Virtual Doom

[thekiller901]

In the year (Who gives a crap), a few nerds made a Virtual Reality Helmet (witch they called a Dream Manipulator or D.R. Helmet) that you put on at night and would work wile you sleep, and then they put Doom 3 on it.

The following takes place in the game.

V.D.#1: You Didn't ask.

[The team has gathered in the Common Area]

Player#5: You know, Mars City looks cool and all but it's kind of boring. Hey operator?

Operator: Yes?

Player#5: Do you think you could put some monsters in the game?

Operator: Yeah, hold on. OK, there are now monsters in the game.

Player#1: Alright!

Player#3: Yes!

Player#4: Time to kill!

Player#2: Where are the guns?

Player#5: Hey yeah, I've been all over this place and there are no weapons, hey operator?

Operator: Yeah?

Player#5: Where are the guns?

Operator: There are no guns.

Player#2: WHAT!?

Player#3: You put monsters in, but didn’t put guns in?

Operator: You did not ask for any weapons.

Player#1: Give us the weapons, right now!

Operator: Alright, geez. Complain, complain, complain. First you want monsters, then you want guns, what next? Ammo?

Player#4: AMMO? OF COURSE WE WANT AMMO! Where did we find this guy?

Player#1: And why did we hire him to be the operator?

Player#5: Because he's the only person we know who stays awake all night!

[thekiller901]

V.D.#2: A Grim Situation

[Sometime after getting their monsters, weapons, and ammo; a gun fight breaks out in the Underground Junction]

Player#2: RETREAT!

Player#3: OH CRAP! OH CRAP! OH CRAP! OH CRAP! OH CRAP!

[Later players 2 and 3 come running into the restroom]

Player#2: Quick, John, (pant) lock the door.

Player#3: OK, Adrian, (pant) it’s locked (pant). Lets assess (pant) the (pant) situation; (pant) What just
happened (pant)?

Player#2: (pant) I don’t (pant) know, (pant) hey, Operator.

Operator: Yes, are you having fun doing onto others before they do onto you?

Player#2: Well, (pant) actually we have (pant) a problem.

Operator: Let me guess, you ran out monsters to kill?

Player#3: Far from it.

Operator: You got all the weapons and you can’t find any monsters?

Player#2: That’s not the problem (pant) either.

Operator: You are being chased down a yellow brick road by a little old lady on a Hoover vacuum cleaner?

Player#3: No. Wait, are we supposed to be getting chased down a yellow brick road by a little old lady on a Hoover vacuum cleaner?

Operator: No, I just said that to see what would happen. So what is the problem?

Player#2: We’re down to two guys, Donna, Dave, and Shawn where taken out when we where ambushed. We need reinforcements.

Operator: That may take some time, but I’ll get right on it

Player#3: Well can’t you just send us a few-

Operator: Don’t even bother suggesting the Sentry Bots, they still can’t tell the difference between you and a monster. By the way, how many monsters did you kill in this ambush?

Player#2: Well, uh . . .

Operator: You didn’t get any, did you?

Player#2: Uh, no, not really.

Operator: Well, you did get the BFG 9000s that were down there, right?

Player#3: Sort of.

Operator: What do you mean by that?

Player#3: Uh, while we were testing the one out the trigger got jammed and it blew up, and the rest were taken by the monsters in the ambush.

Operator: (sigh) Do you have any weapons?

Player#3: I have a flashlight and a pistol. How about you, Adrian?

Player#2: Me!? I was planning to mooch off everyone else.

Operator: Hold please.

[thekiller901]

V.D.#3: Player#6

[Somewhere in the real world at an undisclosed home in front of a computer]

Operator: (sigh) These idiots are hopeless.

Mom: Elizabeth, time for bed.

Player#6: OK, mom, I’ll be up as soon as I clear this level.

[Player#6 is a 9 year old playing DOOM 1 on a PS1 and is slaughtering demon after demon]

Operator: I think I just found the reinforcements.

[Meanwhile back at the restroom]

Player#2: So why do you want to kill them all, I mean, they’re only simulations.

Player#3: Because, not only did they take out our friends, but they made me, the leader, look like an idiot.

Player#2: I thought you managed that all by yourself. (ha ha ha)

[A bullet goes whizzing past Player#2’s head]

Player#2: WHOA!

Player#3: You make another joke like that, it will be your last!

[Meanwhile back in the real world]

Player#6: Let’s see, kills . . . perfect 100%. I’m satisfied now.

[Player#6 was on her way up to bed when she got a little “sidetracked”]

Operator: Hey, sis, you got a minute?

Player#6: yeah.

Operator: How would you like to continue your little killing spree all night?

Player#6: You heard what Mom said, time for bed.

Operator: I know, but that’s the beauty of the whole thing, you can play this thing while you sleep.

Player#6: Say what!?

Operator: Shh, keep your voice down.

Player#6: Sorry, but how does one play games while asleep?

Operator: Well there’s this nerd called John, and a couple of other geeks-

Player#6: Wait a minute, is this the John Roe that lives next door to us?

Operator: Yes, now would you let me tell the story?

Player#6: Sorry.

Operator: Thank you, now where was I?

Player#6: John and a few other subhumans.

Operator: Thanks, anyway they made a virtual reality helmet of sorts that’s hooked up to the Internet that you put on right before you fall asleep and it Manipulates your Dreams. They call it a Dream Manipulator.

Player#6: (Sarcastic) Wow, they really thought outside the box when they named it.

Operator: That’s what I said, so you want to do it?

Player#6: Sure, why not.

Operator: Alright, I just have to talk to John and we‘re all set.