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Draconio

Rotten Maps' Anthem

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Lately I've been downloading a lot of maps from the idgames archives, something which has reminded me that many of these wads, quite frankly, suck. It inspired me to write this poem about some of the obnoxious things I've seen in various rotten maps I've played over the years. Hopefully some of you will find some amusement in this.

Textures grossly misaligned!
Keys in secrets you must find!
A BFG in every room!
You cannot see within the gloom!
For we are the rotten maps!
Rotten maps! Nyah!
Imps crammed in by the thousand!
John Romero's severed head!
Little Nazis in a line!
A pit from which you cannot climb!
For we are the rotten maps!
Rotten maps! Nyah!
Moronic sound effects and speech!
An exit you can never reach!
Sixty Viles in the halls!
Paintbrush scribbles on the walls!
For we are the rotten maps!
Rotten maps! Nyah!
Forty Cybers make you bleed!
A maze your automap can't read!
Ten times the ammo you can use!
A hidden passage with no clues!
For we are the rotten maps!
ROTTEN MAPS! NYAH!

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It looks like someone's been playing just a little too much Mockery, heheh.

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