Hello

[Gau666]

Hello fello Doomers i'm just started writing my first doom story and i should be done with it soon.

[BlueSonnet]

Great! Any further details? :D

[dsm]

Instead of wasting space informing us that you're writing a fan fic, how about just working on it and posting it when you're done?

Just a suggestion, because I know I'm not the only one who absolutely hate threads like this one.

[Guardian]

*attempts to make some sort'f a point to this Topic then* Hey, dsm's using his old fishie now . . . 0_0

[Gau666]

In My Doom story it's an original story that I came up with. It is about me and friends, we are "Demon Orkin men" sent to hell to exterminate a nest of demons on the Deimos Anomoly. I should have the first chapter done before 1:30 Central time

[Gau666]

Threshold of Pain

I was seperated from my friends when we arrived in hell. We were on the same portal headed to there, there five of us Myself Matt, Clint, Luke, Joe, and Keith. We were all really good friends. We knew each other for the longest of times me and Clint and Luke were the most seasoned of our group joe and Keith were fairly decent at dealing with the demon's. Most of us were really quiet, we called clint the "Angel of Death" because he could kill anything Except a Cyber Demon with his fists when beserked. Luke was the kind of person that could run into a room with the big guns and kill a room full of bad guys and barely get scratched. I myself was a careful one but still quit an officient killer. But sometimes the battle got the best of me. When i Arrived in Hell i had lost my favored Double-barreled shotgun so i was stuck with just my standard pistol.

that's just the first page there's planty more to go and it gets a lot more detailed, so if there's any questions or comments i'd like to hear them.

[wasted]

impressive...

[Gau666]

When I arrived in Hell I immediatly smelled rotten flesh. I thought to myself "Yep Hell sweet Hell" the smell of putrid flesh was nothing new but could still gag the best of us. The bodies in front of me must have been here for a while, I could tell because the intestines splayed in front of the corpses were covered in puss & maggots. The maggots crawling in and out of the intestines had made some pretty big holes in them. The sight of it would make a priest crucify himself, To me it was just another pile of bull demon fodder. I searched the body for some clips it had a couple of clips on it. i picked up the first one checked to see if it was full, it had the standard 10 shots in it. When i picked up the second clip i heard a low growl behind me, I spun around only to have a shotgun shell tear through the air to my left. "Son of a Bitch, Damn shotgun guy!" i said as I ducked behind a nearby pillar and pulled out my pistol, I peeked around a corner to see where the Shotgun guy was. He was about 13 feet behind the pillar, I fired 2 shots at the angry zombie the first one ricocheted off the wall behind him. the second one tore through what would be his heart, out of the hole poured out black blood and the occasional maggot.

end of Chapter 2 i'd say it's better than the first one tell me what you think. Thanks for reading

[wasted]

thats just great... i like the exclamation: "Yep Hell sweet Hell"...

[BlueSonnet]

*Thumbs up sign*

[Gau666]

Taking the advice of a Doomer I'll run my story through spell check first. I should have it up tonight.

[Gau666]

While the Shotgun guy was reeling I pumped 3 shots into its lifeless brain. The left side exploded first and sent shards of skull flying, the next two shots sent grey matter flying and painted the nearby wall, it wsa like watching jell-o roll off a wall. After the zombie hit the ground with a satisfying thud I chuckled to myself as I slowly but firmly brought my foot down on the half shattered skull. I picked up the shotgun and examined it "Still good!" I said "And with 11 shells left!" I put the shells in my belt and carried on down the corridor, it was damp and yet at the same time the walls felt very dry but then again it was hell what would you expect. I had ventured down the hall when I noticed something on the wall to my right, it a Cyanagram and then it hit me I remembered back in the briefing before the trip
we all came up with the idea of putting our symbols on the walls along with an arrow pointing in the direction of where we were going incase we got lost or seperated. A wave of relief overcame me as I thought to myself "Whew the're here. I hurried on down the hallway when I arrived at a room that as least 20 ft. tall, 100 ft. wide, and five doors in front of me. On the west wall were computer moniters flashing on and off of people being ripped apart and eaten alive. In the center of the room is a pillar made of skulls.

I'm sorry it's not spellchecked I don't have Word so I did it in Word pad, Tell me what you think.

[m0l0t0v]

A few things struck me as kinda odd, while reading your story...

...the corpses were covered in puss & maggots. The maggots crawling in and out of the intestines had made some pretty big holes in them.

There are flies/ maggots in Hell?

...On the west wall were computer moniters flashing on and off of people being ripped apart and eaten alive.

There are computer monitors in Hell?

Perhaps you can spend more time describing the surroundings. 'Hell' can call up a lot of different images, which vary from person to person...

Anyway, you story is fine and interesting, so keep it up!

-----
PS: Sorry if I bumped the thread, I just read it today...

[Little Faith]

There are certainly pests in Hell. Many of Hell's torments are based on being eaten up slowly by small creatures.


As for the comptuers: I honestly don't know why you all think that Hell only has a medieval level of technology? After all, a lot of time has passed there too. Still I would believe that all technology in hell, no matter how simple or advanced it may be are in some way influenced by the demons' own black magic. (example: a powerplant that produced power by draining the life force slowly out of tormented souls).

[Fredrik]

Speaking of which: it will be interesting to see if hell in Doom 3 goes high-tech. Could be.

[DarkWolf]

Gau666 said:

...I pumped 3 shots...

Just a suggestion, but with lower numbers it looks better if you spell them out. However, when you're describing the measurements of things it's fine to use the numerals.

...that as least 20 ft. tall, 100 ft. wide, and five doors in front of me.

This is a good example. The measures of the room are numerals, but the number of doors is spelled out.

Anyway, just a suggestion.

[wasted]

Fredrik said:

Speaking of which: it will be interesting to see if hell in Doom 3 goes high-tech. Could be.

Hail hi teck Hell!!!

The main torture there is to be offline, as Zaldron used to say.

[Torn]

m0l0t0v said:

A few things struck me as kinda odd, while reading your story...

There are computer monitors in Hell?

Hey, check doom1 episode3. :P

[SmellyOgre]

Gau666 said:

A wave of relief overcame me as I thought to myself "Whew the're here.

I'm sorry it's not spellchecked I don't have Word so I did it in Word pad, Tell me what you think.

the're here!