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No, I'm not what's-His-Name

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No, sorry, unless he's my illigitimate half-brother. My dad, Ob1kenob, had only two kids that I know of, me and my older brother, Ob2kenob. I'm the poor but brainy one.

We don't talk about Ob2 much, since he went over to the Dark Side, gained power and prestige telling other people where to go and when to get off (he went into politics) and has become so rich and famous that he's just one big embaressment.

The fellow you refer to may have been concieved that time Dad went to Mos Eisley and got drunk on zap juice while trying to get a bargain on (contraband) light saber parts. Instead, he got rooked and spent the night with the town whore, Nancy, trying to ease the pain - and further lightened the bank account.

We were dead broke for moons, and I had to work two jobs to make ends meet, moonlighting as a mechanic for the very guy who took my dad to the cleaners - some jerk named Solo - since his shop had the only part-time opening for second shift I could find. During the day I worked at my regular job for UAC as a draftsman on the plans for their new glass making facility near Mos Eisley. The whole incident was very humiliating.

Anyway, toward the end of the season Nancy had a man-child. She put the baby in an orphanage over in Wemadeit, but he ran away at the age of fourteen and was never heard of again. Until now, maybe. If you ever run into him, ask him if his mother was named Nancy and if he's got a clue as to who his father was. If he answers "yes" and "no" drop me a line so I can get in touch. I often wondered what became of him. Good luck!

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I'm afraid there was no Ob4kenob. Dad took a vow of celebacy shortly after the above incident. And now, to save money, he drinks Bork Juice (C), which I think is worse than zap juice, but at least it's less expensive. I guess if he's got to drink something, the cheaper the better. Just so I never have to have to work for that Solo character again!

As you may have gathered, Dad's no help with the finances, living in the past as he does, remembering the glory of the Republic and how he used to save civilization as we know it single-handedly whenever he was sober enough. Ask him to do something practical, however, and it's a different story. Taking out the trash is about his limit. Yeah.

Well, I may be no Jedi, but that's just as well, since the call for Jedis is low, and I'm making a decent living as a draftsman. At least it's steady work. I hear the UAC is having trouble on a place called Mars, wherever that is, but it hasn't affected their plans here, so i'm doing OK.

If you're asking about Ob2kenob, however, maybe I can find something out for you. As I said, he's the dark horse in our family, and we don't talk about him much - or to him at all, but I read the news and can't help hearing things. By the time it gets out here to the back end of nowhere it's all old stuff, so whatever I tell you will be stale.

Last I heard, he'd finagled the Emperor into financing a power play in some technologically backward corner of the universe by a guy named Sauron. I think it was Sauron. Maybe it was Saruman. As I remember it, the place this Sauron/Saruman guy is making a grab for doesn't even have telephones, and so what Ob2 hopes to gain from the adventure I don't know. But if the Emperor's involved, there's sure to be a buck to made somewhere, you can bet your boots on it. That's typical of the sort of thing old Bro gets into. Why doesn't he deal with people with regular names, like Joe Smith?

As for getting in touch with him, well, we'll see. He never comes to visit after the last time, when Dad charged him rent on his old room - at scalper's rates, too, and made him pay extra for meals, water, clean sheets, and to use the toilet.

Can't really blame Bro for leaving in a huff, I guess, though I wish he'd come back. We could use the money.

PS - Re-reading your question: maybe I got off on the wrong track. Is it our dog you want to hear about? If so, you've got the name wrong. We named the dog Indiana.

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