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Demon Hunter

Demon Hunter (new version)

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This week was the best one of my life. I had finally seen Fear Factory in concert. But today was Monday, June 10, 2004 a brand new week. I was at my local skate park. I approached the lip of the pool and placed the trucks of my board on the edge of the pool. Somehow I screwed up and fell. Hard. Hey, my name is Steve. I’m a biker, and skater. If you need a visual, I’m 6’1”, kind of muscular, and have blondish, brown hair.
It was like 6:30 or so. The Las Vegas sky was tinted like an artist’s orange, red and purple canvas. As the sun set behind the huge mountains on the horizon, it turned the huge clouds in the sky black. I was skating with my buddies Dave, Bam, and Mike at the skate park near my apartment. I tried a new grind that I had nearly killed myself with once. As I approached the rail on the 20 stair, I ollied the board into the air and landed the rear truck on the rail like a 5-0 grind except you grab the nose of the board and heel flip as you exit the rail. After several bails and spills I finally perfected it. A friend of mine was filming a skate video. He said that was the coolest part so far. I have not given this trick a name yet. It was starting to get dark so I went home. I decided to walk home instead of skate. I tried to find a way home that no one else used. I like to be alone sometimes.
On the way home I passed my girlfriend Samantha’s house. She is so beautiful. She is about 5’7, and has long blonde hair. She is the perfect companion for me. I could delve into how we’re different and how we’re the same…
….but writers who do that are lame and I’m not lame. But I will tell you she likes any rock band that doesn’t suck.
Some of the bands we like are Evanescence, Fear Factory, Metallica, TOOL, A Perfect Circle, and Linkin Park, Audioslave. And, yes, preppy bands will always suck. Getting back to reality I was on my way home. I took my CD player out of my back pack, put my headphones on and pushed play. I was currently listening to Fear Factory’s Archetype. I skipped it ahead to track 1. Soon it started to rain. The rain fell like tears form Heaven. As soon as I got home I heard the same old question: and the same reply: I was out skating. I mean it’s the only thing I ever do. I live in a terribly suburban neighborhood. Cowardly gangbangers roamed the streets trying to assert their bravery by beating each other up over a chic that’d never date them. Almost everyone owned an SUV that cleared the ground by about ten feet. Needless to say, suburbia sucks ass. I hate living here. The mountainous and industrial areas of town are not to far away from my neighborhood, so I could escape from the retarded teenagers who fail to think correctly and bound around calling me “dogg”.
I ate dinner and then went to my room and started programming a game I had made for fun. It was based on the Doom engine and it had the player killing hundreds of pixilated computer generated hell beasts in no time. I got my browser to go to Google and looked up PlanetDoom.com and clicked the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button. Once at planet doom.com, I looked for editing tools and downloaded a program that lets you edit weapon animations and sounds. I have an insanely fast computer, but the file I needed to download was huge; this would be at least a 2 hour download. In the meantime, Samantha called me.
“Hey Steve,” she said. Samantha had a voice that could make anyone smile.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“Nothing. Did you finish that game for me?” she said
“Almost. But I need more time to work out all the bugs and errors,” I said. “Everything is all screwed up from something I did”.
“That’s cool. Hey, meet me at my house tomorrow before school and give me a ride”.
“No problem”, I said as I hung up the phone after saying goodbye.
I spent the rest of the night alternating between listening to “Coast to Coast A.M. with Art Bell” and programming my game. Art’s guest was some German dude with an unpronounceable name. He was talking about how there are more than 3 dimensional planes and that every third is just like ours except the life in every third plane gets more diverse. He also kept talking about this thing called a resonance cascade, what ever one is. I kept working on the game until I got bored. I saved all the programming I had just written.
I exited to the desktop with the familiar wallpaper of the marine from the game doom blasting a demonic monster in the face with a huge shotgun. I double clicked the Unreal Tournament icon stated an internet game with 12 other people and laid waste to each one of these “lamers” all night. They were relatively harder to beat, ‘cause this one dude just liked to jump around a lot. I was already on my twelfth frag, and this guy fat-hippie69 shot me on the head.
“I poned you!” he said on the chat box. Near my respawn point there was a chainsaw. I ran up to him and held the mouse button down. I dropped out of the match around 12:30 at night. I was really tired and my eyes felt as dry as two slivers of beef jerky. I set my clock for 6:30 a.m. and went to bed.
I woke to loud noise of an alarm clock blaring right in my ear. I tossed it across the room.
“Just five more minutes, man,” I said. I got out of bed, took a shower, and got dressed. I decided to take my bike to school. I had just painted it a glossy black. It turned out really cool. After eating breakfast, I went to get my bike. As I unlocked it, I briefly looked at the sky. The sky had taken on an ominous gray color. It looked like it was going to rain, which is always good because Las Vegas needs rain. Thinking nothing of it, I rode off to school. “Wasn’t I supposed to take some one to school,” I thought. I rode on to Samantha’s house.
“It’s about time you got here,” she said. “C’mon, man, let’s go”, she said as got on my pegs of my bike.
Later during another stifling school day

I saw my friend John Adam as I was putting some stuff in my locker.
“Hey Steve,” he said.
“Want to do something cool after school?”
“Sure, like what?”
“I wanted to check out this old run down warehouse that’s about a mile from the skate park.”
“Sure, I’ll try to get Samantha to go with us.”
“What ever, dude. See you after school”.
The next class I had was my favorite. It was computer programming and imaging.
“All right class continue working on your current project”, my nerdy sounding teacher said. My computer class was the last class I had. Today was Friday and I felt better already because the end of the school year was on Monday.
Later, after another stifling school day
“You guys ready?” said John Adam.
“Hey, where are we going?” Samantha asked.
“We’re going to check out this old warehouse”, I said. “It’s not too far from here. Like about 2 miles from here”.
“That sounds cool let’s go”, Samantha said…
Meanwhile, in a secret military installation code name S-4
Deep in the bowels of the secret base, area 51 was a simple office. The walls were a grayish color. In the middle was a plain office desk with an assortment of paperwork that was neatly in order. The person who worked in this office seemed rather concerned about what he saw on the piece of paper in front of him. It was a report of all the dimensional activity going on around our planet. The reason for such a report is to help prevent a resonance cascade (when all the matter in one dimensional plane collapses onto another plane. The resulting effect is cataclysmic). The report said there was good chance of one happening soon.

Meanwhile at the warehouse (before Steve gets there)…
A teleport like device deep within the warehouse starts sparking lightly. Then a red spiral develops in the center of it. Suddenly, green bolts of lightning start to shoot in all directions and several monsters start pouring out of the teleport. They looked very familiar for some reason….
“Hey, is that the warehouse we want?” I asked. This place was huge. It looked more like an abandoned construction site than a warehouse but there was a warehouse here.
“Sure is,” John Adam replied.
“What a friggin’ dump!” Samantha said.
“I agree,” I said.
As we rode up the warehouse, I felt a strong presence around this place. As we got closer, that presence grew stronger. I got off of my bike to look for an entrance. I found one on the left side if this building. I tried to knock it down. Ouch. After trying to knock the door down for 5th time which didn’t yield any results, John Adam gave me a crow bar.
“Here, try using this to break the lock off,” he said. I swung the crowbar downward as hard as I could. The warehouse looked like a huge garage with the huge sliding door on the front.
I managed to smash the lock off and kick the door down. The inside of this building was a mess. It had a dirt floor and tables were scattered about. Computers and computer parts were everywhere. Samantha and John Adam went to check out the armory. It was probably empty.
I wandered off elsewhere. I went to check the test labs. There were plenty of weird instruments in the building. Like canisters of this glowing green stuff, and these booths labeled “Dimensional Transport.” I decided against going in them. I found something else unusually creepy in this lab.
“Hey guys, come check this thing out!” I yelled.
“What is that thing?” John said in awe.
“You tell me.”
It was this red spiraling thing that was floating about 6 feet off the ground. The red orb was floating over this steel pad on the floor. I decided not to step on it.
“Um… what made that?” Samantha said as if… no way… one of the monsters from DOOM was right behind us! This thing was about 6’7”, had brownish skin, and was covered with thorns!!
“Guys, stand back I’ll handle this.” Steve, what the hell do you think you’re doing! I thought to myself. I saw a steel rod sticking out of the ground. I used all of my strength to break it so that it had jagged point. Being sort of an expert in swords, I kind of stabbed him twice in gut. It had no effect. His wounds just sealed right up on their own. He looked at me and then charged at Samantha. I was filled with anger. I ran as fast as I could and just beat the crap out of this…um…thing. It was almost defeated. I finished it with a very good sword combo. It fell to the ground with an ungodly and otherworldly scream. It hit the ground with a loud thud.
“Dude, I am so, getting out of this place!” John said as he ran out the door of the warehouse. I could hear his bike rocketing away in the distance.
“Hey, Steve, can I stay the night at your house?” she asked.
“Certainly,” I said.

Meanwhile at Area 51

There was a strange knock at the office door. The door had nothing written on it.
“Come in,” said the man firmly. The room wasn’t very well lit, so it was easy to make out the man’s silhouette. A man in military fatigues entered the room.
“Have you checked the reports lately? How could a resonance cascade even occur? We haven’t used those flawed teleports in years!” He sounded terrified. He knew what the catastrophes would be like. In the early days of teleport testing, several contacts to the other side were made. Our government knowing of this gave orders to the bases on Mars and its moon to begin testing the teleports on human test subjects. All of subjects came back either in several bloody lumps or insane with large surgical scars on their spines.
On one occasion, a military probe with a mounted camera was sent through the teleport. The images on the tape that the probe returned were quite disturbing. Deep in the background of the images there was definite castle-like architecture. There was fire every where. The last frame of the tape was of two gleaming red eyes in the far distance.
If the demons made to the Earth, all of the cities would be destroyed and burned to the ground.
The demons would eradicate the population in a matter of days. By the time the reality of what had hit us, all would be lost. But the man behind the desk didn’t care; he wanted someone who was brave enough to infiltrate the border dimension on his own. “And, sir.”
“Yes,” the man behind the desk said.
“The security cameras at the old Labs recorded something I think he might want to see.”
It was a tape of Steve killing the demon in the warehouse.
“Who is this kid?” the man asked. Steve was just the person the man was looking for.
“I don’t know”.
“Then go find out,” the man said.

Meanwhile in Steve’s life
When we got home we closed all the windows in the house and went into my room. I turned my stereo on. X-107.5 was on. Fear Factory’s song ‘Descent’ was playing. The cloudiness had gone away and now the late afternoon sun came in through the window in my room that I hadn’t closed because it had no blinds. My room was the biggest room in the house. I had it sound proofed so I could put my drums in there.
“How are we going to explain this, man?” she asked.
“We don’t,” I said, “the reason for keeping it a…well…um…I ‘m not really sure what to do on this matter”, I said.
Truthfully I was really unsure of what to think. I mean about an hour ago I had beaten the life out of a monster that exactly looks like the Imp from DOOM! I was thoroughly confused. We chilled out in my room. I started showing Samantha the game I was making. She liked it a lot. I guess that’s she made out with me for an hour.

Back to Area 51
“Sir I got the file on the kid in video,” said the marine.
“Excellent. Who is this kid?” the man said.
“His name is Steve, he is 15. It says he is behind a bit in school.”
“What else?”
“He is a black belt in several forms of karate, won 6 sharp shooting contests and likes to bike, skate, and sand board.”
“Excellent. I want him recruited immediately.”
“Yes, sir, right away, sir.”
“Oh, and on your way out, get me some of those chocolates I like so much”.
“Yes, sir” the marine said unenthused with a sigh.

Back in Steve’s world
I t was 8: 30 pm I felt safe enough to take Samantha home. “Want me to pick you up for school?”
“Dude, tomorrow is Saturday. See you later,” she said.
I went to my room and rested on my bed. I thought about Samantha for what seemed like forever. She is a goddess. She looks exactly like Rikku from Final Fantasy X. Her personality is very positive and upbeat. She can sing like an angel, too. She has kept me up for a few nights.
After a while I started up my computer to check my E-mail. There was one message in my inbox. It was titled “CONFIDENTAL”. I opened the letter. It said “Be at the alley behind the skate park. Come alone.”

The next day…
When I got to the alley no one was the- oww…I don’t think this was a smart idea (thud).
Back at Area 51
I woke up in this weird office. My head was throbbing and hurt terribly. I was sitting in front of a desk looking at this decrepit person.
“Did you know what you killed in that warehouse?” he asked me.
“Not really but I’m willing to find out”, I said.
“It all started with the discovery of extra dimensional travel. The bases on mars had begun unauthorized experiments with this form of travel. There were no problems at first, but when human survey team members entered the portal, well, most didn’t come back. The ones that did come back in one piece went insane, bludgeoning anything that moved”.
“And… how relevant am I tooo… any of this?”
“When we sent in a team of our best soldiers to their side and not one of them made it out. You alone managed to kill one of these creatures in less than one minute. If you are interested in hunting these things for us, just say yes.”
“Okay.” The next thing I remember is walking down this hallway and then I can’t remember anything after that.

The following morning…
I woke up in my bed and I felt like I had been in a gym for days. I ached all over. I finally got enough strength to get out of bed and looked in the mirror. My muscles were huge all the sudden and I no longer felt exhausted.
“This is odd.” I went to my closet.
“Since when did my closet become an armory?” I said out loud. This was creepy. My closet was filled with guns of all types.
“Let me guess. There is probably body armor under my bed.”
“WHOA!” There was body armor under my bed.
There was a PDA on my dresser. It had an email message on it that said:
“This is your 1st mission. I take it you’ve already found your new weapons and armor. You might still feel groggy from the genetic cyberboost we gave you. That’ll go away soon. Your mission is to go back to the warehouse and eradicate all the monsters that have most likely come out of the portal. Report back to the author of this message when the mission is complete. Try to avoid being seen.”
I geared up in the cleanest clothes I had which were a cool Fear Factory tee shirt, some baggy jeans and leather gloves and headed to the warehouse using a shortcut I had found. It was a short cut through the old underground tunnel. It was just a mile straight that way.
At the warehouse
Now, at the warehouse, I took out my M-4 and slowly entered the place. I could hear animal like grunts and growls in the distance. Old lab tables and computers were scattered everywhere. Tons of paper with some type of computer code written on it was all over the floor. I’ve never seen this language before. While looking around this place, I stumbled upon a very weird foot print. It looked animal. Whatever made this imprint was nearby as I could hear it breathing.
It sounded very angry. I turned around. It was one of those Imp things that I had killed, except he brought friends with him. I had been forward thinking enough to use the grenade launcher on the bottom of my gun and splattered the monsters everywhere. I quickly loaded in another grenade. Half of one of them smashed the wall behind him leaving a splattered blood on the wall. I heard more of them scurrying my way. I was unaware that these things could shoot fireballs. I found this out after one went flying past my head and scorched a hole in an over turned table next to me.
I fired at them with my rifle. I fired 6 rounds into one of them. He fell backwards with blood shooting out everywhere. The other guys were real pissed now. I knelled into a prone position and held down the trigger. That didn’t work. I dashed after them and picked up a steel rod and jumped as high as I could, bringing the sharp end right on the skull of one of them. After dispatching these guys, I changed weapons. I took out my shotgun and went to the room called Research Labs. I found tons of broken computers. Only one of them was in working order. I turned it on. Soon the desktop opened. I knew that I didn’t have time to check out the contents of the hard drive, so I put in my backpack. I was crouched down. I heard another monster nearby. I dashed out of this room. Before I could turn to exit the room there was this new kind of creature. It could only be called a demon. It looked half organic and half machine.
It looked like a bull with the hind legs of a robot. It started coming closer to me then it lunged at me. I wasted it with both barrels of my shotgun. Half of its face got knocked off by the blast and it fell to the floor with a loud thud. About 16 more Imps showed up. I took three of them out in one close range blast. Since I’m a fast runner, I ran into the next room I saw. BAD, BAD IDEA, MAN!!!! I entered this dark room that was huge. On the easternmost wall there was a hug mechanical door. I didn’t want to enter it. There were several large canisters in the back of the room. There were pillars scattered about. Inside the canisters were several different types of demons. I guess this place was once used as a research lab. Old computers flashing one and zeros were all over. For being an old warehouse, this didn’t look like one. One of them looked liked a giant cycloptic tomato. It was called a Cacodemon. In the next canister was the bull demon. The last one had a hole in the side. The label on the canister was labeled “regressive”. It was apparent that whatever was in there had escaped!
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a shadowy figure. It looked like the janitor of this place. I slowly approached him. He was leaving a huge trail of blood behind him as limped ahead of me. Something about him did not seem right…He was dead!

Something was in is hand, at first I didn’t know what it was but soon figured out. He was wielding a chainsaw! Without hesitating, I laid waste to this guy, but he didn’t die. The shotgun blast went right through him, leaving a big lumpy red splatter on the wall behind him. I switched to my M-4 while running backwards (because he was chasing after me with a chainsaw) and emptied the clip into him just as he raised the saw above his decomposed head. He finally fell down. Soon after he died (again), I could hear the groaning and roars of more zombies and demons. I changed the clip to my machine gun and readied myself.
All hell broke lose. The big mechanical door on the eastern wall smashed apart. Zombies and monsters started to pour in from every where. I found out where most of them were sniping from. They were coming from this catwalk near the ceiling. I fired a grenade up there; making most of them plummet to the ground and die a bitter death by getting squashed on the floor. Always wanting to look like a badass, I had equipped my self with two .357 Desert Eagles. About 6 zombies slumped their way towards me. I nailed the first guy right in the head and stumbled to the ground. In the midst of all this fighting, I heard a loud smashing noise on my left near the back door to this room. After blowing someone else away (several times), this huge new monster came into the room. My jaw almost hit the floor when this guy came crashing through the wall. He must have been like 40 feet tall. He picked up a huge piece of machinery that was in his way, and threw it all the way across the room. I noticed an ammo crate next to an old jeep. I broke it open and found a Gatling gun. Good thing the mini-gun was invented. I used my chain gun to try to kill this behemoth. I noticed several canisters with the “FLAMMABLE!” logo on them surrounding this guy. I tossed a hand grenade at him, and dove for cover.
I also tried to shield my self from the shower of blood. That didn’t work. Out of the fire of the explosion, another monster appeared. I could call him the ArchVile.
This guy was scary as hell. He started to bring all the monsters I had just killed back to life. There were too many to fight at once. “It all ends here,” I thought to my self even though life is meaningless anyway. Just when all seemed lost, I heard what sounded like gun shots, and men yelling orders. In the distance could also hear apache helicopters in the background. The south wall of this room exploded and marines poured in.
Marines had been sent in as backup. It was about time. I used my shot gun to help eradicate the hell beasts.
“Great! You’re still alive,” one of them said. “The boss thought we were going to have to scrape you off the floor with a spatula”.
“The only way to get rid of all the beasts is to destroy this building!” I said.
“That’s exactly what we’re going to do”.

Later that night…

“There is still a question of who started this fire in the first place,” said a news anchor on my TV. “Police are looking for the person who started this fire. Several bodies were taken out of the ware house. The coroner’s office said it has yet to identify what kinds of creatures were recovered from this building.”
Tonight was like every other summer night. I could stay up as late as I wanted, because I had no school in the morning. I now had a Hummer because the guy from S4 had supplied me with one. I was right in the middle of a game of Doom. My inbox on my computer was notifying of a message and I checked it out. There was a message waiting for me. It was from that one guy at Area 51.
“Good work on your last mission. We have detected a strong dimensional output at an old computer factory outside of town. We’ve supplied you with new prototype
gun called the plasma gun. It has an enormous rate of fire. It fires high density plasma rounds, and as a secondary fire, it will fire a spiral of burning hot plasma for 100 yards.
Your next mission is to go into the computer factory and figure out what’s causing the unusual displacement. Your mission starts tomorrow at 6:30 pm.”


Today would change my life forever. I drove my truck over to this old building. The sun was setting, turning the sky purple and orange. As I entered this old building, I could hear the sound of the demons and zombies in here. The buzzes, beeps, and rings of the machinery echoed throughout the building. This building had the perfect acoustics for the back ground noises of a Fear Factory CD. The demons were waiting for me. I drew up my new plasma gun and slowly made my way around this place. I peeked around the wall to my left. There was a concentration of demons and zombies down the hallway. I charged down the hall, guns blazing.
I didn’t realize the firepower of my plasma gun until I actually used it. It scorched through all of the monsters. I heard the monstrous roars of some of the big monsters. I dashed down this corridor and came to a locked door. Now I didn’t want to waste time in looking for an alternate way, so I blew the door down. I heard someone scream, and bolted for the door. I entered and I found out just how low these creatures can get. Samantha had been taken hostage by these infernal beasts.
These monsters were guarding something. Something huge. It looked like the teleport they use in the show Stargate. I bolted for this thing and jumped inside. It felt I was leaving my body for a moment as I traveled through space. Every thing around me was distorted. Soon, everything was black and then I was pulled to a white light. Stars flew past me. For a moment, I was frozen in the universe, to take in all of its beauty at once. I emerged in what looked like hell. I could see fire that went on forever. I could smell sulfur, it was hard to breathe. When I looked at the sky, I knew exactly where I was.
The sky was blood red with skulls embedded in it. I entered the huge rusted gates in front of me. As I opened them red dirt wisped past me. I was in their territory now. The only way out was to fight my way out. I stepped through the gates of hell and made my way to the corridor. I took out my shotgun and loaded it with the explosive rounds I brought with me
As soon as I stepped into this corridor, two green demons and a huge brown monster with four foot long horns charged at me. One of the green guys clawed my arm. I wasted him first and then killed the other guy. The skull head guy caught me off guard and bit a chunk out of my back. I killed him and got my M-4 out and started firing at the huge brown demon. Bullets didn’t seem to work, so I lobed a grenade at his head.
I ran down the hallway, away from the decapitated monster. I came to a tight maze of walls. I switched to my shot gun. I could either go left or right. I went right and pumped a demon full of hot lead and went down a straight hallway, turned left, and came to a room that was probably used as an evil monastery at one time. This huge pipe organ caught my eye; it must have been 100 feet tall. I looked up to the ceiling. There was a pentagram, drawn in blood up there.
There were stone gargoyles all over this place; at least I thought they were stone. I took out my plasma gun, and these demonic statues came swooping down of the walls of these building at me. I fired my gun until the barrel was at full speed, firing over 100 bolts a second. I blasted the gargoyles into dust.
In the far distance I could hear Samantha calling my name in the distance. I reached the spot where I heard her voice. It lead me to giant door with skulls all over it. I knew there would be a battle waiting for me on the other side. I got my plasma gun out. The door screeched and clanked as I approached it. I exited the door and was lead out side. My eardrums pounded as the monstrous foot steps of the last monster I wished I had to fight neared. I was pretty torn up from the last few monsters I fought. Those were merely children compared to this thing.
It was part monster and part machine. It was over 80 feet tall. I stood no chance against it. It had a huge rocket launcher grafted to its right arm and possessed enough strength to mash me into a pancake. A lumpy one at that. I stood, gun aimed, and started to fire at this monstrosity. That didn’t seem to make him very happy. He started to chase me to a very unholy blood lake. I looked down for a moment. Underneath the surface of this blood lake were thousands of bone and skeletons. All of them looked like they were reaching for the sky, as they begged for redemption that was denied. I looked back up just to see a giant foot ready to stomp on me. I dived out of the way. Something came over me, and I felt immortal. My vision turned to a gray scale, like a photo negative. I stood right in front of the Cyber Demon with my plasma gun aimed.
“GIVE ME ALL THAT YOU GOT!!!!” I screamed to its face, as I emptied searing hot plasma at him.

I kept the trigger down until he got really angry. He started to fire his rockets in every direction possible to signal I was going to be his next meal. I was not. I fired my gun until it was empty. I noticed that what looked like skin on this thing wasn’t. As I switched to my chain gun and emptied that into him, hunks of his flesh came off and revealed his steel skeleton. I fired all of my weapons at him until he was only a shadow of his former self. His main CPU was starting to fail him, making him all twitchy. Smoke was starting to come out of the back his head. I had run out of ammo for all of my guns except my .45 hand gun, I aimed it the CyberDemon’s head and pulled the trigger. All it would take was just one round.
“Bye!” I yelled as I squeezed the trigger.
Bits and pieces of hot, flaming shrapnel were flying everywhere. As I walked past the fiery steel corpse of the king of monsters, I noticed a gate in the distance. I ran as fast as I could to it. Behind it lay a teleport like the one in the warehouse except this one was huge.
Again I heard Samantha’s voice call to me. I bravely stepped into the teleport. I emerged in an octagonal room with all of my weapons on the floor, fully loaded and ready to fire.
Samantha was in here, locked in a jail like cell. The warriors who came here before me were here too. Their physiognomy was painted on the wall of this place.
“I’ll get you out of here when I get this last guy,” I said, as I walked into the teleport in front of me. I took all the weapons I needed, including the BFG 9000. This is THE most powerful hand held weapon ever devised. BFG in hand, I stepped through the teleport. Once on the other side, I heard the scream of the beast that started this mess.
It looked like a giant goat’s head! It was hooked up to several different types of computers and machines. I noticed a huge hole in the beast’s forehead. I didn’t know what to shoot it with first. Unknown to me, this guy was tougher than all of the monsters I had killed put to together. Out of the hole in its forehead, a bunch of cubes came flying out. As they drew closer, they turned into more monsters. I got my Mini-gun, and held the trigger down. Some of the cubes exploded, but ones that I missed turned into demons. I killed the demons and started firing at the main demon. It seemed that he felt no pain. Checking my ammo meter on the side of my gun, I saw I was running low on ammo, and fast as it counted down: 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9…..
Soon my gun was empty. I switched to my plasma rifle. As I looked up, I saw that the demon was all torn up, and his eyes were turning red. I used the secondary fire mode on the gun to bombard the monster with a stream of searing hot plasma. It screamed out an otherworldly sound, so strange I couldn’t describe it here.
I quit firing with the plasma gun to conserve ammo for the BFG 9000. He started shooting cubes out again, except they turned in to the bigger monsters. I tired dodging the cubes so that they wouldn’t hit me. I didn’t want a giant bull/robot standing right in front of me. I got my rocket launcher and blew half of the monster’s head off. I got my BFG out, and then Hell literally opened up. I failed to realize that I been transported onto a raised platform with hardly any room to move around.
The floor below me opened and fire went everywhere. I looked around and there were probably hundreds, no, thousands of demons below me. This was a battle I had no chance of winning. If I was going to die, I was going to die fighting. I looked at my gun and noticed a warning label on its side.
WARNING: Only insert one cell pack at a time. Extreme blast radius may occur!
I saw that there was enough room for two energy cells inside the case. The monsters were really peeved. I dodged their fire as I loaded my gun. For a brief moment I made eye contact with the beast. I could feel all of his hatred. I used it against him. My BFG charged to max and I pulled the trigger….
I covered my face from the shower of blood. Soon I was teleported back to where Samantha was. I got my shot gun out and blew the lock to the door off and let her out. I saw that there was a teleport behind us. Samantha was speechless. As soon as we stepped through the teleport, we were in front of our street. The sun shone down more beautiful than it did any other day. I finally knew that my task had been completed.

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I wish I could out my full story on here. I'm thinking about going over to tripod and getting a website so people can look at my story and so I dont have limit the lengnth of it. The doom and doom2 storylines pick up where the story I posted ended. The full version is like 39 pages long (with pictures).

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There seems to be some disorganization in the paragraphs, and also some technical-common sense flaws (like the janitor zombie. This could be remedied by a statment like, "He was holding something, but I couldn't tell what... Until he pulled the sound of a chainsaw starting echoed in the room."

All in all a nice imaginative peice. Nice work.

Also, not to sound like I'm your teacher, your sentance structure could use some variety, i.e., "While I scanned the room quickly, the shape of a man caught my glance." (I think they are called prepositional openers. Using them and not sounding dorky can take some pratice.)

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True... just some general revision could be applied, so that you sound like a more .. what's the word... seasoned (?) writer.

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I got a bit of the way through it, than it started sounding like you were getting tired. Right around the part where you all get to the Warehouse things start sounding off beat. You use the word Meanwhile alot right about at that point in the story, and also when talking about the building, "it looks like a huge garage with a huge sliding door on it"... the next sentence has you kicking that huge door down.

By no means am i trying to discredit your work. I loved reading it and cant wait to finish it, but like everything on a forum, it wouldnt be posted if people didnt want feedback. Real good work though. So far its the best DooM related story ive read here.

Also, how much space do you need to host the entire story? I have an 85 MB site doin nothing at the moment, i have plans, but for probly only half of it. I'll host it if you would like.

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bah... i made a D3 video and posted it here. I guess it generated some interest, for the 2nd time in 3 years, my bandwidth has been tapped. The only other time this happened is when i put up a 9/11 tribute flash.Sept 7th i get the site back, if you still need a host, look me up. my msn is dmfduconn@hotmail.com

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