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Maes

Most kickass obituaries

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I don't know which WAD has the most hardcore obituaries, however my favourite ones are the ones from Mock 2: the speed of stupid and ofc Doomguy's Pimp Ventures II..

Mithral Daemon also has some cool obituaries in his sig, but I don't know where those are from.

Edit: I read his reply about them being made up after I posted this. Meh.

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Maes, I made them up, since no one else thought of them..You should make that into a map if you want to, I don't care, just as long it doesn't kill me. Oh, you said Avatar, you mean my sig. =p

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Yeah, I read your reply a bit too late, and corrected the sig/avatar bit. Good quote though :-p

In any case, here are the obituaries from cybie2.deh:

OB_IMPHIT = %o was brutally fisted by a horny brown gypsy imp.
OB_SHOTGUY = %o caught some hot manly magnum buckshot and loved it.
OB_CHAINGUY = %o enjoyed being anally raped by a chubby chaingunner's heavy weaponry.
OB_BARONHIT = %o was bitch-slapped by a bad mothafucka nigga pimp's 'assgetball, dawg.
OB_BARON = %o was not gangstah 'nuff and took a bad mothafucka nigga pimp's 'assgetball in da ass
OB_WOLFSS = %o was anally dominated by the Master Race. SIEG HEIL!
OB_EXIT = it's over, at last...but you really enjoyed it :-D
OB_SLIME = %o came in contact with some gonorrhea infected sewage.
OB_LAVA = %o was stupid enough to fall into a pit. Die, you fucker.
OB_BARREL = haha so you stop ruining other peoples' cars :-)
OB_SPLASH = haha so you stop ruining other peoples' cars :-)
OB_KILLEDSELF = %o, your da shit, nigga.
OB_CYBORG = %o didn't realize the importance of foreplay.

I think these are totally awesome, although in some the effort really shows, especially the "ghetto" ones :-)

From mock2...well, just a few, omitting deathmatch obituaries:

OB_IMPHIT = was gratuitously raped by an imp
OB_ZOMBIE = GOT FUXORED BY TEH ZOMBIEMAN AHHAA %g IS SUK
OB_IMP = SUX! %g GOT KILLED BY TEH IMPS, LOLO
OB_CACO = was de-spleen-ified by one of those flying things
OB_SHOTGUY = was brutally pumped full of a Shotgun Sargeant's hot manly lead (Legendary!)
OB_CHAINGUY = found death staring at teh chaingun sargeant's b3ard
OB_CYBORG = got cyb0r-r0xxeted for great justice.
OB_SPIDER = isn't sexy woman after all. It were lies!!111
OB_BABY = was intensely annoyed by arachtron, uh anactron, uhh anarchotorn..
OB_UNDEAD = thought his 1337 skills included outrunning revenant firebals. hah! only Adam Hegyi can do that, fucker
OB_DEMONHIT = found out teh hard way about french kissing a demon, ewww!
OB_SPECTREHIT = found out the hard way about french kissing a spectre. is just a kinky demon disguised to fool you
OB_CACOHIT = got eat3n by a tomatoe! chuck, chuck, chuck . . .

OB_FALLING = did0nt think teh happy thoughts.
OB_WATER = dr0wnd! LOL! %s is sux! j00 cann0t swim LOL :P I am g0ld ribb0n swimmar and i swimzz teh circ0l arond j00 l0sar! HAHA! Sux.

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I remember Cybercrime 3 had an obituary when you died from heights "%o took a leap of faith." Invasion UAC also had a obituary for suicide "%o might have wanted to meet God.". Thats all that comes to my mind so far.

Mith, whats the lines about 1 weapon 52 imps, or something?

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Xaechireon said:

Mith, whats the lines about 1 weapon 52 imps, or something?


All of how many monsters i've killed with specific weapons, like Railgun from SkullTag port/Quake I have killed 52 since this weapon goes through enemies at same time killing them.

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The "1 railgun shot, 52 imps" bit was probably inspired by an older thread of mine, where I asked what was the most impressive kill even accomplished, and whether the legendary "a shell, an imp" is always possible (in fact, it's not).

From that point on, it got parodied in a lot of ways, such as "2 shells, 3 imps", "1 baron plasma, 1 Doom Marine", etc.

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"The pinky demon didn't want to give %o a blowjob"
"Haha! %o got his ass kicked by a pink goat!"

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Maes said:
whether the legendary "a shell, an imp" is always possible (in fact, it's not).

It was ducon's signature, and it wasn't ever considered "always possible"; it's just common (and convenient; the id guys designed the weapon attack and the monster to bear that relation), as long as you aim well and not from far away, and you're not rather unlucky with the random damage (and the blockmap glitch). Plus on that thread we observed that 1 shell, 1 Lost soul (or Player) isn't really as rare as it appeared.

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Hmm...let's see...the thread is not quite 2 months old yet...so I can elaborate:

How cool would an obituary such as :

"Doomguy caught some hot manly magnum buckshot and thoroughly enjoyed it"

be?

BTW, is it possible to have vocal/audio obituaries? That gives me an idea ;-)

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I'd rather have 100 obituaries for each means of death, instead of one. As for vocal obituaries - it'd be like a varied "If you only knew the power of the dark side!" from SWSFX, or you could try AIRSOUND for vocal madness...

Even better if there'd be TWO tough vocal obituaries, replacing the death sounds, both as DS and DP. That way it would work on all engines including vanilla. And monsters who switch to their spawn frames after killing someone to say something too, also via sounds.

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I think one obituary base per general event should work out pretty well, like "The Marine was killed by a Hell knight" or "The Marine died in the slime", maybe with variations for gibbing ("The Marine was destroyed by the Cyberdemon") or DeathMatch/Cooperative ("The Marine was fragged by John Romero").

PS: "The Marine" is what I usually use for the Player, and not a generic (fixed) name.

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kristus said:

You had vocal "obituaries" in Daikatana, very annoying.


Well, it wasn't so bad in Blood. Then again they didn't put a filter on someone's voice

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Anything vocal (that isn't a roar or growl etc) in doom usually kills the entire game, unless its a joke.

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EANB said:

Anything vocal (that isn't a roar or growl etc) in doom usually kills the entire game, unless its a joke.


Cybie2.wad has a lot of vocal stuff, but it really suits the mood of the map :-)

BTW, I'm trying to record some vocal obituaries based on my favourite cybie2 ones. I will post a few links when I have them ready :-p

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Maes said:

OB_CACOHIT = got eat3n by a tomatoe! chuck, chuck, chuck . . .

This one makes me laugh every time.

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leileilol said:

cybie2 is dumb would you just get over it already it's not funny anymore


No ur wrong cuz cybie2 si teh pawn adn the hax and si teh bettar mpa evar maed.

*cough cough* seriously, I think it's one of the best and most elaborate jokewads ever made, although calling it a jokewad is a bit diminishing: it's funny without being badly mapped or pseudo-1337 and is literally jam-packed with secret bits and minor details not found in any other jokewad. I don't think something like that gets old easily, to the point of having to "get over it".

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