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Danarchy

Resume' of George Bush

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Yeah, so here's something my mom sent me in the e-mail:

______________________________
George W. Bush
The White House, USA

Past Work Experience

I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.

I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; the company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.

With my father's help and name, I was elected Governor of Texas.



Accomplishments as Governor

I changed pollution laws in favor of the power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.

I replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-ridden city in America.

I cut taxes and bankrupted Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

I set the record for the most executions by any Governor in American history.

I became U.S. President after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes with the help of major Enron money and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court.



Accomplishments as President

I attacked and overtook two countries.

I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.

My record for environmental issues is the least of my concerns.

I am the first president in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.

I set the the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one year period.

After taking-off the entire month of August, I then presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

I am supporting development of a "Tactical Bunker Buster" nuke, a WMD.

I am getting our troops killed, under the lie of Sadam's procurement of Yellow Cake Nuke WMD components, then blaming the lie on our British friends.

I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. president.

In my first year in office over 2-million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any president in U.S. history.

I set the record for least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.

I signed more laws and executive orders effectively amending or ignoring the Constitution than any president in history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history and refused to use national reserves as past presidents have done.

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in war time.

I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people) shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.

I've dissolved more international treaties than any president in U.S. history.

I've made my presidency the most secretive and unaccountable of any in U.S. history.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history.

My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

I am the first president in U.S. history to have almost all 50 states of the Union simultaneously suffer massive financial crisis.

I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in history.

I am the first president in U.S. history to order a pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the United Nations and the world community.

I created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.

I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in history.

I am the first president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

I am the first president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Elections Monitoring Board.

I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in U.S. history.

I rendered the entire United Nations viewpoints irrelevant.

I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war" (detainees) and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first president in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).

I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation) presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history. My political party used the Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.

I have spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in U.S. history.

I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most resented country in the world, possibly the largest failure of diplomacy in World history.

I am actively working on a policy of "disengagement" creating the most hostile of Israel-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.

I am first president in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.

I am the first U.S. president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the U.S. than by their immediate neighbor, North Korea.

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

I set an all-time record for the number of administration appointees who violated U.S. law by not selling their huge personal investments in corporations bidding for U.S. contracts.

I failed to fulfill my pledge to capture Osama Bin Laden, dead or alive.

I failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the U.S. Capitol Building. Even after 18 months I have no leads and no credible suspects.

In the past 18 months following the World Trade Center attack I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.

I removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any president in U.S. history.

In a little over two years, I created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided since the Civil War.

I entered my office with the strongest economy in U.S. history and have turned every single economic category downward -- all in less than two years.



Records and References:

I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine. My Texas driving record has been erased and is not available.

I was AWOL from the National Guard.

I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.

All records of my tenure as Governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed, and unavailable for public view.

All records of SEC investigations into insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.


~ Please consider my experience when voting in 2004. ~
__________________________

:P

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Sounds really bad, but a few of those are not responsibilities of the US President to fix, nor does he have the power to affect those few things in any way at all even if he wanted to.

So, judging by this post, I'd say he's only 85% evil. :P

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It's funny because it's true.

But funny in that sad, almost unsettling sort of way.

As the figurehead for the entire United States, what an embarassment. It's no wonder people think of us as monsters, failing to realize that so many of the people who live here are good people, just like any country.

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I set the record for the most executions by any Governor in American history.
Not necesarily a bad thing
I became U.S. President after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes with the help of major Enron money and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court.
Bullshit; the votes thing is the way the country worksI attacked and overtook two countries.
that were fucking with us
I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in history.

Wartime, baby (or would rather have had us not go after bin Laden and affilates? Oh wait, you do, because you're mad that we didn't capture bin Laden and the antraxer. Gotta love hypocrosy.)
I set the the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one year period.
If you got handed the biggest tragedy in US history, you'd need a break too
After taking-off the entire month of August, I then presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
No fucking way that could have been stopped
I am supporting development of a "Tactical Bunker Buster" nuke, a WMD.
Heh, dunno what that means, but what's your point?
I am getting our troops killed, under the lie of Sadam's procurement of Yellow Cake Nuke WMD components, then blaming the lie on our British friends.Yessss, because you have proof!
I set the record for least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.
And your point is?
I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people) shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.
Yes, he's an eviiiiiiiiiiilllllllll man! Oh, wait, there's 6 billion humans on Earth . . . ?
I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in history.
Yep, allllllll his fault!
I am the first president in U.S. history to order a pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the United Nations and the world community
Yep, and if they had attacked us, shame on him for not stopping it! UN . . . joke. World community = Europe? Yep, if they weren't backing us we'd be fucked. Oh no, wait, we'd be fine.
I created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.
Not exactly sure what you mean, but if you're talking about the Homeland Security Department, it was only creasted to quell your fear.
I am the first president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
I am the first president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Elections Monitoring Board.
And this is the first time we've ever majorly disagreed with them.
I rendered the entire United Nations viewpoints irrelevant.Did you really think we cared, or anyone cared, what the UN though? Wake up, bud.
I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most resented country in the world, possibly the largest failure of diplomacy in World history.
Talk the talk but can't walk the walk.
I am first president in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.Yes, let's worry about pissing off Europe.
I am the first U.S. president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the U.S. than by their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
Don't know what you mean.
I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
See, it's funny 'cause you whine about taking away freedoms and liberities!
I failed to fulfill my pledge to capture Osama Bin Laden, dead or alive.
Sad but true. Why don't you go find him yourself, asshole?
I failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the U.S. Capitol Building. Even after 18 months I have no leads and no credible suspects.
Yep, you shoulda found that anonymous letter dude! Even though there's 250 million people in the US!
I was AWOL from the National Guard.
Not true, check straightdope.com
I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.
The President shouldn't have to. Even if he did do drugs, it sahouldn't matter now.
I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.
In my first year in office over 2-million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
I am the first president in U.S. history to have almost all 50 states of the Union simultaneously suffer massive financial crisis.
I entered my office with the strongest economy in U.S. history and have turned every single economic category downward -- all in less than two years.


SEPTEMBVER 11TH WASD ALL BUSHES FAULT!!!!!11

The rest is more or less true. It woulda been kinda realevant if it wasn't one-sided and hypocritical. And vy the way, the_Danarchrist, my post wasn't directed at you, though it does sound that way. :P

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Grimm said:

If you got handed the biggest tragedy in US history, you'd need a break too

Yes, vacationing right at the time we need decision-making and leadership the most. Right on.

No fucking way that could have been stopped

Unless maybe they payed attention to the warnings.

Heh, dunno what that means, but what's your point?

It means he was behind developing Weapons of Mass Destruction to attack countries for having Weapons of Mass Destruction. And you talk about hypocracy.

UN . . . joke. World community = Europe? Yep, if they weren't backing us we'd be fucked. Oh no, wait, we'd be fine.
...
And this is the first time we've ever majorly disagreed with them.
...
Did you really think we cared, or anyone cared, what the UN though? Wake up, bud.
...
Yes, let's worry about pissing off Europe.

Oh yes, lets just piss on the concerns of other countries and their people because you know what? America is #1 and we're predestined to rule the world!

Talk the talk but can't walk the walk.

What?

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Just a few points to pick at...

I attacked and overtook two countries.
that were fucking with us

It's questionable that their actions deserved our attacks.

I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people) shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.
Yes, he's an eviiiiiiiiiiilllllllll man! Oh, wait, there's 6 billion humans on Earth . . . ?

It never said he was evil... it's just stating he's had a record number of protestors.

I am the first president in U.S. history to order a pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the United Nations and the world community
Yep, and if they had attacked us, shame on him for not stopping it! UN . . . joke. World community = Europe? Yep, if they weren't backing us we'd be fucked. Oh no, wait, we'd be fine.
...
I am the first president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
I am the first president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Elections Monitoring Board.
And this is the first time we've ever majorly disagreed with them.
...
I rendered the entire United Nations viewpoints irrelevant.Did you really think we cared, or anyone cared, what the UN though? Wake up, bud.
...
I am first president in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.Yes, let's worry about pissing off Europe.

News flash: the US isn't the only important country in the world and it has no right to do whatever the hell it pleases. The UN is supposed to represent the global community, and it's generally a bad thing to tell the global community to piss off. You should probably rethink your opinions on this issue.

I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most resented country in the world, possibly the largest failure of diplomacy in World history.
Talk the talk but can't walk the walk.

Not quite sure what you mean by that.

I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.
The President shouldn't have to. Even if he did do drugs, it sahouldn't matter now.

You're right, if he did do them then that's in the past. The point is that we need to be able to trust our President. How can we do that if he hides things from us?

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EllipsusD said:

News flash: the US isn't the only important country in the world and it has no right to do whatever the hell it pleases. The UN is supposed to represent the global community, and it's generally a bad thing to tell the global community to piss off. You should probably rethink your opinions on this issue.


Despite what is found on this rather liberal board, alot of people across the states supported the idea of disagreeing with the UN on an issue.

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Ralphis said:
Despite what is found on this rather liberal board, alot of people across the states supported the idea of disagreeing with the UN on an issue.

Perhaps... but is that the kind of opinion that you want people to have?

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I am sure there have been worse, and will be. personaly i know he has screwed up alot. but i am sure he has gotten alot done. blame the politacal setup that allowed it. nothing really gets done here because 2 sides are always trying to "one up" the other, wasting money. its just as old as dirt, the same power struggles as past great nations

the united states of rome

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I probably wouldn't have voted for Bush, but I approve of most of what he has done.

The UN is not a world government, as demonstrated by the fact that it has no real power to enforce its wishes unless individual countries are willing to do so on its behalf.

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Sephiroth said:

nothing really gets done here because 2 sides are always trying to "one up" the other, wasting money.

What's worse is that both sides are exactly the same, except for the fact that they want to take away different freedoms.

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ugh, i always hear people say bush is the greatest president ever, or the worst one ever. people need to wake up and realize he's just another ok president.

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sargebaldy said:

ugh, i always hear people say bush is the greatest president ever, or the worst one ever. people need to wake up and realize he's just another ok president.

Or maybe they just all suck.

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Good presidents (IMHO):
Abraham Lincoln
Franklin D. Roosevelt

The rest I'm not so sure about. But then, history isn't really my area of expertise, and politics certainly isn't.

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heh, i think FDR was popular at the time, but now he's left us with his 'legacy' of social security which turned out to be a massive failure, since people have learned to save money on their own and thus old people are already the richest. plus you don't get nearly as much money back out of it as what you put into it, unless you happen to live to 100. basically he was just trying everything to get us out of the depression, but by fixing things for the present he messed up things for future generations.

imho lincoln and jefferson were our two best.

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I thought they changed the White House e-mailing system recently so that you couldn't just e-mail them directly.

Regarding the economic indicators Nanami linked to earlier in this thread: there is another way of looking at it. You could argue that Clinton inherited a strengthening economy, and left behind a weakening one. A change in leader doesn't cause instant changes, after all.

That's not to say that the Clinton presidency wasn't necessarily successful though (indeed, my impression is that it was a successful presidency). It may well be that the surplus built up in his years indicated that the very best was made of the favourable situation, and that a downturn was inevitable in the end no matter what. I'd just caution against interpreting these figures too much at face value. Seriously, do you think this downturn wouldn't have occurred if the Democrats had remained in power?

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Grazza said:

I'd just caution against interpreting these figures too much at face value.

yeah, i don't think those show too much either. signs of a recession were popping up at the end of clinton's term and had been widely expected for a while (there seemed to be a political cartoon every day about how stocks were going up while at the same time e-businesses weren't making any money).

and not only did he inherit an incoming recession, soon 9/11 and accounting scandals came to light, thrashing everything to hell. as the economy did well in the 90s, minimum wages were increased a lot, and when the recession broke out in full force businesses couldn't afford to pay as much as they were, thus major unemployment broke out.

i'm not saying bush has treated the economy well (fiscal policies (e.g. tax cuts) have been proven to be too ineffective and slow to be good for the economy), but i don't think his presidency has had much of an impact on the economy. really, it's just righting itself out now after a period of illegally inflated stock prices and stupid people risking money on businesses that were and always had been losing money.

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the_Danarchist said:

I say Carter and Jefferson.

I wish Kennedy didn't die.

...And listen to Apollo by The Alan Parsons Project.

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sargebaldy said:

which one? =P

I wish Bobby would have been president. :(

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About the president on dope debacle:

President who have been on dope previously, but have stopped: Not necessarily a bad thing.

President on dope while in office: A bad thing.

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Grimm said:

Stuff


You're blind, kthx.

"OMG LETS WORRY ABOUT PISSING OFF EUROPE"

I think we should. You may say "fuck Europe" but I say that we're all human beings and we should be working together, which is what the UN is about. Currently, Bush is giving the UN the finger and going Cowboy on us, which I don't fucking want. Honestly, I don't see the need to provoke as much of the world as we can. I sure as fuck don't want to be feeling any backlashes a few years down the road, like with *gasp* Afghanistan, whom we helped by giving them supplies. Now look, we've come in and fucked them up and now nobody gives a shit about them.

Bush is taking this country to Hell, and I don't want to go with it. Fuck him, if anybody votes for him in 2004 if he tries to run, they should be beaten with chains.

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the_Danarchist said:

stuff


Rofl. George Wanker Bush definitely fails it.

It's funny because all that stuff is true - I bet the real one has precisely 0% similarity with this one...

Although it fails to mention that he went to war on the orders of the oil and construction companies and their greedy scrabble for yet more profits. And I wouldn't be surprised if he bribed whoever ran the elections in 2000 to fix the outcome in his favour by stopping all the soldiers serving abroad from voting (for Gore). Americans in high places are so susceptible to being bought it's untrue.

Let's hope the American public have seen through him and elect the democrat candidate instead. Although I'm sure the current administration will have something to say (and do) about that...

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