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Craigs

If you could be any of the enemies from doom...

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Perhaps the zombies don't eat brains
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Although we never see the zombies eating brains, the levels are usually over in a few minutes, and given that a human brain is about the size of a pineapple, and that I could probably feed myself for a whole day with a single pineapple, it is reasonable to assume that in the time span of an average Doom session the monsters simply do not have time to become hungry. The former humans expend very little energy, shuffling about and groaning, and thus probably don't have much of an appetite, especially what with the smell, and this is assuming that their stomachs and intestines are still in one piece and able to digest food.

Perhaps that is why the former humans are so unhappy to see you; they are ashamed that they have to eat brains and you do not. For example, yesterday I had prawns, and earlier today I had ham. I did not have brains at all. The Doom marine is a man like myself and shares my appetite for natural food such as eggs and bran. Or alternatively the monsters are annoyed that you have interrupted their dinner. And of course it might be that they want to eat your brain. It is a shame that society does not find my rubber sink plunger as amusing as I find it.

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Imps
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I've long wondered what motivates the monsters in Doom. They clearly have a great inner rage, and even on the pacifist walkthroughs they immediately attack the player; indeed, they are so angry that they attack each other. Some people think that a killing rage can only stem from fear, but what do the monsters have to fear? Not much, I wager. They know no fear. If an imp is wounded by a cyberdemon's rockets, the imp will attack the cyberdemon; thus I respect the imp, for he is burly. I respect the imp, but I do not desire the imp.

So perhaps, instead of being driven by fear and hate, the monsters are driven by lust. There are two forces, attraction and repulsion; and the monsters generally try to seek you out. Perhaps they want to thrash you to within an inch of your life, and then have you.

Or perhaps one of the Doom marine's buddies has stuck a sign on the marine's back, saying "kick me", and the monsters are just trying to point this out to the Doom marine in the only way they know how; inwardly they are saying "excuse me, mate, someone's put a sign on your back", but outwardly they shoot at you and try to bite you. Granted, the player character's sprite does not appear to have anything attached to its back, but that could be just artistic licence.

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Archvile for me.

If your enemy was running from you no matter what distance you could fry them (it has too be an area with no hiding)

You could hire a gang on your side and terrorise people, and if any dies you can just ressurect them, sweet. :)

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