A Classic Holiday Turkey

[Insomniak]

Thought I'd get a head start by posting it the morning before christmas eve so we can all rack up huge postcounts.

On a related note, this is the 3rd year in a row I've posted this. It's becoming something of a tradition.


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T H E N I G H T B E F O R E *-D-*-*-O-*-*-O-*-*-M-*
Written by: Hank Leukart (ap641@cleveland.freenet.edu)
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`Twas the night before DOOM,
and all through the house,
I had set up my multi-playing networks,
each with a mouse.
The networks were strung,
with extra special care
in hopes that DOOM,
soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of demons danced through their heads.
And my computer's processor it was so quick,
boy was I glad I bought that 486.
When out on the Internet there was a Usenet posting,
I dialed right in to see what it was boasting.
Off to the news reader I flew like a hound,
"Oh no," I cried! The news reader was down!
Frustrated, bewildered, feeling really low,
I leaned back to see what I heard out the window.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a group of 6 cars, driving 60 I fear!
With a big young driver, just look at him go!
I knew in a moment, it must be John Romero!
Over the speed limit, his band of cars came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now, Jay! Now, John!
Now, Dave and Kevin!
On, Adrian! On, Sandy!
On, Shawn and Robert!"
To the top of the driveway!
Don't hit that wall!
Now stop your car, stop your car, stop your car all!
Leaving the car, he entered the house,
Walking quietly, so as to not wake the spouse.
He was dressed in a T-shirt, and a a pair of jeans too,
I was unsure of what he was going to do.
Boxes of DOOM he had flung on his back,
and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
Those boxes - how they sparkled! The shrink-wrap so tight!
The character was drawn on the front, just ready to fight!
The Chain Saw and Shotgun he held in his hand,
Where was the BFG9000?: The best gun in the land.
And then I saw it, strapped to his back,
Along with a copy of the "Official" DOOM FAQ!
A wink of John's eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Installed it on the network, then turned with a jerk.
And placing a hand into his jeans,
out came his keys - oh how they gleamed!
He sprang to his car, to the id team gave a whistle,
and away they all drove, like DOOM's launching of a missile.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"DEMONS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A HELLISH NIGHT!"

[ducon]

I want this one.

[Bank]

NINE DAYS OF DOOM

On the first day of Doomsday
Id Software Gave to me
A cyberdemon from which I will flee

On the second day of Doomsday
Id Software Gave to me
Two Pinkie Demons
and a cyberdemon from which I will flee

On the third day of Doomsday
Id Software Gave to me
Three Shotgun shells
Two Pinkie Demons
and a cyberdemon from which I will flee

On the fourth day of Doomsday
Id Software Gave to me
Four mad Chaingunnres
Three Shotgun shells
Two Pinkie Demons
and a cyberdemon from which I will flee

On the fifth day of Doomsday
Id Software Gave to me
Five hours of impse
Four mad Chaingunners
Three shotgun shells
Two Pinkie Demons
and a cyberdemon from which I will flee

On the sixth day of Doomsday
Id Software Gave to me
Six Romero Bitches
Five hours of impse
Four mad Chaingunners
Three shotgun shells
Two Pinkie Demons
and a cyberdemon from which I will flee

On the seventh day of Doomsday
Id Software Gave to me
Seven cups of nukage
Six Romero Bitches
Five hours of impse
Four mad Chaingunners
Three shotgun shells
Two Pinkie Demons
and a cyberdemon from which I will flee

On the eigth day of Doomsday
Id Software Gave to me
Eight Nazi Soldiers
Seven cups of nukage
Six Romero Bitches
Five hours of impse
Four mad Chaingunners
Three shotgun shells
Two Pinkie Demons
and a cyberdemon from which I will flee

On the ninth day of Doomsday
Id Software Gave to me
Nine Shareware copies
Eight Nazi Soldiers
Seven cups of nukage
Six Romero Bitches
Five hours of impse
Four mad Chaingunners
Three shotgun shells
Two Pinkie Demons
and a cyberdemon from which I will flee

[-_DLD_-]

Where are the 10 BFGs? The 11 Cacodemons? The 12 TNTs?

Oh well, that's pretty good.

The 12 Days of StarCraft is funnier, though. I was holwing the first time I heard it.