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Opulent

Dangerfield Humor

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Not enough humor on EE recently, so here's some Rodney Dangerfield classics:

I went to one of those places that has girls dancing with no clothes on.
They wouldn't let me in because I didn't have a jacket and a tie.
so I went home...
Down my block there's a guy jogging nude. I ask why?
He says "Because you came home early".

I tell ya, I get no respect.

Girl calls me up, says "Come on over, there's no one home"
so I went over... there was no one home.

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Sometimes you just can't beat the classics.

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Two sausages are in a frying pan. The first jumps up and says, "Dear God, they're going to burn us to death and then eat us!!!!"

The second sausage jumps up and says, "Dear God, a talking sausage!!"
____________________

A guy is driving home on the highway listening to some lesbians on a shock jock radio show. He starts to get really horny, so he whips out his member and starts rubbing one off. It's not working well, trying to jerk off and drive at the same time, so he pulls over. Then he tries again. But it's still not going, because he's nervous about a cop pulling up. Then he decided the best thing to do would be to get under the car and jerk off, so anyone passing by would think he's just trying to fix it.

Ten minutes later, he's lying on the cement whacking away, eyes closed to hold onto that lesbian moment. Sure enough, a cop pulls up. Walking beside the car, the cop says, "Hey bud, is there something going on that I should know about?"

The guy, eyes still closed, says, "No officer, I'm just trying to change the oil on my car."

The cop replies with, "Really? Well then, you should check the brakes while you're down there too, because your car rolled into a ditch five minutes ago."

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Interviewer: "So, Mr. Wonder, what do you think about being blind?"

Stewie Wonder: "Damn, I'd rather be blind than black!"

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I went to my doctor and he tells me I'm going to die in six months.
I says, "Doc, I want a second opinion."
He says, "All right, you're also ugly too."

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Man, what the Hell? I've been hearing about him a lot recently for no reason. First there was an article about him getting surgery done, then they had Caddy Shack on AMC or something, then the next day I see Comedy Central is playign Back to School, and later on that week he's guest starring in some sitcome and now this.

I bet this means he's going to die soon. Whenever I start hearing about someone out of the blue, they end up dieing soon after.

Or they get their own show or something and get an extra 15 minutes of fame.

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1. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met!

2. If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

3. When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

[4 excluded, Op mentioned it]

5. I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it.

6. With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!

7. I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

8. I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

9. I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

10. I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

11. My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

12. My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

13. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

14. My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.


I could give you the source, but ... you know.

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Danarchy said:

I bet this means he's going to die soon. Whenever I start hearing about someone out of the blue, they end up dieing soon after.

AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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I'm sure that irony was intentional.

Well, basically, the thought process goes like this:

In a comparison of wits and intelligence between Danarchy and AndrewB, I'd have to favor Danarchy.

So if AndrewB is laughing at Danarchy being dumb then I'd have to look for a reason why Danarchy would actually have come on top of the little exchange.

That's my only justification for the first line in this post.

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In light of Danarchy's post, I conclude that it's Opulent's fault that Rodney Dangerfield is dead.

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And Seinfeld gets to live? Fuck that.

R.I.P. Rodney Dangerfield.

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Relica Religia said:

Wow, he died.....that's incredibly depressing.

People die in this world - that's life!
Err...

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dsm said:

People die in this world - that's life!
Err...

And yet, it's all how you see life.

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