Alboroto Posted August 6, 2004 This is a short story I wrote sometime ago (not doom related), which is going to be part of a book called "Angels: Tales of Mistery and Tradition" a book of short stories and some info on the angels. My father did the translation from spanish last night(Spanish is my first language). I hope you guys here like it, and PLEASE give me feedback on the way it's written. BTW: More of this comming this week... ---------------------- The Angelography Cloistered in his high tower, from which he threatened to eject all who attempted to distract him from his work, he passed the hours among books written in languages that no one but him understood, lost in his readings until weary or as though drowsy from the scratching of his goose quill on the parchment. His worday began before daybreak and ended very late at night. Frugal as he showed himself to be, no one understood why it was more and more dificult for him to move his enormous corpulence from place to place, converted by the years, slowly, implacably into a fat, meditative immensity. He had dedicated all of his zeal to the construction of a great work: the angelography, a treatise about the angels, their names, their numbers -in his outlandish calculations, they had already surpassed five hundred billion spirits- clasifications and categories, descriptions and functions. It was his dream to become the greatest expert on the subject of all time, and he seemed to have achieved it, being unable to speak of anithing but angels, archangels, cherubim, seraphim, powers, thrones, virtues, dominations and principalities. He felt himself to be at the end of his titanic task and was truly satisfied with the hundreds of pages that filled countless bookshelves of the large and high rooms of the tower, which under his jealous watchfulness were ordered, illuminated and collated by a horde of secretaries that merrily devoured his legacy. Until one morning in which he laboriously returned from the bathroom, carrying a shaking oil lamp in his hand, he heard in the scriptorium a din as only ocurred when he took his nap and his secretaries discovered in the garden a colorful group of ladies, musicians and pages. But it was too early for that kind of boisteroiness. He peeked from the passage almost in darkness into the room and for a moment was blinded by the radiance that shone therein. One would have said that the entire angelography had caught fire... Hundreds of wings of transparent luminosity reverberated in the room; a voice read paragraphs from his work. He felt on the verge of ecstasy: the very same angels had descended to admire his prodigious wisdom! But suddenly a great outburst of laughter and noisy rustle of wings like a forest deafened the atmosphere; and as the reading continued by the voice that was smothered by laughter of every caliber, the deafening choruses of gaiety were repeated. He felt and indescribable fury, and without any of the resplendent spirits noting it, he collapsed at the door of the great study. That is how the secretaries found him, rigid, clutching the extinguished oil lamp, in a painful convulsion, that one would have described as rage, the glassy eyes fixed in a vision of shock and on the apocalyptic disorder of the decorated sheets that filled the room, like the fantastic feathers of dozens of riotous angels. -----the end----- 0 Share this post Link to post
m0l0t0v Posted August 8, 2004 Good job Two imperfections caught my attention: 1: Some of those sentences are very long, making them harder to read/ understand. 2: ...hundreds of pages that filled countless bookshelves... Sounds like a lot more than 'hundreds', maybe hundreds of thousants... ______________ Keep up the good work... 0 Share this post Link to post
Alboroto Posted August 9, 2004 I know it sucks a bit in english, but I'll work in the english version... 0 Share this post Link to post
SYS Posted August 11, 2004 Apart from the the little grammatical nuances and such, it's quite good. Keep up the good work. 0 Share this post Link to post
