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Insomniak

Tales from your childhood

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With such an eclectic group of people in this forum, i'm sure many of us have some good/funny/silly stories from our traumatic glorious childhoods.

For example, when I was younger, I was walking with a friend of mine on a bike pathway that was halfway up a hill, in a community where I had moved away from, and was considered unpopular. Along the way, we came across a shopping cart, and just for fun, we decided to push the cart down the rest of the hill. As soon as we pushed it, the sound of screaming could be heard. We figgure it was some of the rich kids I went to school with earlier, and I had pushed the shopping cart down into their secret makeout spot.

heh heh heh

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When I was like two years,In Xmas eve, my mum bought to me one of those fuzzy coats that have a bear cap and when you wear it your parents think that you look like the cutiest thing in the world. The fact is, that I practically adopted the "role" of the ferocious bear (mmmhh, like Calvin form Calvin and Hobbes) and went all around the house growling and acting like the real thing. Suddenly, I stopped in front of the Christmas tree, and saw all the shining spheres that adorned it.

"I'm starving" "Those Apples may be good food" and I took some.

The spheres were made of glass, and I chewed them, hidden down the dining table. My grandma, who was babysitting me, was worried because all the house was silent and I practically dissapeared. She looked for me for a while and then she saw me eating peacefully my "glass apples" and when she knew that those were the tree's spheres she screamed in terror and managed to get them out of my mouth. I started to cry not because my mouth was wounded (in fact it wasn't) but because I was set away from my precious "apples".

This last Christmas, my mum did not set a Tree. I wonder why?......



And when I was 3 I got the typical jealousy for the new baby, that I went silently up to his room at his cradle and buried him with a bunch of pillows (now that was dangerous!!! Fortunately, my mum noticed that soon and stopped me before I could harm my little brother.
Now that I'm 18 I feel bad from what I did , I love Fred more than anything, and he helps me alot with ideas and ives me support when I need it. That's my lil' bro!!!!


Oh! And another funny...err...weird anecdote... At 2, my hair was originally curly, almost afro, and everyone kept annoying me about it ("AAAWWW what a beautyful mane you got!! awww!!"). And mum was proud of that. Suddenly, my hair started to fall...I became BALD!!! Mum was so scared that she put some tomato concoction on my scalp and after a few weeks new hair started to grow...now not curly, but SPIKY!!
Mom.-AAIIIEE!!! MY CHILD GOT CACTUS HAIR!!!

Since then my hair is now kinda straight/wavy, not curly anymore.
Stupid Tomatoes (except for ketchup)

I had a lot of imaginary friends, one of them was a dancing mop that I called Loolaa!! How I loved to dance and talk to the magic mop (mmmhh....then the toxic avenger had to come out)
The other one was a Stuffed ninja turtle, with which I loved to play tea party (now the mutagenic ooze was the tea), along with my dinosaurs...

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Hmm...I didn't do anything too too crazy as a kid. I did manage to accidentally pick up a girlfriend once. Didn't exactly want to, as she was dirty slut, but it was still kinda funny. She thought that she had gotten into some sort of real serious relationship with me. It was funny, though, as I really didn't know that I had gotten one 'till one night at parent-teacher confrences. I was standing there with my mom when suddenly this dirty-looking girl, who I recognized because she came and sat with my friend and I in the morning, comes up to me and hugs me, latching on. My mom's like, "Who's this?" Of course, the girl exclaims, "Didn't he tell you? I'm his new girlfriend!" I'm just standing there thinking, "Oh shit..." That was...senior year of highschool, come to think of it.

And I remember when I was about 3 or so (back when I wasn't allowed to take a bath alone yet), I was standing there peeing, talking to my mom. Then, I decided to turn to her and talk, spraying the wall with pee as I did.

I also used to go streaking through the house when I was about 3 or 4.

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Most of my childhood was rather uneventful. However, I do have a few odd stories from right after that.

1992 - I had just received my driver's license (I didn't really bother to take the test back when I was 16) and for my first solo drive, I decided to get a dozen or so Krispy Kreme donuts (glazed of course). There was just one slight problem, however. I just so happens that it was during the worst storm I have ever seen. I stopped by the local video store for a few minutes, then continued on. Everything was relatively fine until I got to the Krispy Kreme. It was already pouring as I entered, but when I got back out, it was coming down harder than anything I have seen at the time. I ran back to the car, making sure to protect the donuts, and started to drive back home. This is where the fun really begins.

The power had gone out in many places, and the wind was starting to really pick up. I was about to turn to the left when the stoplight turned red. Right about when it was to change to green, the power briefly went out, resetting the cycle. Of course, this made me wait some more. Finally, it changed and I was on my way past the mall. The road I was on was two lanes at the time, so when I came across an intersection and saw two stalled cars, one in the turning lane and one in the left lane, I had to get in the right lane. I stopped at the stoplight, and about a minute later, a huge lightning bolt hit the large shrub right next to me, utterly destroying it, and throwing sparks and embers everywhere. After that, there were places where the water was so high and the rain so great that the road basically disappeared. Eventually I made it home, and of course, the rain stopped almost immediately after I walked inside the house. Those were some good donuts, by the way.

Around 1995 - I was in the early afternoon on a hot summer day. I had been testing out a new boomerang I had just created, and it seemed to be a bit quirky. The boomerang wasn't your typical two bladed stick. This one was in the shape of a five pointed star with the rounded ends, and a similar shaped hole in the middle and it was painted with a rusty red spray paint (don't ask why that color, it seemed like a good idea at the time). Because of its shape, it was a bit heavier than the typical boomerang. That and the fact that I rounded off more of the ends than I usually did made it fly very low to the ground, and sometimes not come back all the way around without some serious throwing adjustments. After a while I managed to get it working properly, and I was just having fun throwing and catching the thing, when a couple of kids ran into the area. Now, normally I would stop throwing until they got out of the way, but this time, I didn't see them until right after I had thrown the boomerang. It passed right in front of them, coming within inches of their faces, maybe closer. Fortunately, it did miss, but if it hadn't, it would have ugly to say the least.

Around 1996 - I had a paper route back then, and I usually finished before the sun came up, even in the summertime. This was sometime in the winter, so it was totally dark. I was almost finished with the route for the day. Normally, I would run across the yards delivering the papers to all the townhouses, but this time there was a massive hole in one of them. Of course, I didn't know it was there and it was pitch black (no one had their porch lights on and the nearest street light was burnt out), and the next thing I knew, I got a facefull of dirt. The dozen or so papers were scattered all over the place. Thankfully, it hadn't rained recently, so I didn't land in a giant mud puddle. No one seemed to hear me fall in, so I got out and continued on. To this day, I still have no idea why they thought it was a good idea to dig a hole that took up more than half the yard.

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I got one. I was crossing the street and got hit. I flew over the roof of the car and landed on my head. The strange thing about it is that I only had some cuts,scraches and a concushion. I dont rember how fast the ass was going.

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I use to stab people with forks and spoons, I also remember when i was 5 one time my bro threw me off his bed and i got pissed off and jumped on him and bit him on the neck lol mom had to come get me off as I wouldent let go.

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Once, when I was like 6 or 7, my friend, his brother and I went down to this one house in the neighbourhood that happened to be for sale. It also happened to be the only house in the neighbourhood that was isolated enough you couldn't see it until you went at last halfway down it's long driveway. So anyway, we went around back and were hanging out in a wooden fort-thing they had there. Suddenly, my friend's older brother (he was probably 11-12 at the time) gets the idea to loot the house. So my friend goes in (he was real small and skinny back then) through some gap in a window or something and unlcoks the back door from the inside. After taking a tour of the house without finding anything, we go into the garage and find a ton of spraypaint and paint thinner. So we took the spraypaint first and graffitied the hell out of the fort. Then we made ourselves a little fire with the help of the paint thinnner, and after we got bored with that, we set about half the back lawn on fire. After we were done having fun, as we were walking down the driveway, we heard a helicopter and one of the neighbour's dogs started barking. My friend's brother was like 'Oh crap! Its the cops' so we bolted then kind of slowed and tried to act casual as we came back out into the neighbourhood, but saw that no one was around. We never told anyone about that incident since.

There was another time on the 5th of July where me and the same friend went through all the spent fireworks from the previous day. We couldn't have been much older than in the other incident. I stole some matchbooks from my house and we cannibalized one of those things that shoots up like 40 different projectiles, taking out a few of the tubes that hadn't gone off. We set one down on its side to see what would happen, and lit the fuse. Unfortunately, we didn't think about the fact that it has to shoot out one end to launch itself, so one side goes *BAM* one way and the thing goes rocketing across the yard and explodes in a shower of colors. Luckily, we were both standing to the side when that happened. We kind of stood in shock for a few seconds then were like 'cool...lets do that again!'...and so we did.

Speaking of fireworks, several times we'd set up metal pipes in his yard angled away from us to launch bottle rockets from, because 1 - we could sit right there and just drop them in with like minimum risk of being hit by it, 2 - they made cool launching sounds as they left the tube (its even cooler when you drop them in the other way), 3 - its just cool to launch fireworks at the rest of the neighbourhood (we live on a cul-de-sac, and his house is on the opposite side of it from the road). One time, my friend lit a rocket and put it in the tube. Just then, this old couple drove up the street into the cul-de-sac right when the rocket went off. The thing went straight for them, bounced of the hood, then the windshield and exploded right over their car. They had a shocked look on their faces as they quickly backed all the way down the hill.

Yeah, thats all I have for now...

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Tyockell said:

I use to stab people with forks and spoons, I also remember when i was 5 one time my bro threw me off his bed and i got pissed off and jumped on him and bit him on the neck lol mom had to come get me off as I wouldent let go.



And people say im nuts. :)

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Well, when I was 4 or so, my family and I were gathered at the table to eat supper. Since I was only 4, no one had any interest in me, so I was left to myself. Shortly, I feel asleep. I was in a rather high chair and simply dropped from it not long after I drifted off to sleep. When I did, I broke both of my collar bones.

I've got a few others, actually. When I was in kindergarten, I got out of the bath. Not a bad thing, unless there's soapy water on the floor. And there was. When I got out, I did full splits, one leg forward, one backward, groin to the floor. I'll never forget that. : / Also, I had gone biking when I was 3. I took out my tricycle and went off done the gravel road. I hadn't gone more than 30 feet when I felt an indescribable pain in my right foot. I looked down to see that my 2nd toe, right after the biggest one, had been cut off in the bike chain (I forgot to wear shoes). So the last thing I remember is hobbling back to my house crying before I passed out from the pain. My mom said she told one of my brothers to pick up my toe so it could be reattached, but he fainted. :P

I've really got a million of 'em...

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Epyo said:

SICK BASRAD!!!!

Ever get the toe back?

Nope. Now I've just got a stub.

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Eh, you get used to it. :D I could always talk about the time I lost the skin on both of my hands...or some ghost encounters.

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Demons Hand said:

I got one. I was crossing the street and got hit. I flew over the roof of the car and landed on my head. The strange thing about it is that I only had some cuts,scraches and a concushion. I dont rember how fast the ass was going.

Did a lightbulb just come on for anyone else? :P

Heh, anyway I've had too many to recall. But a pick could be when me and some mates turned an abandoned car, an old small Fiesta, over on its side and rolled it down this field over and over. It accelerated, rolling over and over until it hit these small trees, demolished a few and then came to rest upside down. It was our base for a bit. We were 13 and wild heh.

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When I was about 7, My brothers were playing Mega Man 2, and I had this awful habit of going up real close to the TV to look at the neat RGB pixels. This time I did it, I was on a couple of huge pillows (Where are those? Dammit I loved 'em) I got in to look real close, slipped, and BAM! I sliced my tongue open on my teeth! Nasty shit. Oddly enough, I felt no pain. I didn't get stitches until the next day. oh. My mum just said it was the bloodiest injury any of my brothers and I ever had. I'm Kinda proud. Anyhow, after getting stitches, I could barely talk for two weeks, and ate damn near nothing but pudding (sweet sweet pudding). Now, my tongue is fine, but I have a scar on it. Which I horrify people with by showing it to them.

One last factoid. When I slipped, my brothers were playing in Quick-man's level, and they were pretty far in it. I have no idea why I remembered that. Oh, I ruined their game too, and got blood all over the nintendo. HAHAHA!

I look back on it and laugh.

I'd dare someone to top it, but it's a bit too late for that. Losing a toe? that's rough. Did you have trouble walking afterwards?

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There was once when I was playing with razors. I was just siting there, going through the cabinets and I found a razor blade. So like, I just ran my fingers across it and stuff and it didn't hurt or anything. Then my mom comes in and screams "Oh my god!" and then I realize my fingers are bleeding. I was probably 5 at the time. I didn't remember any pain or crying.

Another time...I was 4 at the time, I know because my sister had just been born a month or two ago. So anyway, my parents made me wash up for dinner and I did, then when I was coming downstairs from the bathroom, I tripped on a step, tumbled down the stairs and landed head first onto the corner of our fireplace hearth...corner as in where all 3 sides met. So like, I ended up with a hole in my head right down to the skull or something (I can't remember exactly what the damage was, nor can my parents). Anyway, thats the only time I've ever been rushed to the ER before (my dad drove me, no ambulance or anything). Got stiches in my head...good times.

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Ok, time for me to tell mine. I was like 8, and I was playing on the swingset in my backyard. Suddenly I got the idea of standing on top of it and then jumping off it onto the swing. I think it was about 8 feet high. So I climbed up the slide and onto the top beam. I picked up my hands and stood up on the high beam. I looked around, what a view! I was walking on it easily balanced too! Next thing I know, I ran into a low tree branch, and fell down onto a hard plastic thing, broke it plain in half, then landed on metal rod that went way under the swing, broke that in two, and finally landed flat on my back on the half of a thousand acorns that fall from that tree each year.

I tried to do a sit-up to look at my feet, but I couldn't manage to get as high as a foot. So I leaned my head to the left a little to look at my feet, but they weren't there! Just bloody stumps! So looked to the left of my head, and there were my feet, lying on the ground, squirting out blood like a fountain. So I rolled over to the left, and craned my neck to look at my bare back (my shirt was ripped), and I saw a gaping hole revealing my spinal cord! So I used my left hand to throw my immovable right hand at the cord, and I felt a pain so horrible, I opened my mouth to scream, though it wasn't too loud, as my vocal cords were sheered! I lowered my chin to the ground and my chin was gone too! I finally passed out.

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the only memories I have of childhood is that of my parents fucking/getting stoned in the next room. Occasionally my dad would come out and beat the shit out of me for no particular reason...one time they decided to take me swimming in a pond way out in the country. My dad dared me that i couldnt make it out to the middle of the pond and back, so i decided I'd show him...once I got to the middle of the pond they jumped in the car and left. For 6 long hours I sat and cried. I got out of the pond and wandered around long enough that i eventually found a house. They called the cops and they found my home. When I got there my dad beat me again and raped me for being such an awful child.

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This one time I was at the amusement park and I told my mom I'd give her 5 bucks to ride this really scary ride, and she did, but I didn't have 5 dollars, so she forced me on the ride and then dangled me off the edge of the seat, but it was a looping coaster, so a loop came and she let go of me to cover her eyes and I landed on one of the things in the below pond that make mist. I got a concussion and left crying, and I cried so loud during the road trip home that my mom threw me out of the car.

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yeah but mine really happened. My dad would come home drunk and beat the fuck out of me all the time. and that's when he was feeling nice.

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ehhhhhhhhhhhh, I'm not coming back here.

am I honestly the only one with a great childhood?

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Epyo said:

ehhhhhhhhhhhh, I'm not coming back here.

am I honestly the only one with a great childhood?

Epyo said:

Well I made that up too.


So you're childhood was all in your mind or what ?

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Epyo said:

ehhhhhhhhhhhh, I'm not coming back here.

am I honestly the only one with a great childhood?

Yea one of the few anyway........I certainly dident and it deff dident improve any since.

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Darkstalker said:

So you're childhood was all in your mind or what ?

ehhhh, no comprehende, englais?!

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