years. Or at least, what was left of them. I probably snapped somewhere around then.

After I had gotten out of shock, my leg wasn't much of a problem. I used a piece of shrapnel and some gause from my medkit to make one of those little splints they teach you how to make in Boy Scouts. I grabbed Zack's plasma rifle, and went after you. Oh yeah, I got through those bitch-demons by myself. All of them. By the time I got to the escape pods, you were already a couple miles off in space. Fuck you. You screwed us all over and then took off. And now your finally, FINALLY going to pay for it. See you soon.

Jacob Durrows crumpled up the letter in his hands, deciding not to believe what he had just read. It was all behind him now. He had a wife and kid, and a beutiful home in a calm, quiet neighborhood. There had never been a broken window, or a stolen car, or anything like that. He thought the possibility of a murder around where he lived was way too far fetched.

"So who sent the letter?" His wife asked, while stacking some freshly washed dinner plates in a cupboard. "Just some kids pulling a prank, I guess." He replied, dropping the crumpled letter in the garbage can. "I'm going to go pick up Dalene from soccer, okay?" he shouted as he reached the garage door. "That's fine, honey. I'll have dinner ready when you're back, okay?" She yelled. He smiled, then walked into the garage. The garage door was wide open. "That's odd. I closed it just a few minutes ago when I took the trash out..." He mumbled to himself. He shrugged, guessing he forgot to take the car in the garage, and his wife hadn't closed it when she took it in. He chuckled, laughing at how nervous he had been, then unlocked the door to his blue volkswagen and got in. He put the keys in the ignition, just as he heard a familiar voice from the back seat. "Hey Jakey. It's been a long time..." He spun around, eyes wide with shock. "KYLE?!" He yelled, just before a kitchen knife swung into his throat. His scream of pain was muffled almost completely by the blood seeping into his mouth as he sank into his chair. He gurgled his blood in his throat, untill the knife swung a second time, and pierced his heart.

Nobody ever did find out why the war veteran Jacob Durrows' house caught fire, or why neither he nor his wife attempted escape. Nobody ever knew of Kyle Jameson's return, or his sick revenge either. It was just another mystery. Although Kyle did get his in the end, when he died of old age, and went into the pits of hell. All of the demons he had killed on Mars gave him quite a warm welcome. Very warm.
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Well that's it. I hope you liked it. I thought I would finally make more of a horror story to break the usual action theme.

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I liked the letter and technically, the story was also great. However, my personal taste got in my way of enjoying it.

Don't get me wrong, it's a great story and all, but I just didn't like how a family father and his family (not the whole) got murdered - that kind of stuff ain't my thing.

But I'm sure a lot of other readers would enjoy the story in its entirety.

Oh well, at least Kyle ended up burning in Hell >:-]

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Demons Hand said:

That is a cool story. But it needs more gore. Ya cant have enuf gore.


Umm..yes you can. Gore should only be used when nescesarry. Much like everything. If it doesn't have a reason, don't put it in there. Or it won't make sense, and bore your audience.

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dsm said:

Don't get me wrong, it's a great story and all, but I just didn't like how a family father and his family (not the whole) got murdered - that kind of stuff ain't my thing.


Yeah, I know. I did go a bit farther than usual. But the little girl survived, right?

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Asephilocity said:

Yeah, I know. I did go a bit farther than usual. But the little girl survived, right?

Yeah she survived, but what about the psychic side effects? She will be affected by the murder of his mum and dad as long as she lives - probably.
One gotta ask: Is it more merciful to let her die or to let her live with the knowledge that her parents died brutally?

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dsm said:

Yeah she survived, but what about the psychic side effects? She will be affected by the murder of his mum and dad as long as she lives - probably. Is it more merciful to let her die or to let her live with the knowledge that her parents died brutally?


I see a sequel on the horizon...

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