My new Fan fic

[Weakmind]

I want to know if you like this or not:



Into Hell and Back


Intro


Earth, Washington D.C., White house:



Secretary of State: “Mister President, I need to tell you something very important. It is about these “portals” that have sprang up across the world.”

President: “Yes, what is it?”

SS: “Well sir, there is no other way to put this, but they have become active.”

P: “What do you mean by active?”

SS: “Well, the have opened, and we seem to be tracing large groups of... demons! They are heading to the opening... It’s just terrible!”

P: “Terrible? Demons? How many are there?”

SS: “Ah..er... well; intel says that the are tracking at least 5 million zombie like life forms. and at least 12 million non human life forms... 12 million demons from Hell itself!

P: “Dear god... No! It can’t be happening”

SS: “Mister President, I request that you inform the people.”

Intro 2



The TV blares! “ We interrupt this program for braking news!” A newsman appears. We have interrupted your programming to announce an order that the president has said: (audio message flicks on, and picture of the president appears on the screen.) “Ladies, gentlemen, i am sending out an order as your president. It is that every one is to stay at home, lock your doors and windows, and keep something near by to protect yourself with! The broadcast ended, and suddenly, the National Alarm service came on, and the sirens blared!



Chapter 1
The Occurrence


Mass panic... that was what it was. People in the screaming when the reports came in. Hundreds dead, missing, eaten! A man was standing in the street shouting that Armageddon was open use, and he was right. There were some camera shots of the “things”, shots of them running in herds, destroying everything. So much death, so much destruction.

The army had organized, coming into communities, arresting people for there own safety. Complete mayhem. The “things” had swooped from the west, killing every thing, or turning people into true monsters. For what the people didn’t know, was that life was going to rest in the hands of one man, the same way it had 50 years earlier. For This truly was Hell on Earth!

“Move that line up!”
“Load the cannon!”
“Run for your lives!”

These were all screams shared by civilians, officers, soldiers, and everyone.

4:50:30 PM- The news media shutdown, the stored, the power, life shutdown. You stand up, a lonely man, only 20 years old. You get your shotgun and rifle... your shots and bullets, and you head out... to kill some “things”... No... some demons!
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$%&^@HGJgd496*@5f5)@!\\/=-*+2234 DHA
/’’^*#6ÁÁÁkijjaehf effren ity kon mundo#ÔÓÍQRHJQ3784... (THE BROKEN MESSAGE FROM SOME UNKNOWN PLACE.) From another dimension.

IT is soon discovered that The demons are the same that invaded Phobos. The same that invaded Earth 200 years before... and the same as the ones that invaded the Secret Jupiter Base 50 years before.
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I hope that every one like it... i want some comments.. please

[Weakmind]

Comments please?

[Weakmind]

Awwww! Nobody wants to play with me! ha ha Please read my story people, i not , i will be emotionaly damaged forever!

[Chopkinsca]

Too much hollywood dialogue.
I quickly read the first part, then skimmed the rest.

But some people like hollywood dialogue.

[dsm]

*Sigh* ok.

I don't like to be the bearer of bad news, but I have to be honest here.
I started reading the story and found the dialogue to be too ridiculously clichéed for my tastes - I simply couldn't get myself to read it all.

Alone the fact that the Secretary of State already calls these "never-before-seen-by-human-eyes" aliens for "demons"...well, in Strong Bad's words: "Kinda stung my eyes!"
Let's get it clear just for the record: The Doomguy is the only one who knows/believes the hellspawn are demons - to anyone "uninitiated" the demons are just a bunch of horrific aliens. There's no way others could tell right away: "They're demons!"
Sure, they may gradually adopt that term for them due to their demonic appearance, but so early in the invasion it makes no sense.

I managed to struggle my way through the rest of it and I have one question: What's with all those ideas of demons invading Earth 200 years after Doom 2?

The way you describe the mass panic was ok I think, so the story isn't without positives.

[Weakmind]

Well, the talking is alittle over the top i must say.

I called the things demons, becuase the government knows what they are. And becuase they look like demons. I am also saying that the demons are invading again, becuase they know the Doomguy is dead, and want to take over the world.

In my next chapter, there will be less talking, more action and deat, and maybe the introduction of a few new Demanic faces... I hope you like it : dsm. Do you think i should continue, or just stop here? (I will try to make it more interesting!)

[dsm]

Weakmind said:

In my next chapter, there will be less talking, more action and deat, and maybe the introduction of a few new Demanic faces... I hope you like it : dsm. Do you think i should continue, or just stop here? (I will try to make it more interesting!)

Well, you can't evolve your imagination and writing skills if you don't practice so go ahead - just promise me you won't cry if people don't like it, ok? ;-)

Oh, and my negative criticism was nothing personal by any means.

[Weakmind]

dsm said:

just promise me you won't cry if people don't like it, ok? ;-)

Oh, and my negative criticism was nothing personal by any means.

I won't cry, and i don't take it personally.