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Captain Red

Note worthy real life(TM) quotes.

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This thread is the place to deposit wise, odd and downright stupid quotes you've heard people say either in real life or over the internet.

I'll start:

Attention lesbians, terrorists... lesbian terrorists...
--Street preacher, downtown Brisbane

In the eyes of the lord, everyone is white!
--Same Street preacher, tyring to dismiss the idea that he is a raciest.

You have blacks here to?
--Gorge W Bush, talking to the primister of Brazil.

I'm not a homophobe, I just think man on man sex is nasty!

quote away.

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Ct_red_pants said:

I'm not a homophobe, I just think man on man sex is nasty!

I'm sure that's a misquote. The first part of the statement was "im not a homophob" and the second part was expressed far more graphically (IIRC: "i just thing men fucking men is nasty").

OK, a street trader in Oxford Street, London (shouting loudly):
"Stolen goods at stolen goods prices!".

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"wanking is sex for single men" -- zarcyb

"it's all fun and games until someone's cat get's sabotaged" -- nxn

"She dumped his frumpy ass for my big cock and nice personality" -- BBG
"she was disapointed that night" -- Darknation

"i love you guys...oh wait i mean hate" -- Fraggle

"i memorized all digits of pi...all of them: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,0" -- lament

Yay...fianly my quote file comes in handy.

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Some from IRC channels I go to:

"don't mess with a frenchie who drank 4 glasses of Lalande Pomerol 1978." -- Simon_Templar

"nowadays people are so many weird fetishes and when i say i like big boobies people starts to giving me 'that look'" -- zerocube

"do i have to register and pay to become an op?" -- bearrison

"i like hang'n around you guys, you make me feel almost normal" -- HrRlY

"yes, but there is an inherent danger in receiving a serious electrical shock from fucking a pikachu" -- Pha17tasy

"become gay to get close to the girl, since girls are less protective with gay guys, then say that you abandon your gay ways for her" -- GGoodd

"i am working on these CD drive, and i was wondering whether it is a slave or master, then metallica sings 'Slave! hebrew born to serve...' and i found out it's a slave" -- zerocube

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Yes. No matter how dumb you are, always remember you are smarter than DoomBoy.
Unless you're Railgunner. -Dan

When in doubt, always go for the stupidest thing. -Martiza Campos

Studies show that time will heal almost any wound.
Studies also show that time can be hazardous to your health. -me

It's up to you to figure out
the true meaning of what I say.
Because I haven't a clue myself. -me

You say stupid things to make people think.
I do stupid things to make people fear me. -me again

So long and thank's for all the fish -Douglas Adams

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"your ass is grass and I'm the lawnmower" - me

"The formula is simple, where c = forum member, t = silly thread, p = number of silly posts subsequently made, PH is Post Hell and M = moderator tolerance you have.

c + t (p) = x

If x>M then PH + t = PH + 1." - some forum regular

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"i wanna make love to Quasar and have little Quasarkavres" - anarkavre

"There's a saying: 6 kills on Quake 3 is 'Excellent;' 6 kills on UT is 'Rampage;' 6 kills on CounterStrike is 'Kicked by console'" - IMJack

"You know what would be fun? To come over to the States, find Ralphis, kick his door down at 6am and say 'Hows about a nice cup of STFU, babe?' And them beat him repeatedly" - pritch

"seems i got k-lined from irc.goatse.cx" - aca

"master booty record -- its where your system pimp keeps the names of his 'hos" - Quasar

"We don't serve their kind here. Your pants, they'll have to wait outside." - Hyena

"I can't believe how annoying BBG has gotten. I always heard of his reputation for being an asswipe, but I never go by reputations. But he lived up to it fairly well" - Hyena

"I hate quotations." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Breanna tried to get me drunk once, but the plan fell through, because the person who's house we needed decided to play pictionary instead" - The Danarchist

"that is not 180 pounds of muscle hunnybunny; that is 180 pounds of SODA" - Liam

"How do you quote on here?" - DooMBoy

"i'm working on a new theory, tentatively titled 'EVREYONE IN TEH WORLD IS GAY'" - pritch

"Doomworld: Your definitive source for Doom links and forums" - Linguica

"The Navy once called me. They told me I was too fat to join" - The Danarchist

"if i search for 'sargebaldy' i find a bunch of military porn" - SargeBaldy

"I hope zdoom gets vibrator support" - picklehammer

"hey bloodshedder why dont you come work for me? bigger audience, more prestige, groupies" - Linguica (when Doomcenter still existed)

"i have 49854985987GB of pron; my manstick doubles as a usb pendrive" - xooz98

"I love electronics, always have been a tinkerer of such things. It all started when I was 7, and wired a train set directly to a wal socket...and shot the train through my bedroom wall. Suddenly I understood the difference from AC to DC heh" - Kurt Kesler

"I am gay" - The Danarchist

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"actually, I'll probably need to sleep with one eye open tonigh, I might wake up with vampire bites in the morning and confuse them for an std again " -- nxn

"These days people are too busy trying not to get killed by terrorists, nuclear missiles, or their own presidents to worry about suicide" -- Hyena

"If someone stuck their dick in my ass I would be in a state of suprise, nay, shock" -- Darknation

"well i need to write a whiny protest to the gov't explaining why my grades sucked last year so i can get financial aid...lazy isn't a clinical disorder yet is it?" -- SargeBaldy

" I should go on a doom road trip sometime. Drive around meeting doom people, headbang to "booom" with Som, play DM against Sargebaldy, Punch BBG in the face, etc." -- Hyena

"HOT HOT IMP PORN AT http://www.doomworld.com/
imp porn, cyberdemon nudes, omg hot hot marine on marine action" -- Linguica

"ok... my life just sky rocketed into planet bullshit. in the past 5 minutes I realized the amount of homework tripled in 5 days... I already failed a test in spanish, I can't understand shit, I got another tomorrow,I have no time for homework either because tomorrow is the summer reading shit and I gotta read those books int he next 2hours. oh, and I'm doing dope on sunday" -- nxn

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"I've created a 32-level four-episode megawad for The Ultimate DOOM (it is 32 levels instead of 36 because as far as I know, SLIGE doesn't generate secret exits)." - Woolie Wool

"I have recently been asking many questions recently. Most have been about finding secret levels. I have to COMPLAIN on the forums before someone gives me the asnwer. This is over wirh!! From now on, when I ask for a spoiler, you MUST reply the answer or I will get furious and report to the mod. I've already had to report to the mod 5 times. And I will take no more of this "I can't get an answer!!" stuff. So there. Good luck, as I ain't changing my mind!!" - Joe Todd

"There you go!! I'm mad now!! I tried to use an editor, and it won't tell me. ANSWER IMMIDEATLY OR I AM GOING TO REPORT THIS VIOLATION TO THE MOD!!! NOW!! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!!" - Joe Todd talking to BBG, a Super Moderator at the time

"my post have gone!?" - Unicorn_X

"forums kept brokeing! try different opion. can notify pastor?" - Unicorn_XY

"why when i cannot post in "post hell", ays "post" yet no post!! good morning" - Unicorn_Z

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You see i suffer from this allergy. It's called good taste, meaning when ever i see something shitty i black out, which is why Newdoom makes me damn-near die. - BBG

SHUDDUP! You're Fat! You're ugly! You've got a big head! And that's all i have to say! - My little step-sister to an enemy worm called cartman when we were playing worms.

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"Only two things are infinite, the universe and
human stupidity ^and numbers
" - Albert Einstein

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You can tongue-tickle my diseased left nut, you mentally deficient, heifer-humping, man train caboose-riding, golden, flaky cum biscuit; it's every good citizen's duty to take the initiative to club you with any nearby blunt objects and tie you up to a telephone pole, leaving you wide open to anal assaults by passersby with sexual inadequacy issues. I'll crack you open like a lobster and eat your white, rich, pasty insides with a delicious butter sauce. -- Job

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"Oh beautiful, for spacious disks, for pirate waves of games. America, America, god gave free games to thee! America, America, where CD-Rs are king! For stolen program's majesty, above the ripped off warez!" -OoBeY

"I dont' wanna see MAJOR BUG FOUND!!! on the forums unless Gen crashed and nuked half of Detroit. ;^)" -Lee'Mon

"when you think about it, the main GB module is actually the girl, and the cartridge is the boy, cause...you...you know.... it's actually quite a sexual procedure like fueling your car" -OoBeY

"it contained (and in no small ammounts): ketchup, salt, pepper, sugar (LOTS), and a crayon" -OoBeY

"I'm a saint, i do great things, but i don't know why AND I CANT STOP MYSELF" -OoBeY

"Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?" -ConfusedUs

" Ahh, the irony of it all, games keeper!  Don't you know that asking me to shut up or not talk so much is about as likely to succeed as asking you to write with proper grammar and punctuation? :D" -MMA.Phoenix

"you know, does gameskeeper even look at his computer when he types? I'm under the impression that he composes his messages by throwing furniture from another room at his keyboard" -OoBeY

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the three quotes from my quotes file

[02:26] <arioch> I freely admit that I suck

[22:00] <zarcyb> a wet blanket of OMG BOBOS

[16:40] <mewse> who uses eternity? || <xooz98> mewse: quasar and sometimes som

and some others:

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -- Dan Quayle

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." -- Brooke Shields

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."-- David Dinkins New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

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Tobester said:

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."-- David Dinkins New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

He's right. Not paying your taxes, afaik, is not a criminal act.

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