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AndrewB

Report on Immorality

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February 3, 2004 14:16.46 GMT


A report released on Monday by the International Census Bureau (ICB) claims that immorality rates have been growing at an alarming rate over the past several years.

Warman Karsay, the head of the ICB's focus group on worldwide immorality stated the findings in a press conference in Olso, Norway.

"Immoral attitudes were found to have increased by an average of 1.3 percent per year since 1995. This contrasts to an average increase of 0.2 percent per year between 1945 and 1995."

The report also detailed the different levels of immorality among countries and racial demographics. Western countries, particularly U.S.A. and Canada, are taking the biggest hit in the immorality epidemic. The U.S. was said to sink into immorality by a rate of 3.7 percent per year since 1995. Canada is said to have become immoral by an average of a whopping 4.8 percent per year in the same time span. The only other country in the world with a greater rate of increase is Sweden, which sits at 5.4 percent per year. Surprisingly enough, dark-skinned races noticed the lowest increase in immorality, with 0.6% and 0.7% for African-American and East Indian, respectively. Asians tip the other side of the scale with an average increase of 2.5%.

Religious groups around the world are praising the findings of the ICB's report.

"It's about time that a reputable organization stepped forward and warned the world about the coming of Satan," said Pat Lawrence, chairman of the Wise Choice Group of America (WCGA).

"Terrorism is on the rise. Murderers and rapists are being acquitted due to lack of evidence. Homosexuality is becoming increasingly tolerated. Euthanasia isn't being fought with the same fierceness as it once was. Things are falling apart in the world, and we're all relying on someone reputable to step forword and face the invasion of Satan head-on."

Bernard Winston, head pastor at Toronto's Lutheran Academy of Learning, shared the concerns of many other religious groups. "In my fifteen years of teaching young, bright minds, I have witnessed the increase in immorality among children, and it really concerns me."

Bernard has been a church owner and devout Lutheran since the fall of the German empire. In May of 2002, he survived an arsonist attack on his home. The fire destroyed over 1,200 pages of his own sermons, and took the life of his mother, a devout residential school operator who required mechanical assistance to breathe.

He went on to say "Society is rapidly embracing Satan's lies to the point that almost nothing evil happening will surprise me anymore. Was Sodom and Gomorrah much worse than our society is today when God judged them?"

The news hasn't passed undetected in most of America's central states, commonly referred to as the "Bible Belt."

The Michigan Militia has announced that it plans on setting up several "anti-Satan fringe groups" in response to the news.

Ray Southwell, the leader of the gun hobbyist group, was contacted by phone on Tuesday. "I've always felt that the devil was hurting our children in one way or another, and this just tips the scales for me."

When asked what exactly he planned to do to combat the increase in immorality, he quipped "We've restrained ourselves and acted very professionally in the past. It's always been the best way to deal with it, but not anymore."

"Evil exists in many forms: In our wives, our children, and even our pets. Sometimes it takes drastic measures truly help someone. These findings speak volumes to me. Take my word, we're not going to take this sitting down. It's going to be bloody."

The findings were not without confusion, however. When contacted about the results of the report, Nadine Strossen, head of the ACLU said "I can't figure out the nature of this report. It just doesn't make any sense."

This likely won't be a setback for mainstream Christians. A general consensus rings out among the right that it's high time to "exorcise" their society of a growing evil. Many feel that it's time to be proactive, and that people who are "confused" by the report are not people who are fit to run a proper society.

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THE END OF THE WORLD IS NIGH!

GO BACK TO YOUR FAMILIES, TELL EACH OTHER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM!

WE HAVE LITTLE TIME LEFT IN THIS WORLD!

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I read the first 3 paragraphs before realizing it said "immorality", not "immortality".

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A report released on Monday by the International Census Bureau (ICB) claims that immorality rates have been growing at an alarming rate over the past several years.

Warman Karsay, the head of the ICB's focus group on worldwide immorality stated the findings in a press conference in Olso, Norway.

"Immoral attitudes were found to have increased by an average of 1.3 percent per year since 1995. This contrasts to an average increase of 0.2 percent per year between 1945 and 1995."


“Immoral attitudes” By who’s standards of morality? They must be using one those fancy moral-o-meters! ‘hmm... I’m picking up a morality reading of 5.3% ’ I mean how else could any of that make any sense at all?

The report also detailed the different levels of immorality among countries and racial demographics. Western countries, particularly U.S.A. and Canada, are taking the biggest hit in the immorality epidemic. The U.S. was said to sink into immorality by a rate of 3.7 percent per year since 1995. Canada is said to have become immoral by an average of a whopping 4.8 percent per year in the same time span. The only other country in the world with a greater rate of increase is Sweden, which sits at 5.4 percent per year. Surprisingly enough, dark-skinned races noticed the lowest increase in immorality, with 0.6% and 0.7% for African-American and East Indian, respectively. Asians tip the other side of the scale with an average increase of 2.5%.


Oh god! Not Canada! Not Sweden! Who the hell cares if the UN says they are fine places to live with little crime, and next to no poverty.

Religious groups around the world are praising the findings of the ICB's report.

"It's about time that a reputable organization stepped forward and warned the world about the coming of Satan," said Pat Lawrence, chairman of the Wise Choice Group of America (WCGA).


I think you mean fundamentalist Religious groups.

"Terrorism is on the rise. Murderers and rapists are being acquitted due to lack of evidence. Homosexuality is becoming increasingly tolerated. Euthanasia isn't being fought with the same fierceness as it once was. Things are falling apart in the world, and we're all relying on someone reputable to step forword and face the invasion of Satan head-on."


Whoa!! Did you say ‘Terrorism’? Well that just multiplies the effectiveness of your augments by one billion, and nearly makes me forget that the rest of your ramblings make you sound like a suppositious right-wing lunatic.

Bernard Winston, head pastor at Toronto's Lutheran Academy of Learning, shared the concerns of many other religious groups. "In my fifteen years of teaching young, bright minds, I have witnessed the increase in immorality among children, and it really concerns me."

Bernard has been a church owner and devout Lutheran since the fall of the German empire. In May of 2002, he survived an arsonist attack on his home. The fire destroyed over 1,200 pages of his own sermons, and took the life of his mother, a devout residential school operator who required mechanical assistance to breathe.

He went on to say "Society is rapidly embracing Satan's lies to the point that almost nothing evil happening will surprise me anymore. Was Sodom and Gomorrah much worse than our society is today when God judged them?"


Newspeak. They say ‘immorality’ they mean ‘not a fundamentalist Christian’

The news hasn't passed undetected in most of America's central states, commonly referred to as the "Bible Belt."

The Michigan Militia has announced that it plans on setting up several "anti-Satan fringe groups" in response to the news.


‘anti-Satan fringe groups’? I think ‘anti-lunatic fringe groups’ might be a better idea.

Ray Southwell, the leader of the gun hobbyist group, was contacted by phone on Tuesday. "I've always felt that the devil was hurting our children in one way or another, and this just tips the scales for me."

When asked what exactly he planned to do to combat the increase in immorality, he quipped "We've restrained ourselves and acted very professionally in the past. It's always been the best way to deal with it, but not anymore."


Is that a threat Mr. gun hobbyist?

"Evil exists in many forms: In our wives, our children, and even our pets. Sometimes it takes drastic measures truly help someone. These findings speak volumes to me. Take my word, we're not going to take this sitting down. It's going to be bloody."


It's going to be bloody!?! Sound like he’s planning some very moral actives.

The findings were not without confusion, however. When contacted about the results of the report, Nadine Strossen, head of the ACLU said "I can't figure out the nature of this report. It just doesn't make any sense."

This likely won't be a setback for mainstream Christians. A general consensus rings out among the right that it's high time to "exorcise" their society of a growing evil. Many feel that it's time to be proactive, and that people who are "confused" by the report are not people who are fit to run a proper society.


Indeed. Any sain human can see that theses rednecks are planing something stupid.

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AndrewB said:

February 3, 2004 14:16.46 GMT
"Evil exists in many forms: In our wives, our children, and even our pets. Sometimes it takes drastic measures truly help someone. These findings speak volumes to me. Take my word, we're not going to take this sitting down. It's going to be bloody."


We must kill Fifi before he destroys our SOULS. Bad Dog!

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Arioch said:

THE END OF THE WORLD IS NIGH!

GO BACK TO YOUR FAMILIES, TELL EACH OTHER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM!

WE HAVE LITTLE TIME LEFT IN THIS WORLD!

THE END IS VERY FUCKING NIGH!

Oh, and yes, this news story reeks of the stupid. Anyone got any other sources on this?

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Heh, that would make a great story, "Immortality on the Rise." Geez, I really hope this is some sort of sick joke. Otherwise, I just might have to go immoral on some fundamentalists' asses. Jerks... Regardless of this story, why do they always think they get to tell everyone else what's right and what's wrong? What the heck makes them think they know any better than anyone else the difference between good and evil? Personally, I think their vicious intolerance of other beliefs is extremely immoral, but try telling them that. I hope they burn in hell.

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Hard to be moral when people don't believe in consequences for their actions. And I'm not talking about prison.

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Evil exists in many forms: In our wives, our children, and even our pets. Sometimes it takes drastic measures truly help someone. These findings speak volumes to me. Take my word, we're not going to take this sitting down. It's going to be bloody."


OH NOS! lock up your kittens

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geekmarine said:

Heh, that would make a great story, "Immortality on the Rise." Geez, I really hope this is some sort of sick joke. Otherwise, I just might have to go immoral on some fundamentalists' asses. Jerks... Regardless of this story, why do they always think they get to tell everyone else what's right and what's wrong? What the heck makes them think they know any better than anyone else the difference between good and evil? Personally, I think their vicious intolerance of other beliefs is extremely immoral, but try telling them that. I hope they burn in hell.


The real question is, what gives you the right to tell them what isn't right?

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So where's the part where you mention Duncan Mcleod, the Highlander?

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Right after the part about the eerie green sphere, the glowing chess rook, and the sarcophagus.

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Oh come on, Ralphis. Maybe you've got a point, in which case both I and they are wrong. On the other hand, I would only be wrong for pointing out that they're wrong. Ugh, this is just giving me a headache. As for pets, is anyone aware of just how many kittens die every day because of our collective immorality? It's a really serious problem.

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moderator said:

moderated

heil hitler!
no really, who are these nazis?
the whole anit-satan fringe sounds great if you are a bat shit insane moron that smokes 2 pounds of crack loaded with toad extract.

relgion + nutballs + goverment + guns = FUCK

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Ralphis said:

The real question is, what gives you the right to tell them what isn't right?

Claiming to be absolutely right on anything is the first step to ignorance.

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