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The Ultimate DooMer

Forum Wars - (spoof) game review

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I don't normally do this sort of thread, but after seeing this (spoof) game review on Teletext (in the UK) today, I couldn't resist:

Forum Wars (PC/Mac)

-------page 1-------

Today's review is a little different. We're looking a a game played by thousands of users each and every day.

Many participants indulge in their evenings from the confines of their bedrooms. Thousands more partake while at work, when they should be doing something important, such as accounts.

We call it Forum Wars, and all you need to play is an internet connection and a willingness to antagonise others.

-------page 2-------

In order to play, you need to find an internet discussion format dedicated to videogame talk.

Next, an important bit: choosing a name. Forget your real name - that's no use here. Ideally you need to pick something that reveals your allegiances right from the outset.

Some examples: XboxKing, Chocobo Man, MarioH8ter, HaloKiller, AtariFan, Peach Snogger. These are all perfect.

-------page 3-------

The internet is, of course, the ideal place to show off, so you may want to mix a bit of that into your username.

Try one of these: Lady Lover, Soul Caliber Master, Ford XR3i, Big Man.

When you're starting out and looking to get noticed, you may obviously choose to adopt a female name.

A variant of GirlGamer, or any normal girl's name, will suffice for this.

-------page 4-------

Now you're all set and it's time to play Forum Wars.

Enter the chat forum and look for a popular topic. Right now, this might be something about Zelda: The Wind Waker or the recent Xbox price cut.

And here's the plan: you type in your own opinions and post them to the forum, for all to see.

The exciting stuff happens next.

-------page 5-------

Within less than a day's play, you will encounter more undesirables than a typical episode of Resident Evil.

You will form allegiances, just as you would in a role-playing game. You will spend days attempting to work out puzzles such as: why did Halo get ten out of ten in that review?

You will be seen playing Forum Wars in your work time and be threatened with dismissal. We can't praise it enough.

-------page 6-------

Multi-player turn-based communication game based on the fact that everyone has opinions, no matter how stupid.

Can fill idle hours like no other game.

Could get you the sack. Danger of you thinking that it all somehow matters.

SCORE: 9/10

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the_Danarchist said:

They have discovered the only game more addicting than EverCrack.

Hm, I always thought Heroes of Might and Magic III was even more addicting than EverCrack.

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Job said:

Hm, I always thought Heroes of Might and Magic III was even more addicting than EverCrack.

That game was the greatest game ever.

For about 10 minutes.

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