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Windows 2000 Error Messages

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000:

1. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

2. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

3. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

4. Close your eyes and press escape three times.

5. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

6. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

7. Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"

8. To "shut down" your system, type "WIN."

9. BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.

10. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

11. Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)

12. Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.

13. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

14. WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)

15. User Error: Replace user.

16. Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"

Lets hear more jokes! ;)

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Ok, lets go with another joke since that last one of mine was good...



10. The monitor is certified for low emissions by JiffyLube.

9. The logo on your receipt: International House of Lame Computers.

8. You see the salesman you bought it from hawking genuine Rolexes on
street corners.

7. The sound board and speakers are a separate unit, and they receive
only AM.

6. The ad slogan: Ronald McDonald just grew up.

5. It has only two expansion slots, and they just popped up a couple
of rounds of toast.

4. It's labeled "energy saving" only because there's no power supply.

3. You just got another one with your Happy Meal.

2. The infrared cordless keyboard has only 15 keys, and one of them
is marked Fast Forward.

1. The sticker reads "nothing of value inside."

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Also, THANK YOU THANK YOU! Its good to be back! I just hope I dont get banned for telling jokes. hehe ;)

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Electro said:

4. It's labeled "energy saving" only because there's no power supply.


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I don't think so. I still don't know why you were banned this time or even who it was, as long as it was fixed.

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hehehehehehe ok ok, stick around, I am getting some more jokes out here... hehehehehehehehe

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Bad Directions...

A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died
because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to
get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife
to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into
our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use
it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to
her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it
needed to be pushed at least 30mph for it to start.

She said "fine!", hopped into her car and drove off.

I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing.

A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror
coming at me at about 40 mph, and I suddenly realized that I
should have been a bit clearer with my directions...

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the_Danarchist said:

Wow. Only 3 posts to get a custom title. Its a new record!

I like jokes. :P

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Disk cluster 4851 has gone bad/corrupt. Punish/Discipline it?


Incompatible drivers, do you want them to wage war against one another?

RIAA.SYS found, do you want HACKER.SYS to destroy file?

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Things that make you go Hmmm....
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Now onto more joking around ;) hehehehehehehehe *honk honk*

Q. How's your job at the clock company?
A. Only time will tell.

Q. How's your job at the banana company?
A. I keep slipping up.

Q. How's your job on the new highway?
A. I'm so busy I don't know which way to turn.

Q. How's your job at the travel agency?
A. I'm going nowhere.

Q. How's your job at the swivel chair company?
A. It makes my head spin!

Q. How's your job at the lemon juice company?
A. I've had bitter jobs.

Q. How's your job at the pie company?
A. It didn't pan out.

Q. How's your job at the balloon factory?
A. We can't keep up with inflation.

Q. How's your job at the crystal ball company?
A. I'm making a fortune.

Q. How's your job at the history book company?
A. There's no future in it.

Q. How's your job at the clock company?
A. I'm having second thoughts about it.

Q. How's your job on the farm?
A. Problems keep cropping up.

Q. How's your job at the sewing shop?
A. Hanging on by a thread.

hehehehehehehehe ok ok, heres another one...

24 Hour Service
Needing some clothes cleaned in a hurry, a man searched this small
Georgia town in which he was visiting until he found a sign which
read: "Cleaning and Pressing, 24-Hour Service."

After explaining his needs, he said, "I'll be back for
my suit tomorrow."

"Won't be ready til Saturday," replied the proprietor.

"But I thought you had 24-hour service," the customer protested.

"We do, son," the proprietor said reproachfully. "But we only
work eight hours a day. Today's Thursday - eight hours today,
eight hours Friday, eight on Saturday. That's 24-hour service."

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Here's a few I have saved:


1) Only get laid once
2) Only get eaten once
3) Takes 7 mins to get hard
4) You have to come in a box with 11 other guys
5) The only one who’ll sit on your face is your mother


Pearly Gates

St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention.
"Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?"
"Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?"
"Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven."
"Sounds easy enough. OK."
So Jesus waited at the gates while St. Peter went off on his errand. The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to the examination table and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked, "What did you do for a living?"
The old man replied, "I was a carpenter."
Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward.
"Did you have any family?" he asked.
"Yes, I had a son, but I lost him."
Jesus leaned forward some more. "You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?"
"Well, he had holes in his hands and feet, and I made him myself in my own image, no sex was involved."
Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, "Father?"
The old man leaned forward and whispered, "Pinocchio?"


Signs and Slogans:
On a Septic Tank Truck sign: "We're #1 in the #2 business."
Sign over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
At a proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit please back in."
On a Plumbers truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."
On a Plumbers truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
At a towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."
At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry? Come on in and get fed up."
In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."
At a Chicago radiator shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."


Why Some Countries CAN'T Go Metric!

If the metric system did ever take over, we'd have to change our thinking to the following:
* A miss is as good as 1.1 kilometers.
* Put your best 0.3 of a meter forward.
* Spare the 5.03 meters and spoil the child.
* Twenty-eight grams of prevention is worth 454 grams of cure.
* Give a man 2.5 centimeters and he'll take 1.6 kilometers.
* Peter Piper picked 8.8 liters of pickled peppers.

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1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece
of furniture in the house.

2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away,
but don't hear you when you're in the same room.

3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.

4. They growl when they are not happy.

5. When you want to play, they want to play.

6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.

7. They leave their toys everywhere.

Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats.
(I think I will go make some popcorn, you better too, cause more jokes on the ways!)

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Ballistophobia- Fear of missles or bullets.

Ablutophobia- Fear of washing or bathing.

Barophobia- Fear of gravity.

Carnophobia- Fear of meat.

Alektorophobia- Fear of chickens.

Bibliophobia- Fear of books.

Coulrophobia- Fear of clowns.

Brontophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.

Amaxophobia- Fear of riding in a car.

NOW... FOR SOME MORE HUMOR! muhahahahahahaaaaaaa ;)

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the_Danarchist said:

Wow. Only 3 posts to get a custom title. Its a new record!

I'd have chosen Court Jester for his title :P

Anyway, here's one of my favorite top ten lists:

Top Ten Ways to Get Thrown Out of Chemistry

10. Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on
describing the sound to others.
9. Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, "Does
this taste funny to you?"
8. Consistently write three atoms of potassium as KKK
7. Mutter repeatedly, "Not again... not again... not again."
6. When it's very quiet, suddenly cry out, "My Eyes!"
5. Deny the exsistence of chemicals.
4. Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says
exactly the way he/she says it.
3. Casually walk to the front of the room and urinate in a beaker.
2. Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the professor is
about to pour the sulfuric acid.
1. Show up with a 55-gallon drum of fertilizer and express an
interest in federal buildings.

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Things that make you go Hmmm....
Crime doesn't pay...does that mean that my job is a crime?

How do you know that honesty is the best policy until you have tried
some of the others?

The Diagnosis
In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was
about to introduce the subject of manic depression.

She posed this question to her students: "How would
you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth
screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits
in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested
earnestly, "A basketball coach?"
Tech Support
(This is as old as the hills but some of y'all might not have read it)

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty
period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am.
Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a
promotional offer. It just has '4X' on it."

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't
stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive
as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.
LMAO!!!!! ;)

hehehehehe, want more?

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Things that make you go Hmmm....
How come wrong numbers are never busy?

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?
(Electro: Did I mention I play some chess myself? Altho I am not exactly thee greatest.)
The Doberman
A highly timid little man, Casper Milquetoast, ventured into a
biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err,
which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the
parking meter?"

A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing
out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down
at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?"

"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I
believe my dog just killed it, sir."

"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind
of dog do you have?"

"Sir," answered the little man, "It's a four week old puppy."

"Bull!" roared the biker, "How could your puppy kill my

"It appears that he choked on it, sir."
A Lawyer's Natural Instinct!
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter.

Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor
of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.

Incensed by the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said,
"If your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable
for the cost of the meat?"

The lawyer replied, "Of course. How much was the roast?"

"$7.98," said the butcher.

A few days later, the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98.
Attached to it was an invoice that read, Legal Consultation Service:
A British bishop was talking with a class of small boys and wanted to
impress them with the importance of prayer and religious conviction.
He said, "There was once a dormitory for seven boys. When lights-out
time came, six boys stayed in bed, but one boy got out of bed, knelt
down, and said his prayers. Now boys, can you think of anything
braver than that?"

"Oh, yes, sir," a member of the class said.

"You can?" said the bishop, a bit taken aback. "Well, tell us about
it. "

"It's this way," the boy said. "There was a dormitory with seven
bishops in it. When the lights went out, six bishops got out of bed,
knelt down, and said their prayers, but one bishop stayed in bed."
Things that make you go Hmmm....

Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?
LMAO! ;D I have good sense of humor!

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Tech Support: "All right. Now click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "Yes, click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "That's right. Click 'OK'."
Customer: "So I click 'OK', right?"
Tech Support: "Right. Click 'OK'."


Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "YOU CLICKED 'CANCEL'???"
Customer: "That's what I was supposed to do, right?"
Tech Support: "No, you were supposed to click 'OK'."
Customer: "I thought you said to click 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "NO. I said to click 'OK'."
Customer: "Oh."
Tech Support: "Now we have to start over."
Customer: "Why?"
Tech Support: "Because you clicked 'Cancel'."
Customer: "Wasn't I supposed to click 'Cancel'?"
Tech Support: "No. Forget that. Let's start from the top."
Customer: "Ok."

I spent the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for this lady's unique computer.

Tech Support: "All right. Now, are you ready to click 'OK'?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Great. Now click 'OK'."


Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."

And people wonder why my mouse pad has a target on it labeled "BANG HEAD HERE."

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hehehe I wonder when my title gets to level up! ;)


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If it ain't broke, you ain't tryin'. -Red Green

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A man runs into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, doctor, you've gotta help me! I've lost all my electrons!"
The doctor asks:
"Are you sure?"
And the man replies:
"I'm positive"

/me dodges falling piano.

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Since you have a custom title, it won't change with more posts. Otherwise:

0 - Registered Lurker
1 - Registered just to make one post
2 to 9 - Newbie
10 to 29 - Warming Up
30 to 49 - Green Marine
50 to 99 - Mini-Member
100 to 249 - Junior Member
250 to 499 - Member + Custom Avatar
500 to 999 - Forum Regular
1000 to 1999 - Senior Member
2000 to 2999 - Forum Staple
3000 to 3999 - Forum Spammer
4000 to 4999 - Forum Legend
5000 and over - Why don't I have a custom title by now?!
Loser - Banished to the Losers forum. You don't want this title.
Banned - Self-explanatory. You'll want this even less.

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This topic is now closed to further replies.