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Scabbed Angel

Doom comic

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In my latest thread I posted some new pics to get some feedback on a few different styles for a comic project I'm going to be working on. In it I mentioned my a Doom inspired comic I was working on, but never finished... it was inspired by the Berserk contest, because I wasn't pleased with the quality of my entry (which prompted me to get back into art after a long hiatas). I wanted to explain how the Doom marine would come across the powerup and practice the layout/storytelling of comics for the project I'm starting. So. . . mind the sloppyness of some of the art, and inconsistency between what he looks like in the first 3 pages and the 5th (I drew the 5th first and worked backwords, changing things along the way). There is no 4rth page, so fill in the narrative between there for yourself. The story's kind of lame, (his friend drake, whose name I came up with falling asleep one night... probably from Aliens, is killed and he's reflecting that he ran out of ammo trying to save him), so mind it if you will. : )

So, for those of you who wanted to see it in the other thread, enjoy! For those of you who didn't, I hope you so the same. Either way, post feedback, as it's always helpful and interesting to hear it. Thanks.

http://www.cancersashes.com/page_01.jpg
http://www.cancersashes.com/page_02.jpg
http://www.cancersashes.com/page_03.jpg
http://www.cancersashes.com/page_05.jpg

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Possibly better than the original Doom comic. But really, it's quite good. Is there any Silent Hill influence in it, perhaps?

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Heh, if there is it's not intentional. I would not doubt, however, that my obession with that series would leak into aspects of my projects. What seems Silent Hill about it?

I never saw the Doom comics, were they any good... or like the novels?

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Scabbed Angel said:

Heh, if there is it's not intentional. I would not doubt, however, that my obession with that series would leak into aspects of my projects. What seems Silent Hill about it?

I never saw the Doom comics, were they any good... or like the novels?

The style and color schemes in pictures 2 and 3 remind me of SH. As for the original Doom comic, well it was more laughable and campy than anything else.

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The human proportions and faces seem a touch off, but this is definitly the right direction to take any Doom comic.

Keep up the good work.

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Kind of reminds me of the works by the Hellspawn artist (Ashley Woods?)

But otherwise nice. Better than the doom comic, though that's a classic in its own way. :P

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BlueSonnet said:

Better than the doom comic, though that's a classic in its own way. :P

Three words: BFG crotch shot.

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wow, that's really good!

The monster could be more scary though... now it's just a blob. Maybe if you could see it from the front standing over its victim?

And the gun could be bigger... it seems too small to me. Keep it up!

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Thanks for all the critiques and compliments : )
"Head... feeling.... BLOATED!" ; D

Spike said:

The human proportions and faces seem a touch off.B]

Yeah, I'm still a little rusty, thanks for the imput : ) Could you point out exactly, in what pages/frames these errors occur? it would help to fix them : )

BlueSonnet said:

Kind of reminds me of the works by the Hellspawn artist (Ashley Woods?)

Ashley Wood, yeah. Thanks : ) I really admire his work, and the comparison is a great compliment. Creepy nipples though.. you'll see if you check out Uno Fanta series... *shudders*

ravage said:

So where's page four/

Unfinished, I was having problems trying to draw the marine finding the berserk powerup and making it intersting to watch. And by that time my wrist was hurting really bad... I don't know what I did to it, but the progress of the comic suffered. I didn't draw for a month or so afterwords... so.. assuming I get back to it, I'll post it when it's finished. I do have a terrible habit of not finishing projects though... ; O

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NiGHTMARE said:

Possibly?!? Definitely!

Heh, check the batteries in your sarcasm detector.

darknation said:

the art is good, but the way you word the story boxes needs work.

Impressive amount of effort let down by weak writing.

Agreed. The most apt criticism I've read in this thread.

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the art is good, but the way you word the story boxes needs work.

Impressive amount of effort let down by weak writing.

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darknation said:

the art is good, but the way you word the story boxes needs work.

Impressive amount of effort let down by weak writing.

Any suggestions you could provide would be appreciated : ) Does it sound hokey, as in how it's phrased or do you think the story/where it's heading is lame?

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The comic looks really professional.
Tough there were areas that I believe could have be improved (like when he draws a gun shouting "No! Drake!" It appears as not dynamic enough for me. Maybe if the line of ballance would be different than straight-i.e. do something with his spine and torso, bend, twist to make it dynamic. But the faces are awesome.)
The characters have a pro-comic feeling and Your techiques are simply awesome. Watercolor is perfect for blood-for instance, take more water into deep red and drop a spot, now blow at it and You will see it makes blood-like smudges. You can also move the brush close to Your paper while soaked in red and blow at the brush to make sprayed blood-used it and looked well :)
I'm eager to see more of this, the way Doom Comic meant to be and because I simply love comics, well done that is :)

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Scabbed Angel said:

Any suggestions you could provide would be appreciated : ) Does it sound hokey, as in how it's phrased or do you think the story/where it's heading is lame?

To be respectful, yet frank, your best bet is to let me write the monologues/dialogue/story.

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Scabbed Angel said:

Any suggestions you could provide would be appreciated : ) Does it sound hokey, as in how it's phrased or do you think the story/where it's heading is lame?


I think the wording could have been better i will admit. My personal criticism is i think the the text boxes could have been better positioned in certain places, even split into seperate bits if necessary. They have a habit of getting in the way of the (key) imagery and kinda damages the flow of comic, though page 3 seems ok to me.

Example of where i would placed the text boxes:
Page 4
"He inserts the needle into his vein" - Top left of panel 1
"Suddenly the world explodes into a violent shade of red." - Top of panel 2
"And his mind screams to kill and kill." - Top left or middle of panel 3. Maybe add the sfx of screaming from the man's mouth.

Well that's what i would have done anyway. :P

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First thing to remember when writing a text box for a comic is keep everything concise. On page one you've got a lot of repetition. You announce the location (Mars) then next frame you tell the reader that the UAC base is on Mars. Same goes for your time frame (six long hours).

Repetition is alright, but don't over use it. Or it becomes repetitive, heh.

Second thing I would do is change the narrative to first person. You're dealing with a character's thoughts, not some nameless dweeb reading a book out loud.

Change the tense so it is all present. Someone telling you a story is not as exciting as actually being there.

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Yah, I'd write it in first person like dn said, especially if I were doing a comic like the above (which I might add is a very damn cool one).
Why's there no page 4 (thanks for the heads-up on that one btw)? I want my page 4 damn you!

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You know, you could make this into a comic based on Imp Encounter. Just make the marine gay and make that guy that got killed his lover and you're all set.

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Hay Scabbed. You said you also do stuff out of clay, right. Why don't you make a bunch of clay Figures and Dio's. snap pictures out of them and make a comic using the pics?

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Btw a personal tip for doing comics. Don't fill your comic with loads of over-used jokes from the net (eg: "We are the knights who say ni!", "All your base etc")

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