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Icarus

You Know When You've Been Playing to much Doom When...

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You Know When You've Been Playing to much Doom When You are walking around a museum, and try bringing up an automap to help find your way around.

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...when you make a thread about knowing when you have been playing too much Doom.

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Wasn't there already a topic about this?
Anyway, you know you have been playing Doom to much when you load Doom/Doom2 midis on your Mp3 player.

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...when you have Doom/Doom II midis as ringtones, and Doom/Doom II wallpapers/screensavers on your mobile. :-D

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...when you start playing regularly, each map on the archive, beginning with Hurt Me Plenty and finally trying yourself with Nightmare, until you beat it.
...when you start drawing little Barons, Cyberdemons and Spiderdemons on the back of your school notebook.
...when you think novels with impulsive characters are like Doom.
...when you constantly warp to MAP20 or MAP28, with improved DEH versions of the bosses.
...when you post in Doomworld more than five times a day.
...when you set your wallpaper as a memorable Doom death moment.
...when you have many unfinished and unfinishable maps on your wads dir.
...when you record Doom Demos just for your satisfaction.

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Vader said:

Wasn't there already a topic about this?


Indeed there was - at least once, maybe twice. And at on those occasions I think I posted something like this:

You know you've played too much DOOM when ...

1. You walk around with your head swaying to match the bobbing motion

2. You spin 180 degrees and walk backwards whenever you hear a sound behind you

3. You hear a minor pick-up sound when you eat food, pick up milk bottles, a box of Band-Aid etc.

4. You start side stepping around corners...

5. Whenever you open a door, you make a noise to see if you can hear anything wake up in the room beyond.

6. You open a door, side step into the room facing left, and then duck out, repeating the process facing right before entering properly.

7. Your favourite song has a name like D_E1M5

8. The shirts and pants you own are all solid colours – bright green, grey, red or brown

9. You zigzag when you walk down a long, straight hallway.

10. You spend a fortune stocking up on emergency medical kits, "Just in case".

11. You refuse to put on a T-shirt in the morning, unless it is bright green or bright blue and standing up on its own just above the ground.

12. You begin to wish that you could actually use the mouse to move you around in real life.

13. You're shocked that you keep running into walls, despite shouting out the code "IDCLIP"

14. You're shocked that your eyes don’t turn yellow and you can still fall over and hurt yourself when you shout “IDDQD”

15. You walk up to suspect walls and push against them, grunting.

16. You're surprised that you lose some of your health after jumping out of the window of your seventh floor bedroom.

17. You are amazed every time you manage to jump, duck or look up and down.

18. You can’t understand why, when you run, you can’t reach anything near 50 MPH

19. When you're buying a new car, and are asked to choose a colour, you instinctively choose a bright blue one, because of the greater armour rating...

20. You have bought a big new house and you're wondering why the heck you have never found any secret areas despite visiting every room.

21. You are surprised when you see windows that actually have glass in them.

22. Each time you see an old building made of brownish bricks you start humming a Doom 2 tune.

23. Each time you watch a movie where a guy picks up his weapon, you always think of the line "You Got The Super Shotgun".

24. When you arrive at the public swimming pool, you ask the attendant where the heck the radiation suit is.

25. You are amazed that the other people in the pool can stay in so long and not take damage.

26. You are also confused that everyone seems to move around in the water rather than on it.

27. You are disappointed each night when you go to sleep because you don't get the "end of level" message when you close your eyes.

28. You are using a Doom graphic as wallpaper in your Windows setup.

29. You automatically want to try and save whenever something in life goes well.

30. You keep trying to reload whenever something in life goes badly.

31.Somebody annoys you, and you wonder where you can get a berserk pack so you can gib them just by punching them.

32. When you hear a chainsaw you know someone has run out of ammo.

33. When you glue a shift key to your steering wheel to make your car go faster.

34. If the supermarket doesn't have the item you want, you camp next to the shelf waiting for it to respawn.

35. You know John Romero’s birthday but not your mother's.

36. When you hear a shotgun-like noise you start spinning around and running across the room.

37. When you murder someone you peek over your shoulder to see if he's gonna respawn behind you.

38. When you think your goal in life is to get a red key, a yellow key and a blue key.

39. When you run away from every spider you see thinking it's a new type of Arachnotron

40. When you wonder why you couldn't choose a difficulty setting when you were born.

41. When you watch a black and white movie you wonder why you’re not invincible.

42. You wonder why black and white movies don’t just last a few seconds and then return to full colour.

43. When you try to run diagonally to go faster.

44. When you meet people and wonder why they talk instead of making an unearthly growl or hiss.

45. When you see a hot air balloon and wonder when it will start spitting fireballs.

46. When you press a light switch, you expect an elevator to come down.

47. You walk over everything that's on the ground knowing you will pick it up if you need it.

48. You don't understand why you get food at dinner; all you want are white boxes with red crosses on them or blue bottles.

49. Every time you see an EXIT-sign you run towards it, relieved you ended the level.

50. You see a large group of people walking towards you and try and switch to a rocket launcher to take them out with one shot.

51.You shout "Mancubus!" at fat people.

52.You shout "Revenant!" at tall thin people.

53. You wonder why you haven’t seen any marines impaled on spikes recently.

54. You worry when walking down a street with no dead bodies on it because you haven’t been down that route before.

55. You do something stupid and hope you weren't recording a demo,

56. You can't hold your hands in any position other than the one you use for playing Doom.

57. You don't understand why everybody looks scared when you walk around on the street with only a chainsaw. It just means you couldn’t find any ammo right?

58. You are confused that your chainsaw stops when it runs out of fuel.

59. You are starting to get fed up with this level. You’ve been in it for years and there is still no sign of the exit.

60. When you walk into an empty room you look around for an item to pick up, knowing that as soon as you get it a door is bound to open and monsters will teleport in.

61. When you start side stepping every time you see just anyone to avoid possible fire balls.

62. When you think the normal daylight is too bright ‘cos you prefer dark gloomy corridors.

63. When you play recorded Doom sounds on your walkman.

64. You go to gun shows expecting to see an actual BFG9000.

65. You are amazed that your recent success in wiping out the Hell invasion hasn’t been on CNN.

66. You always keep your distance from barrels just in case they explode in the crossfire.

67. You bought a geographical positioning system but think it is broken because it doesn’t highlight in red where you have been.

68. Only after your hard drive crashed did you realise your wife had filed for divorce, your dog had died and your children were in college.

69. You wonder why your point of view doesn’t follow the guy who killed you when you die.

70. Your crayons say "imp brown" and "health potion blue"

71. Whenever you pick something up in real-life(tm) you hear a minor pick-up sound, or you see a flash of yellow light.

72. Whenever you pick a weapon up in real life, you wonder why you don't hear a ch-chak!

73. Falling great distances only makes you go "Mmmmph!"

74. If you quit eating tomatoes because they look like cacodemons.

75. When you go looking through your house for a stimpak every time you get the tiniest cut.

76. When you think you cant jump, or climb over anything more than 24 units high...

77. You buy a bunch of blue pop bottles and fill em up with water and blue dye and you place them in corners of your house and in closets.

78. Your in a race and you attempt the run and strafe at an angle manoeuvre for more speed.

79. You hold your shotgun right in front of you and wonder why it hurts to fire it...

80. You walk across some lava and survive for a while...

81. You start a petition to stop the UAC's dangerous experiments.

82. No matter how hard you stomp, you never hear footsteps.

83. You can run into walls running full speed without getting hurt.

84. You call up your friends to ask if they'd like to help you re-texture the house.

85. While you're working on re-texturing the house, you keep yelling at your friends about how they aren't getting the x and y offsets correct, and are mis-aligning the textures.

86. When walking through a multi-story office complex on the 12th floor, you suddenly freeze, explaining that you can't go on because there's a person in front of you on the first floor.

87. You can come up with a way that you can tell someone has played too much Doom.

88. When you start calling your brother "The Imp".

89. You don't turn, you strafe.

90. You named your son Mancubus.

91 When you dream about floating like a Cacodemon.

92 When you see a 15 foot guy with a cybernetic missile launcher you call him Cyberdemon.

93. You have hallucinations of seeing 15 foot guys with cybernetic missile launcher arms.

94 Flickering lights make you take corners with extreme caution.

95. You want to walk through a Lava Field, figuring you'll just lose about 50% health.

96. You are an expert at scrunching up your face to look like the Doom guy in the status bar.

97. When you grunt every time you jump.

98. Your license plate reads, "BFG 9000"

99. When you walk into a wall and instead of bouncing off and/or hurting yourself, you begin bobbing up and down, sliding against the wall.

100 Your christmas tree is decorated with Christmas balls altered to look like cacodemons.

101 All wallpapers in your house are based on Doom textures.

102. All the wallpapers are sized to perfectly match their in-game pixel size.

103. You never worry about getting lost in places where you don't know where to go, because all lines you've seen automatically add to your automap.

104 It's confusing for you that in real life doors can't be opened by just a straight-forward click.

105. You live on a location from where you can see the E1 sky scenery.

106. You get really pissed at your doctor, because his medical treatment didn't instantly restore 25% of your health.

107. You keep trying to show your friends that you really can pick up things by just walking over them.

108. you look in the mirror and u see the doom guy

109. You ask the doctor if he can remove your left arm and attach a prosthetic rocket launcher instead.

110. Your depth perception is all thrown off because the pixels on real life objects don't get bigger as you get closer.

111. You honestly think you can fit 400 bullets, 100 shotgun shells, and 100 rockets into a single backpack along with a pistol, a shotgun, a double barrelled shotgun, a chaingun, a rocket launcher, and a BFG.

112. Every time a door doesn't open vertically, it really blows your mind.

113. If you see a shade of red whenever you hurt yourself.

114. You wear a full-body "imp" costume around on Halloween.

115. You wear a full-body "imp" costume around even when it's not Halloween.

116. When you're bored, you close your eyes and are able to emulate Doom single-player, byte for byte and map for map, by every nook and cranny, in your head.

117. When you go hunting and accidentally shoot straight ahead at EVERYTHING, regardless of how high or low it is in relation to you.

118. You believe that the pretty glass paperweight in the study grants you the power of invisibility.

119. You keep a shotgun under your pillow. Come Armageddon you're not going to make the classic mistake of getting caught with only a weedy pistol.

120. You regularly leave doors open because you think they will close behind you automatically.

121. You come to a 2-foot high wall and think "shit, now i have to go around"

122. As you walk down the street, you extend your hand out in front of you and rock it back and forth.

123. You expect to find bullet clips lying around on the street.

124. Your history teacher asks, "Who were the NAZIs?" and you answer, "The guys on level 31."

125. Your biology teacher asks, "What is a cell?" and you answer, "20 shots for my plasma gun."

126. On your deathbed you keep hitting the spacebar.

127. You lie awake at night trying to figure out where the pain elemental stores all those lost souls.

128. Somebody asks you how far away something is, and you answer "About 512 pixels."

129. At the zoo, when a camel grunted right behind you, you spun around and punched it out cold.

130. At the farm, you couldn't understand why everybody kept calling the Demons "pigs."

131. Every time you walk into a new room, you always try to find a NEW way out because OBVIOUSLY you can't leave the way you came in.

132. When the lights go out you grope around looking for you light amplification goggles

133. While hunting in the woods, every time you shoot the gun, everyone asks how you can just slide along the floor like that without moving your legs

134. When your dad misaligns the wallpaper while putting it up you ask him why he didn't use an X offset

135. When your dad replies that its a secret room back there when asked about aforementioned misaligned wallpaper

136. You don't like to go to singles bars, because you can't tell how good a woman is at playing DooM by her looks.

137. You can't duck, crawl, or lie down.

138. You can't point your hand to the left or right. You have to turn your entire body.

139. You give a wide berth to any and all barrels you encounter, in case they explode.

140. You like to shoot at these barrels when people you don't like walk by.

141. You are constantly glancing left and right, even though you can only see straight ahead.

142. You finally convince Revolutionary War enactors to recreate the demo of you beating DooM without dying.

143. You live in a bungalow because having rooms on top of each other gives you headaches

144. You are also surprised to discover that you have to open a first aid kit to get the medicine out.

145. You see a video of a woman giving birth on the discovery channel, and you expect a lost soul to come out.

146. You think you are safe in a gunfight, because you are wearing 60 helmets.

147. You keep drinking bottles of blue mouthwash on the assumption that each one will raise your health by 1%.

148. You see a photographic negative, and assume that the photographer took the picture while he was invulnerable.

149. You walk past a murder scene, and you warn the cops, "Look out! He might respawn!"

150. You accidentally lock yourself outside, and then keep muttering "idclip" to yourself, expecting to get in.

151. Your girlfriend claims that when you sleep, your feet always face her and you rotate on the spot as she tries to go around you.

152. You walk into a room with a dead body hanging from the ceiling, and it doesn't at all strike you as unusual.

153. You don't use lamps, because you know that you can only change the light level in a room by editing the map.

154. You know exactly how many monsters are on each level of DooM at every skill level.

155. You have given each and every one of these monsters its own name.

156. The report from your last medical exam lists your height as 56 pixels.

157. The same medical report lists your birthday as December 10, 1993.

158. You notice a cop's pistol, and offer him a better weapon.

159. For your masters thesis you choose to write about the differences between DooM v1.0 and DooM v1.666.

160. You believe that you should be first in line for the next promotion, because you have more frags than any of the other people at work.

161. You try to convince your friends that your vacation photos were taken when you were stationed on Mars.

162. If you print DooM screenshots, frame them, and hang them in your room.

163. When you decide that the music in doom is better than anything in your CD collection.

164. When you had to go to the hostpital because your garage door crushed you. When the doc asked why, you said "wasn't it supposed to go right back up after touching my head?"

165. When you've broken your leg so many times trying to run down stairs as fast as you can run normally.

166. You invent a backpack that majically teleports from the ground to your back as soon as you walk over it.

167. You start seeing doom characters name's in your alphabet soup

168. When you see light dissipating EVENLY away from a light source, you get confused.

169. You wonder why they wouldn't let you take any of the supercharges, soul spheres, or invulnerabilities out of the bowling alley

170. You only buy green clothes because you think you can change the colour of them at any time.

171. You see someone walk through a wall and you think, "Just like E1M1"

172. You can't figure out where the miracle is in the story of Jesus walking on the water is.

173. You look for new levels to replace your house with

174. You laugh at the zombies in the movie "night of the living dead" because they have no guns.

175. You steal bags of plasma while your at the hospital for your gun at home

176. You breath heavy if some one shoots you

177. You always have a pistol with exactly 50 rounds by your side at all times, no matter what happens.

178. You were searching for the Tab key while driving in your car when you got lost.

179. All your keys are either red, yellow, or blue.

180. You got really disappointed when you read Roald Dahls, The BFG

181. No matter now many times you walk over your food you're still hungry.

182. All your furniture is Square Block style.

183. You eyes can no longer see wider than the doom guys field of view

184. When you hear your neighbour scream when they find their pet rabbit's head on a stake.

185. You know your addicted to DooM if you get on an elevator and expect it to move automatically just because you walked over the line between the floor and the elevator..

186. You decide to join a peace keeping expedition to the Balkans. After all, you've had seven and a half years of combat experience, starting in December 1993.

187. When hunting, you count the number of animals you kill as a percentage.

188. When hunting with a mate, you try to make them realise there's no danger in you killing yourself, as you'll be back before they know it.

189. You see someone die on TV and is amazed at how they didn't drop to their knees, grasping their throat and fall on their front.

190. You don't know why people try to kill themselves by jumping off buildings.

191. You design your new home in a level editor.

192. When the builders try to build it, you laugh when they talk about a second floor.

193. Every time you start up DooM your computer sighs, rolls its eyes, and farts

194. You've gotten used to the proportions of the humans in DooM, and think that people in real life look way too tall and skinny.

195. You go to a gunnery range, and are shocked when you can't auto-aim.

196. As your final wish, you want your family to sever your head and place it on a stake inside a giant demon's skull.

197. You can recite every byte in the DooM 1.666 executable in hexadecimal from memory.

198. You have your nose removed, and have spikes surgically implanted in your nipples, your knees, your elbows, and your shoulders, have yourself tattooed brown, have your eyeballs replaced with red light bulbs and have yourself castrated just so that you can look like an imp.

199. You can only be seen from eight angles

200. You always wear green if you are the first person to enter a room, red if you are the second person to enter a room, brown if you are the third person to enter a room, and dark grey if you are the fourth person to enter a room.

201. You always assume that you can't enter the room if there are already four people in it

202. You get an inflamed pimple on your forehead, and you think you are giving birth to a tiny baby cacodemon.

203. Your priest becomes angry with you and refers to you as a lost soul. Your reaction to this is, "ALRIGHT!"

204. You then proceed to set your hair on fire, and leap at people you don't like.

205. You measure your life in days since DooM was released.

206. You can't remember anything that ever happened to you before December 10, 1993.

207. Chances are that you can't remember a Hell of a lot of what has happened to you since then either.

208. You like to tell your grandchildren old war stories about the time you were on Mars.

209. At parties, you like to tell people that you have been a marine since 1993. If they ask if you have any war wounds, you proudly tell them about your chronic eye strain and carpal tunnel syndrome.

210. Your co-workers are shocked to discover that you are a real person, and not just a mannequin somebody propped up in front of the computer.

211. You find a penny on the floor and pick it up. A friend asks you if he can see it, but you explain that he'll have to wait until the penny respawns on the floor.

212. You sit there, waiting for another penny to respawn on the floor.

213. Your marriage was performed by null modem.

214. So was your divorce.

215. After discovering that your home has been burglerized, the first thing you do is check to make sure you DooM CDs aren't missing.

216. You see a pair of light amplification goggles in a catalogue, but you don't want to buy them, because you know they will stop working two minutes after you put them on.

217. John Romero can no longer figure out which one of you is him.

218. You no longer say "Go to Hell", because you know that you have to complete the other 2 episodes first.

219. When see a crime scene and the investigators are trying to figure out where the assailant was you always tell them "The killer was where the body is looking now"

220 If by chance the body is looking down you tell them it was a poison sector

221. If its looking up you tell them it was a crushing ceiling sector.

222. Your Social Studies teacher doesn't like it when you refer to other races as "Imps"

223. You yelled at your science teacher when he said Phobos and Deimos have lower gravity than Earth

224. You ponder how the second story of your house could actually be on top of the first.

225. when you go to war you only pack a pistol with 50 bullets and brass knuckles, expecting to pick up awesome weapons along the way

226. when held at gunpoint, you shout "IDDQD"

227. Your driver's liscence lists your address as MAP01

228. Your Aunt Shows slides of her last vacation at the family reunion. You show a demo of your last deathmatch.

229. Your four year old wakes up in the middle of the night crying about monsters in his room, so you give him a shotgun.

230. In the morning you find that the kid has shot holes in the DooM wallpaper you spent all that time hanging.

231. you refuse to wear protective clothing for more than 60 seconds at a time

232. After a major car accident, when the paramedics ask you if you are hurt, you say, "I've still got 60% health".

233. You believe that because you have saved the world, you will go to heaven.

234. You also believe that you will go to heaven because you destroyed hell, and there's nowhere else to go.

235. You think that just because you picked up a chainsaw 3 years ago, you still have it because you haven't died.

236. You tape a little pistol picture on the inside of your eyeglasses to feel more secure

237. You put doom leveling in your resume

238. In the hospital, the people there have seen you so many times with plasma burns that they don't question the accident

239. You play Egypt wads, "just to get away from it all"

240. You prefer sprites over models.

241. You prefer sprites over supermodels.

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dutch devil said:

Damn Enjay you have been busy :p

Exactly the same thing has been told to Enjay on that thread. Something like having 'too much sparing time', you get the idea.

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Heh, some of them are really great altough I haven't read all them yet TBH.
Number 1 is already one of my favorites and #116 even applys to me in a less extreme fashion :D

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...you are disappointed when you realize you actually have to reload your shotgun after only 5-8 shots, and even more disappointed at double shotguns, as you can't reload them as fast as in the game, especially if you have an over-under model without automatic ejectors...

...you wonder why shooting two shells with a double shotgun is not more powerful than shooting the same shells with a pump-action model.

...you are puzzled by the wide selection of cartridges, shot diameters and lead weights. You are only familiar with anonymous, red, 7-buckshot cartridges (which become 10-buckshot when shot in the super shotgun).

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...when you lower your head when talking with people, so your view will match their height as in Doom.

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...when you start making the facial expressions from the mug when your looking at the mirror in the morning.

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When people are about spouting christian propaganda and the first thing you think when going to Hell is mentioned is "Give me a rocket launcher and I'll be fine".

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Enjay said:

241 things


dammit I can't think of anything cuz you thought of it all! save some for the rest of us! LOL! JK. I kinda cringed when I read the first one cuz I do that sometimes when I'm walkin with my discman on. especially when listening to epiclore's "knee deep in the doom".

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You start playing Doom in morning. After hours of playing, you suddenly look through the window and notice it's still morning...

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When you post threads about Doomguy's catchphrases (whose effort really shows) or about Doomguy's costume/helmet :-)

Oh and also when you bother replying to those threads and including those facts in a thread named "You know when...."

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When your boss asks you to re-arrange the storeroom, you put everything into crates taller than you are and arrange them in a strange haphazard way. You build a complex system so that one of the crates sinks into the ground and rises back up allowing people to run across the top of the crates, which they have to do in order to get the key to the loading door.

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Whenever you see an empty box, you punch it around (as in Doom 3). It happened to me.

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.....you name your dog Baron. And not Doom related, but FPS related; you know you have been playing to much Half Life 2 Deathmatch when you walk up the stairs in your house and you stop to make sure a slammer isn't planted on one of the steps!

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