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SirTimberWolf

It's been a while [non-doom fic]

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Okay,
Hello one and all. My name is John and I’m a DooM addict. . . err, sorry. Wrong forum. :o

But seriously, I’m nearing completion of my first full-length novel and I’m really excited by what I have accomplished. (All modesty aside, I never thought I’d get this close to done.) However, just like anyone who’s undertaken a major project I’m kind of having doubts on what I’m doing.
I want to make it clear that I’m not asking for an ego stroke here, but I have little outlet to communicate my ideas with others and get creative feedback. So, with the glory of the interweb I was hopping that maybe I could coax some responses (positive or negative) from the communities I belong to. . .
I’ve been working on this story for about 7 years now (Just the story, the book itself has taken about a year and a half to write.) Getting so close to the finish line I’m looking forward to starting the second in what I hope will become a series, however like I said earlier, I really don’t have that much in the way of constructive crits as no one around my area reads all that much. Not placing blame, they have families and jobs I mean hell.

So here I am, humbly before you with a modest request for input. I'm trying to do a plot analyses and figure out what works, deepen the characters' motivations are and so forth. I gotta say it's pretty interesting and also quite aggravating.
I LOVE my characters, my story and my ideas. But it's like kids I guess, there’s times where you're just like >_< and others where everything is going smoothly. . .
So anyway, thank you in advance for your help and would be more than happy to answer any questions.

Characters
Jonathan Prower
Samantha Prower
(siblings)
Melissa Li (Samantha's 'significant other')
Michael Avery (Cop, semi-antagonist)
Kathrine Rikes (Jon's interest)

Hayden Winters (Primary antagonist)
Jackie Torsque (Secondary Antagonist, spy)
Nicole/Aileana Leandrea (Third Antagonist/Ally)
Irana (Leader of The Clan of The White Rose)

Major Factions
Order of the Earth Purifiers
Clan of the White Rose
Kattah (The race of people that make up the Clan.)


The story starts with a pair of siblings living together, Jon meets Kat and they become fast friends. However one night while hanging out they get attacked and nearly killed, hiding out at Kat's place they make plans and what not, coming back into town they stop for something to eat (after Jon's badgering) And Nicole shows up, scares them off. They go to the police and almost get arrested.

From here it becomes a 'game' of hide and seek with Jon and Kat hiding out, come back to her home to find it burning and Nicole checking stuff inside. Learn a little about her when Jon rifles around in her car; how very dangerous she is.

Back to Sam and her attempts to find clues to the situation unfolding. She's made an appearance on the news who is advertising them (Jon and Kat) as criminals. Nicole and Hayden both show up to 'get' her. In the ensuing firefight Nicole gets Sam out, but when she comes too she's tied to a chair and Nicole has a plate of small knives and stuff sitting between them.

Jon and Kat treat it more like a vacation than an actual threat until Melissa calls and tells them that Sam is missing. After an exhaustive search they find Nicole waiting outside their hotel. Then from here on Jon and Kat are pretty much on their own.
Sam DID find something though, Jon calls Melissa and asks her to meet them somewhere to trade info. They do, but so do the cops. . .

Hayden isn't treating this 'case' like anything more than a speck, though he is seriously upset that his 'friend' (Jackie) held the information back from him. We start to see the first trappings of the scale in which they are involved here. We also learn about his daughter. . . (I think this should be expanded slightly, but we'll see)

Nicole comes back, slightly irritated. She takes Sam out of her cell, gives her a weapon and armor. . . They start searching together, using Nicole's contacts and Sam's knowledge of her brother.
After a couple of pretty intense firefights and some information gathering Sam is starting to figure out what's up (With Nicole's exposition as well)

More 'close calls' including Melissa getting shot and Jon having to take a life to defend Kat's bring the first act to a head. By now we've established that there's a war going on between two groups of people, both of them are dedicated to their respective causes and have the resources to do it and Jon and Kat are simply 'caught in it'.

The second informal 'act' starts off with Jon and Kat running to get away from Avery and several people chasing them. During this time we've seen Jon's resolve fading as much as his physical body failing him.

By the end of the act the group (Sam, Kat and Jon) are at an old girlfriends of Sam's (It isn't pretty.) By the end of that chapter Sam is at Kat's throat but devises a plan to get rid of her and rescue Jon in the process. Whether he likes it or not.
When cops show up they bolt out, Sam puts her plan in motion as best she can. . .

The end of this act (I call it the 1.5 act) Has Nicole taking them as a group to a house deep in the forest to begin training. . .

To this end we have Hayden carrying on his life, making judgments and setting his plans in motion and so forth, His daughter as well. . . Basically his life hasn't been that adversely affected but while he becomes more- 'complacent' isn't really the word but while he gets back into the swing of things the 'team' is training hard (for the most part) on how to combat these people.
During this time we also learn the 'big picture' regarding both sides, how they came about and what exactly they are. . .

The one side (Hayden's) Called the Order of the Earth Purifiers has been around for generations, hunting the Kattah (people like Nicole, Kat and almost 800 others) and trying to exterminate them from the earth. Though started before Hayden was even born he has since picked up the gauntlet and used it to destroy those who had put him so far above everyone else within 'the clan' (Being the ONLY male of the species and being treated that drastically different still bothers him to this day. . . But at the time it had actually become a serious issue.) But the Clan of the White Rose maintains a sprawling base deep under the city where they train, recruit and carry on their customs. . .

The closer we get to the team showing up at the base (Sempiternal) the more we see Jon start to come out of his shell and into a more focused mindset, Kat and Sam already knew it but Nicole is slightly troubled by it. . . (Her own story comes out during this time in clips and blurbs. . .)

After being introduced to this 'radically' different way of life the team goes to trial to apply for combat rights, fails and is subsequently ejected. (After having been given the chance to argue their case to Irana, the leader of the clan) She won't let them back in without proof that they know something about the Order's activities. . . (Remember that information Sam found?)

So they go to the place Sam and Kat used to work, sneak in and find more to it than what they first thought. This leads them to San Diego, Kat's home town.

While in San Diego they find several clues to what they found at the plywood factory (where Sam got the information from), names and stuff. . . Before leaving, Kat visits her father and her old church. During this time several questions get answered (Kathrine’s past to some extent is also exposed. How she was born to completely human parents and stuff. [Technically according to the Katta this shouldn’t happen. This makes her very valuable to them for research and even to some extent, religious reasons]) When they do get to the facility they're all thrown for a loop at what they find.

They nearly get killed and caught but I'll leave the end for you to see. . . er, read.

It ends along the lines of them starting back to LakeFalls with information on a new facility going online soon. . . The second book (Shades of Grey: Black Rain) would pick up here.

So there you have it, a quick and dirty layout of my novel. Though a lot of points are omitted for time and curiosity ;) I'd still love to hear what you have to say about this. . .
Take care everyone and thanks again.

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