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Tek

(Another) Doom Story pt. 5.1

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Howdy yet again, this is (Another) Doom Story 5.1. As usual, give me your comments, concerns, editing suggestions, blah blah blah. Sorry about such a long delay for such a short portion, but I'm only one kid. Give me a break, you bastards!!!

The four corpses all lay on the cold metal floor, surrounded by blast marks and blood stains, as if the fires of Hell had descended upon them in one fell swoop of fiery pain and misery. I realized the crimson surface of Phobos could not even begin to compare to the grisly scene as I stared at the eviscerated corpses of my comrades, with bloody holes ripped through their chests and limbs detached at the joints.
This was worse than any war.
All of the corpses were charred beyond any recognition, save the tattered and burned USDM drop suits they wore. They were still smoking hot, the warm vapors still hanging mournfully in the air.
I walked over to the cemetery, my gloves nearly filling with sweat.
Something squished beneath my boot.
I lifted my boot up to check what I'd stepped on.
I'd stepped on an eyeball.
I turned around and lost my lunch.
Stevens came over and--like a true pal--patted me on the back, as if that would help anything. I let him continue as yesterday's rations mingled with the blood, making a sickening blend of brownish-green and red. I almost threw up again.
Stevens quit looking after me to check out the corpses. There was no mistaking them for our pointmen and dumbass lieutenant. They still had their guns, which were also burned beyond functionality. Stevens had a hard time getting the clips out of the mangled rifles, but when he did, he noted that the clips still had all 34 bullets left in them--the poor bastards didn't even have time to get off a shot.
Fortunately, the clips were still in good condition, and Stevens threw me a couple to put in my pack. We were sure getting plenty of ammo off dead people, and we were certainly not at a loss for it when we first came to this hellhole, but it was good to hoard the bullets when times were tough, and this was sure one helluva tough time.

We gathered the bodies of our fallen comrades in a line and performed the appropriate ceremonies for the soldiers. We took their dogtags and tagged them for cleanup, which was a silly move, since we probably wouldn't get to that.
I realized, then, that the raspy breathing noise had not stopped. I had just tuned it out when I we were dealing with the corpses, but now it seemed louder than ever, coming from somewhere above us from somewhere in the dark pipework near the ceiling. I looked up and stared, looking for any sign of movement or habitation. I was sure we weren't alone.
"What the hell is that sound?" Stevens asked, looking up with me.
"I dunno," I replied, as I brought my gun up to aim at the ceiling.
Suddenly, in my peripheral vision, I noticed a large, dark shape dropped down from the ceiling with a fleshy "plop" noise in a darkened corner of the cell block, about 10 meters away from where we stood. I looked to where the noise came from, and two more dark shapes plopped down after it. It was from these dark shapes that the wheezing sound came, and now they all started wheezing in unison, the noise a crescendo.
Stevens took aim aim at the spot where the things had dropped and would have fired, had I not stopped him with a gesture of my hand.
"Wait for a hostile confirmation," I whispered, bringing my rifle to bear.
One of the things stepped into the dim cellblock light.
At first I thought I was staring at the Devil, the thing looked so similar to the paintings and artist renderings.
The thing's flesh was a hellish red, its form very well muscled and incredibly large. The head ended in a long snout and had two short, stubby horns jutting out of its forehead, like a goat. Its nostrils flared, its eyes actually flashed red. The legs of the monster curved back at the knee and ended in goatlike hooves, covered in thick fur.
It growled quietly as its two friends stepped forward to join it on either side, making a small delta formation pointing straight at us.
"I think it's hostile," Stevens whispered, his voice shaking with fear.

*****

If anyone is interested (and I'm sure there are at least two of you out there), I'd still like some suggestions on how the plot should go. Also, if you'd like to help me write the story (add your own parts, etc.), please, ask me and I'll give you my E-mail privately. Not to sound arrogant, but I'd like this to become a sort of community story in that people could give their suggestions on how the story should go, but not have direct control over the flow of the story (a la the community story).

Cheers!

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Nice start. I write a lot of stuff myself, Hell I'm doing English at univeristy so I should, and Doom is always such a great plot to start with, and would make a truly awesome film given the right development, as would Quake.

I'm not going to carry on your story, it's yours man, you've got the next part in your head, post it. I have got an interesting tale about a Baron of Hell and a sofa bed I wrote as one of my assignment essays for psychoanalysis at uni, if you're interested? Surely there's a story about Bin Laden just waiting to be written as well... ?

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It's not that I want the tale to become a whole community story. I'm running out of ideas, and I need more! Writer's block is a horrible thing.

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Damn, you're a good writer, love every minute of your stories! Hope you haven't given up yet, 'cause I'd be sad to discover that the story was never finished.

I'm not really good at coming up with ideas myself, but how about at some point of your story having 'our heroes' coming across bits of another computer log that describes the 'trouble' with the gateways, or at least briefly touches those issues.

About this point of the story (I'm afraid this is the lamest of my ideas), I suggest that the marines just fire at the Barons, only to find out that their weapons don't do much damage, so they try to flee from them, and then somehow find a way to bag the Barons.

And I wish somebody would put the heavier weapons (like the rocket launcher and the plasma rifle) into their story. In most of the stories I've read, the hero(es) uses only the pistol or the shotgun.

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And I wish somebody would put the heavier weapons (like the rocket launcher and the plasma rifle) into their story. In most of the stories I've read, the hero(es) uses only the pistol or the shotgun.


You DID read the Community Story, right?

Let's hear it for a gatling gun!

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You DID read the Community Story, right?

Let's hear it for a gatling gun!


Ok, the chaingun (as I prefer to call it) has been used as well, but not very much, and yes I've read the community story - was pretty ok, but that last bit about seeing it all from the ipm's point of view kinda tipped me off (sorry to the contributor to that part, I just don't like to see the demons as 'thinking' monsters).

I admit that I kinda understand leaving the BFG out (if I could get myself arsed to write a story I *would* perhaps put it in, but chances are that it'll degenerate my story).

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Hey,

Thanks, Dsm, for the kind words. I'm also glad that someone took it upon himself to not only give me reason to go on with the tale, but to give me ideas for the future as well.

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You DID read the Community Story, right?

Let's hear it for a gatling gun!


Ok, the chaingun (as I prefer to call it) has been used as well, but not very much, and yes I've read the community story - was pretty ok, but that last bit about seeing it all from the ipm's point of view kinda tipped me off (sorry to the contributor to that part, I just don't like to see the demons as 'thinking' monsters).

I admit that I kinda understand leaving the BFG out (if I could get myself arsed to write a story I *would* perhaps put it in, but chances are that it'll degenerate my story).


The gatling gun is different from a chaingun - it's more like a cross between a chaingun and a railgun. :->

And I agree that the imp bit was a little off. We've already asked that the story be backtracked to BEFORE the Imp.

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Hey,

Thanks, Dsm, for the kind words. I'm also glad that someone took it upon himself to not only give me reason to go on with the tale, but to give me ideas for the future as well.


- You're very welcome, it's really in my own interest as I really love reading good doom-related stories, keep up the good work (if you can find a way out of that horrible writer's block)!

And I agree that the imp bit was a little off. We've already asked that the story be backtracked to BEFORE the Imp.


- Really? Good news! Then maybe I've got a chance to contribute to it :-D

I have been thinking of writing another "Doom-retelling" myself, but I've reached the conclusion that it takes a lot of time to write a decent story (and so far I'm not devoted enough), also too many of my ideas that I've got in my head are, like, reworked versions of many of Tek's and Wildman's ideas, so I don't want to write a story where I "stole" other writers' ideas.

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Have you read the thread "Another Doom Compilation?"

It's a compilation of all the chapters up to chapter 5, I think. I've not worked on the story for months now; I've lost interest. I haven't written anything lately. I never have the time anymore, though I might restart the story where I left off or start another, shorter story later on. I don't know.

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Uhhh ooops!
I couldn't find your stories because I had the forum display set to last 100 days instead of last year, d'oh!

Seems like dsm's stupidity cannot be concealed!

Anyway Tek: Yes I've read your "Another Doom Story Compilation" (actually quite a while before I signed up)

Btw, shall I try and come up with more ideas for your story?

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Nah.

I'm thinking that I'll put this on the backburner for awhile, because I've come up with an idea for a better story than this one, original in terms of perspective.

If you wondered how Earth's residents reacted to the invasion, you might want to read this.

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Sounds interesting!
Looking forward to read it :-)
I hope you'll return to this story ("another Doom story") one day.

ALERT: SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION AHEAD!

Actually I ought to thank you Tek. Your story has provided me with lots of inspiration for my own story.
If you've read it, I'd love to get some feedback (comments, suggestions) from you as I could use some good advice from the "top-notch" writers like yourself.

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