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Fred Teh Imp IV: The Tragedy

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This thread is in honor of my 2500th post. Cyb messed up the postcounts and I didn't get to do something special last time, so here I am again.

Fred Teh Imp, Part IV: The Tragedy

I am an imp. I am an imp named Fred. Not Sam, not Larry, Fred. Fred the imp. This is my story.

Back when I was in Hell High, I was a pretty popular imp. My girlfriend, Galäzhgrül was by all accounts the cutest and most popular she-imp in the school (and damn did she have nice spikes!). Every day after class we'd meet at the compound and eat scrambled human fetuses together, and stare at the beautiful ashes floating around in the sky. But that day--oh God I remember that day so well--that day she wasn't where she said she'd be.. and the silence surprised me... I just realized I hadn't seen any chaingun zombies when I walked in, but I wasn't worried. Hell security was as tight as a cyberdemon's ass and as sharp-eyed as a caco. But even as I deluded myself with such thoughts I heard a sound in the distance, moans. I didn't like what I heard but I kept walking. In the distance I saw something.. something green, lying in the grass. A Doom Marine! And soon I could seem something brown, as I noticed the Doom Marine start to move, faster and faster, I realized the horrible truth.

"Galäzhgrül", I screamed. "Baby, I'm coming!!"

I ran, ran like I never had before, but it wasn't enough. The Doom Marine pushed Galäzhgrül off of him like a rag. He looked at her in her beautiful demonic face, and then he twisted it.. as if it were only a Satan-screw, he twisted it to face her back and then let the body slump. If I could have ran any faster than I was already, I would have. But it was game over, and I had lost. The Doom Marine had escaped... no one deserves easy escape after doing something so evil. When I got to Galäzhgrül's corpse, I wept for hours, and then ate her body. As I was about to leave, I noticed something shiny in the hellberry bushes... it was a dog-tag. I grinned. This Doom Marine isn't going to get away. This "Taylor" is going to regret he ever went to Hell in the first place.

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OMG!!!!!!!11111111 A FUCKEN MASTERPEICE!!!!!!1111111111

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dsm said:

OMG!!!!!!!11111111 A FUCKEN MASTERPEICE!!!!!!1111111111

Finally, someone outside of Australia, who types it as "fucken".

I thought we were alone.

All alone.

So cold and lonely.


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