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Cyb

Open Letter to Doom Fans

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This is guy is just setting himself up for failure from day one. His career as a director will go no where if he doesn't grow a pair of nuts before Christmas.

If you want to make it loyal to the games, just make it a 1.5 hour long demon slaughter. Break new ground, action from the first second to the last. That's what made Doom so damn popular. I can promise you it had little to do with a story.

-E

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Well, I for one was counting on this movie to suck from the get-go. I'd go so far as to say that no Doom movie could ever be good. So in short I can't say I'm disappointed with how it's going. The word "Doom" has basically lost all its meaning to me in the last 10 years anyway.

I appreciate Dave Callahan's bravery in dealing with such an obviously hostile community about the subject. I don't think many other screenwriters would have done the same in these circumstances. And no one in his place could have worked a good movie in against the efforts of the great demon contaminated person that is Hollywood.

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This movie will suck, although I don't expect it to be as disappointing as the Star Wars prequels. In my mind, its an issue of degree of suckiness.

Actually, it shouldn't be too surprising that they opted to forgo all the Hell stuff because they do want mommy and daddy to allow little Timmy to see the movie. And a movie about Hell might cause the prudes at the MPA to bump the rating up to R, shutting out much of the teenage audience. Not to mention the Christian Right would go berserk if they released a movie about Hell. From a business stand point, it only makes sense for the studio to create a movie with broad market appeal, but it will still suck.

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Dammit Nick, what the hell are you doing using logic on an Internet forum? Good God man, you should know better.

But here's a thought... let's say the reported script changes prove to be right. Now think about it. Dave talks about an "extension" or some such to the story. SWAT team goes into what they think is a scenario where they'll be wiping out sick people gone nuts (virus gone bad like RE, radiation poisoning, whatever). But then one team member sees an imp or something. The rest think he's nuts. Then one by one they hear their buddies being slaughtered over the radio by something clearly other than human. Then they find evidence of satanic rituals and/or evidence that the people are victims of research gone bad, just not the kind they are thinking. Then the imps, pinkies et al attack full force and et volia, Doom is in the house, so to speak.

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I think they should have everyone wear early Star Trek uniforms. You know, the blue/grey ones that made out of flanel or something? They also shouldnt have any weapons. They should just stand around asking enemies politly to stop, because the marines are all ex-hippies.

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But that's what happened, actually. Why do you think only the doomguy fought back in Phobos, Demios and on? And, of course, by the year DOOM takes place, the Earth is a peaceful place where everyone is a hippy or somesuch... don't you remember the rabbit among the flowers in the pic at the end of Episode 3? What else did you think all that meant, eh?

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I come to check up on the progress of the Doom Community and find the some monkey with a typewriter has decided to take the royal piss out of everyone by remaking Ghosts of Mars and slapping a Doom label on it.

What is the world coming to? Do we not have enough spasticated film makers bunging up the "Now Playing" lists with their half-arsed brain farts? Who in the world wants to watch a film about Doom that features none of the elements that actually constitute Doom?

Let's review the brave new interpretation of Doom:

The main villain, a retard with his arse glued to a chair (now THAT'S the villain to finally overshadow Michael Myers) will be played by none other than semi-talented Englishman and former Gamesmaster, Dexter Fletcher. Americans will know of his formidable talent: he got a bit-part in Band of Brothers. He managed to get about ten minutes' screen time in total.

The rest of the cast seems to have been hand-picked from that well known elite acting core, the Sheik's Sons of Ummer Gummer Land. There are the usual token female parts played by two unknown pieces of totty: one will be the sexy, intelligent scientists with a cleavage that is bursting out of her tight top. She'll be attractive and unconventional, clear-headed in a crisis, and she'll be the sex object who survives to the end. The other will be the rough and tumble Vasquez rip-off who could beat any man at a wrestling match.

There will be one male character who panics and nearly gets everyone killed; there will be another male character working to a secret agenda.

The rugged male lead and the sensual female lead will take some time out from the cripple-bashing to have a quick shag in some shadowy room, their frolics accompanied by piano music.

There'll be some blood, some nipple pokies (or peanut smuggling if you prefer), a few "really memorable" one-liners.

I can just see Rachel Weiss starring in this piece of crap.

If you think about it though there is one redeeming feature. I can't remember what it is. Oh wait, yes I can. The title is pretty ironic in an amusing way, because it sort of sums up the career prospects of all involved in this pointless tragedy.

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bartwart said:

...Not to mention the Christian Right would go berserk if they released a movie about Hell...


Indeed, Christian Rightists suck. They're the reason there will never be a faithful film adaption of Heinlein's 'Stranger In A Strange Land.'

I suspect every single one of us will pay the ten bucks and see the movie, no matter how much it sucks. I mean, people are still buying and playing Doom 3, even if it didn't live up to their expectations.

I'll just drop some acid before I go.

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They have a character in the movie named Dr. Carmack. That deserves a big heh.

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There's an interview with the guy playing the Imps available here, so in this case it's at least partially true.

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also interesting about those two guys; they're I guess you'd call them non-speaking actors; they often play parts of monsters and such in films. Doug Jones played Abe Sapien (not the speaking role) in Hellboy, and Brian Steele played Sammael in the same movie as well as the werewolf in Underworld, and a bunch of other monsters (and he was Harry in the Harry and the Hendersons TV series)

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NiGHTMARE said:

BTW at least this means the monsters aren't CGI!


more likely a combination, which is what the majority of movies do when they have something with a humanoid shape. the close and slower shots are a guy in a costume (usually touched up in post, cg eyes or drool etc) or animetrionics, and the action shots are cg. AVP, Hellboy, Underworld, Spiderman (1 and 2) etc etc all did this sort of thing.

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Maybe they chose retarded humans instead of CGI demons because today's CGI is, frankly, crap. It looks just as fake alongside real human beings as those old animatronic (or whatever it's called) skeletons in Jason and the Argonauts, or the Gorn in Star Trek: TOS.

I still cannot see how three blokes called Goat, Baron and Pinky are supposed to be scary. I mean, Goat, Baron and Pinky for fuck's sake! They sound like the line-up for a children's television show.

I know I used to bitch about E1 style wads (you play eleven of the bloody things back to back then try to smile), but I surprised myself by wishing for an E1 style film!

I reckon we should make our own Doom film and release that. It would be laughable crap, but it's better than a load of Resident Evil bollocks with a SWAT team creeping around Uranus.

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NoPoet said:

I still cannot see how three blokes called Goat, Baron and Pinky are supposed to be scary. I mean, Goat, Baron and Pinky for fuck's sake! They sound like the line-up for a children's television show.

AFAIK Goat is the callsign for one of the marines, so he probably isn't supposed to be particularly scary.

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Lutrov71 said:

I think everybody will, just to see how bad it is...


Then you're basically reinforcing the idea in hollywood that they can get away with completely bastardizing source material for movies.

Crazy idea here. How about not wasting your money on a bad movie and encouraging others not to either?

Instead of doing something stupid like a petition, I think there should be an organized boycott of this movie. I think contributing to the commercial failure of a movie like this would be way more entertaining than actually going to watch this piece of shit when it's out in the theaters and wasting 13 bucks just so I could justifiably complain about it.

News flash though, you pay for it. The studio execs don't care. They've already got your money.

ScareCrow said:

Indeed, Christian Rightists suck. They're the reason there will never be a faithful film adaption of Heinlein's 'Stranger In A Strange Land.'

I suspect every single one of us will pay the ten bucks and see the movie, no matter how much it sucks. I mean, people are still buying and playing Doom 3, even if it didn't live up to their expectations.

I'll just drop some acid before I go.


People like you are the reasons movies like this keep getting made. Honestly how hard is it to NOT go waste your money on something that's obviously as shitty as this movie is going to be?

to take the royal piss out of everyone by remaking Ghosts of Mars and slapping a Doom label on it.


Sorry to say, but at this point. Ghosts of mars is actually looking to be more true to Doom than the actual movie will be. I mean fuck. At least THAT movie was actually on MARS!

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