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Naked Snake

Short story : Day 428

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It's day 428.

The Demons have controlled the city for 428 Hellish days.

How long can the others and I hold on much longer? We started with 25. We're down to 7. We're all lightly armed and terrified, starving, cold and thirsty.

Terrified.

They rampage the streets, we can hear them from our hiding spot atop a large building. We've made a cement barricade and built a passage we can keep secure that leads indirectly to the outside...

The leaps of faith is what we call it, you jump to the rooftop of the next building, then the next, then the next to a ladder. The last guy that went, well, he made it to the ladder but he hasn't come back.

Starving. Terrified.

The rest are getting restless and a few are considering going in a group. We know this seems to attract the monsters more than just a single person but they are willing to take that risk. We have a decent stock of arms, plundered from a gun store owned by a former survivor, former zombie and now rotting corpse.

Another rotting corpse in the pile.

In the terrible summer heat the stench of death rises to our towering fortress. It gets thicker every day as the bodies putrify further.

Love?

Me and Jenny have gotten a lot closer since this all began. We both know we shouldn't fall in love, since the worst probably will happen...

Terrified?

I clutch my gun closely as I hear roaring and pounding. They are destroying the wall of the building. There are others downstairs, not of our group, they have their own defenses, we assume.

Suddenly, we hear the sharp screams of dying people and powerful growls of monsters.

Terrified.

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I like short: lotsa action, little looking. :D

Unfortunately it's the same for the people in the story; there is a lot of action not too far from them. And not the good kind of action, but the kind that it's good, but bad, so not good. :D

I like-a the use of a lone word as it's all alone and like, "hey, I'm alone." And it makes me think of it being more wordy than a word in a group. Not that all you groupy words are bad or anything, you're all good too. :D

I wonder what map they are on though. :D Perhaps downtown. :D

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Ooh, wonderful wonderful wonderful. I only have one grammatical gripe, if you really care about that stuff:

"The rest are getting restless . . ."

Using similar-sounding words close together always sounds awkward to me. Something like, "We're all getting restless" would sound better, but that's just me.

I assume this is just a one-shot, one-deal thing, but it's certainly something I'd love to see elaborated upon . . .

Hell, I'd love to do it myself, if you weren't going to.

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Very inmersive. Nice reading, it makes you interesed in playing map13 to kick some of these bastards.

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DOOM Anomaly said:

I like-a the use of a lone word as it's all alone and like, "hey, I'm alone."


"Now I'm by myself. That can't be good"[/lamedoomcomicpisstake]

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Guardian said:

Using similar-sounding words close together always sounds awkward to me. Something like, "We're all getting restless" would sound better, but that's just me.


or "the others are getting restless." other than that I like it. it's like a journal written on the edge. the love comment was kind of odd, but then again love does tend to pop up in the weirdest places.

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baronofhell said:

Yeah but, it's incomplete! Seems like more of an introduction than a story to me.


Something tells me you haven't taken a Creative Writing class before. 0_0

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baronofhell said:

Yeah but, it's incomplete! Seems like more of an introduction than a story to me.


Dude, in case you didn't know, a short story is SHORT. It can be as short as 5 sentences if you want. It's still a complete story, f00l. :-P

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