Ways to spot a Doom newbie after Doom 3

[deathbringer]

I couldnt find the old thread..

"The sky is the wrong colour"

"The imps look gay"

"The demons look gay"

"The *whatever* looks gay"

"Where is the assault rifle?"

"I got the soul sphere but i cant use it"

"The cyberdemon? is that like the pink demons but with mechanical legs like in doom 3?"

"The UAC computers dont work"

"Am i in delta or gamma labs?"

"How do you get to delta/gamma labs?"

"I cant open the crates"

"Theres no glass in the windows, but the air isnt escaping"

"Is doom set on mars and doom 2 set in hell?"

"Is doom set on mars and doom 2 set in the alien's home planet?"

"I cant use my grenades!"

"My punches make bullet puffs, do i already have a beserk pack?"

"Headshots dont work"

"How do i put in lights when im making maps?"

"Where are the save points?"

"This is gay, HL2 OWNZ!"

[NiGHTMARE]

"Why are there no curved surfaces? In fact, there don't even seem to be any slopes!"

"Why do the models look so strange? They almost seem 2D or something!"

"Where are the Trites/Cherubs/Chainsaw Zombies/etc?"

"Why won't the Arch-Vile summon in monsters?"

"Why does the music sound like crap?", or even better "Music? WTF?!?"

[Fredrik]

NiGHTMARE said:

"Why does the music sound like crap?", or even better "Music? WTF?!?"

Better yet, "Why does the music sound like a fruit machine?"

[wildweasel]

After pointing said newbies to JDoom, I envision:

"100 megs for models? This should have them already if it's any good!"

"These textures look like crap!"

"You guys still PLAY this?"

[Hyena]

"I shot that monster (the yellow one with the fire hands) with all the different weapons and he dies the same everytime."
"I can gib zombies with the rocket launcher but not the super shotgun. I tried to gib a corpse but I can't figure out the button to look down."

[The Ultimate DooMer]

Why are the graphics so crap?

Why can I not look up, down and all around?

Why is the sound crap?

Why can I fall 10,000 ft and not take any damage?

Why do I keep missing this pink pixelated mess in front of me when I punch it?

[DarkWolf]

The game contains 1 episode, it says I have to order the rest? Is that like an expansion pack or something?

[LexiMax]

This thread will give me nightmares for years to come. Thanks a lot.

Also:

"Doom DM doesn't compare to Unreal Tounrament 2k4!!!!!"

dieplezkthx

[ShadowRunner]

Uh if this game is new u guys wasted ur money.
That would be the worst.

[Ultraviolet]

which number weapon is the gravity gun

[Chopkinsca]

'For a school assignment this game is pretty good'

'what? it's not an assigment someone did for their computer class?'


hmmm... could apply to newbies to several games (RTCW compared to old school).

'How come everything spins around when I try to look at the back of it? Is my video card broken?"

[Ultraviolet]

wtf i cant get past 35 fps but im using a radeon 9800

[NiGHTMARE]

"Who the hell is John Romero?"

[Graf Zahl]

wildweasel-r3000 said:

"You guys still PLAY this?"

Sadly I hear this on occasion even now. Some people just don't know what is a good game.

[Coopersville]

"The monsters don't even look the same"

[Fusion]

"OMG these graphics look like ass, why would anyone play this when they could play doom3?"
I could definately see someone saying that..

[DooMBoy]

"So.....is this Doom3 a racing game, or RTS, or what?"

[insertwackynamehere]

Doom III? What were the first 2?

[Graveyard Disciple]

Graf Zahl had this to say, "Sadly I hear this on occasion even now. Some people just don't know what is a good game.". And I agree; unfortunately the Atari/NES/SNES/DOS generation old school gamers are dieing. All that people see now a days is "How much VRAM does this game take" instead of the game play. All that graphics are is stuff to enhance game play, like the frosting on a cake. People have forgotten that fact; they have mistaken quantity for quality. I hope they rot in hell where they belong. Most of them don't even know that without Doom none of thier FPSes would be around.

[Chopkinsca]

insertwackynamehere said:

Doom III? What were the first 2?

Similar:
"Doom 3? What does the 3 mean?"

[dr_st]

insertwackynamehere said:

Doom III? What were the first 2?

Just another reason why DOOM3 should have never been made.

[Lutrov71]

Why do you come back to life when you die? That STUPID! I want a realistic game!

[KCat]

Ultimate Doom? Is that like a prequel or something?

[Lutrov71]

"Why is the Spider Masterminds brain so big?"

[Disorder]

'OMG! No physics!??'

[Mr. Woot]

OMG I KEEP SHOOTING THE BLUE flashing KEY thing BUT IT WONT DIE!! WHAT IS IT???OMG!!!!!

[dr_st]

Mr. Woot said:

OMG I KEEP SHOOTING THE BLUE flashing KEY thing BUT IT WONT DIE!! WHAT IS IT???OMG!!!!!

Now that's plain dumb.

[Mr. Woot]

heh.of course it is, but there are programs to make the blue key shootable..........

[Tetzlaff]

deathbringer said:

"The cyberdemon? is that like the pink demons but with mechanical legs like in doom 3?"

But Doom3 will also have the Cyberdemon afaik, so ...

[Rubilacxe]

insertwackynamehere said:

Doom III? What were the first 2?

This would make me cry ;)