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Nightmare Doom

ED's Furry Fucking Guide To Metal!!!!

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The puppetry is pretty good, and I laughed so much when they went through the kinds of metal. :D

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Heh, not bad. Sometimes I wonder if the whole metal scene is some kind of huge joke.

Snarboo said:

The puppetry is pretty good, and I laughed so much when they went through the kinds of metal. :D

That reminds me of this kid in my weight training class back in high school who was a self-professed expert on metal and he'd be like "there's death metal, black metal, gore metal, corpse metal, viscera metal, necrophagia metal, necrophilia metal, blood metal..." on and on. From what I gathered, any change in lyrics would result in another genre. ROFL

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I LOL'd.

Danarchy said:

That reminds me of this kid in my weight training class back in high school who was a self-professed expert on metal and he'd be like "there's death metal, black metal, gore metal, corpse metal, viscera metal, necrophagia metal, necrophilia metal, blood metal..." on and on. From what I gathered, any change in lyrics would result in another genre. ROFL


There's really no such thing as 'gore metal' or 'necrophilia metal'; people just make that shit up to be 'cool' or 'tr00' while failing miserably. There are plenty of metal sub-genres nonetheless - just not any of the shit the 'expert' you knew mentioned past death and black metal. ;)

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This reminds me so much of the horrible event I had to endure for 4 hours that involved the bands DevilDriver and NapalmDeath. Is there any more of a way to make yourself seem like a complete joke when playing an instrument? "Blackmetal" "Grindcore" How about no.

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I was trying to add this really sexy guy on Myspace but he denied me, so i actually read his profile... one of the things he said was that metal was "the only truly poetic artform remaining", fuck off you thick twat

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Nightmare Doom said:

This is probably the most reliable guide to metal I seen yet...

*Youtube video*

This is the most reliable guide to metal:
Don't waste time fucking around trying to figure out sub-genres. Stick to the basic ones. Or even better, just listen to it. That is the point of music, to listen to it.

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i like metal a lot but i dont understand metalheads

i just like the music a lot
and i play guitar

some guitarists for metal bands are very talented

i predominantly listen to classical now though.

i dont listen to rap because its not very musical.

devildriver isnt metal either.
metal is not a poetic artform its music.

um

there is one kind of metal.

its called metal.
everything else is not metal.

then there is rock. and it rocks.

then there is reggae. and its good too.

then there is.
something
i like metal


uhhh
so....


yeah.


this one dude in my wieght training class

hes actually my teacher

he is an asshole.

and this other dude in my weight training class
he thinks he is hell of strong
but he isnt


then there is this guy named bill...



carry on my wayward son.

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Butts said:

...a bunch of stuff that shows why you shouldn't get on the internet when you're drunk/high.

K.

BTW, the puppets make this video rule.

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Bloodskull said:

This reminds me so much of the horrible event I had to endure for 4 hours that involved the bands DevilDriver and NapalmDeath. Is there any more of a way to make yourself seem like a complete joke when playing an instrument? "Blackmetal" "Grindcore" How about no.


lol
the video is pretty funny though

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Has Ed produced any other guides? he seems to know what he's talking about. :-)

Good stuff!

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GreyGhost said:

Has Ed produced any other guides? he seems to know what he's talking about. :-)

Good stuff!


Apparently the user's only been around a month, we'll see more soon I hope! The video was excellent.

Danarchy said:

From what I gathered, any change in lyrics would result in another genre. ROFL


While that guy at your high school was obviously a big elitist douchebag and those genres aren't really significant/existent, metal is actually one of those genres which has a huge amount of subgenres, every one being quite unique.

Anyone who says otherwise has a very myopic view of metal and has only heard certain artists and certain styles.

Just like if you were to say all classical music sounds like Mozart (arguably the most iconic/popular composer, not necessarily the best...). In fact I think classical is the only genre bigger than metal, difference being that 75% of classical doesn't suck. And there's another comparison - in volume to suckage ratio, metal's got it pretty bad. Classical on the other hand has SO MUCH material and mostly all of it is good to amazing.

Not that all this nomenclature nonsense really matters in the end, but hey, retarded pointless arguments about genre aside, we gotta have a way to classify our music, and there ARE historically proper ways to do so.

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Nick Perrin said:

While that guy at your high school was obviously a big elitist douchebag and those genres aren't really significant/existent, metal is actually one of those genres which has a huge amount of subgenres, every one being quite unique.


I have a good friend who is a metal fiend (and actually played in a couple of small metal bands) who says that the only differences between the genres are the subject matter of the lyrics and the time signature/tempo. Most metal music heavily rehashes chord progressions and even riffs.

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Bloodskull said:

This reminds me so much of the horrible event I had to endure for 4 hours that involved the bands DevilDriver and NapalmDeath.

Sounds awesome.

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Since this seems to be becoming a discussion of whether or not metal subgenres all sound alike, I've taken a few minutes to scratch together some examples of different types. Take a listen and judge for yourself.

I know that I've left out some of the possible subgenres and such but this is a quick job. I've tried to pick bands that are emblematic of or at least well known within their subgenre but I don't claim to be a metal expert so if you disagree with my choices... ok.

Heavy Metal: Iron Maiden - Can I Play With Madness
Thrash Metal: Metallica - Ride The Lightning
Black Metal: Burzum - Key To The Gate
Death Metal: Cannibal Corpse - Sentenced To Burn
Power Metal: Rhapsody - Emerald Sword
Gothic Metal: For My Pain... - Tomorrow Is Closed Gate

P.S. The OP vid was quite funny!

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Dr. Zin said:

I have a good friend who is a metal fiend (and actually played in a couple of small metal bands) who says that the only differences between the genres are the subject matter of the lyrics and the time signature/tempo. Most metal music heavily rehashes chord progressions and even riffs.


That's a pretty silly claim. Listen to the Burzum and Cannibal Corpse mp3s in the post above.

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Dr. Zin said:

I have a good friend who is a metal fiend (and actually played in a couple of small metal bands) who says that the only differences between the genres are the subject matter of the lyrics and the time signature/tempo. Most metal music heavily rehashes chord progressions and even riffs.

Nick Perrin said:

Anyone who says otherwise has a very myopic view of metal and has only heard certain artists and certain styles.


I stand by what I said earlier.
This "metal fiend" is obviously only a fiend of what he knows to be metal.

While I was never a player in a "real" metal band, I wrote what has been described by a random metalhead as "progressive post-black" metal, for a good while as a "one-man band" called Haunted Era. If you'd like to hear it sometime(although my new music [orchestral stuff] is much better heheh), you'll see it's not 100% meat & potatoes metal, and there are many more far more experimental bands. Just let me know before I drop an unwarranted self-plug link to the music. Despite the fact I haven't worked on that metal project in years...

REAL subgenres, not this super-specific crap that was mentioned in my original post, share a lot of things, sure, but all subgenres do in any type of music. However, the biggest similarities are not melodic or similar things, it's the instrumentation that ties it all together, and even THAT changes with time and experimentation in metal.

I have a good friend who listens to bands like Metallica, Iron Maiden etc, undeniably metal, but wouldn't listen to my favourite metal bands (despite them being muuuuuch better IMO).... Now I just bore him with the names of romantic/post-romantic composers haha...

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I know that I've left out some of the possible subgenres


I should think so, you didnt even mention Necrophagic Brutalcore, as typified by the bands Miasmic Harbinger and Apocrychal Enticement

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Slightly diverging the topic at hand, I always thought Type O Negative was metal, though some people (like Tom_D I think) said I was wrong. But recently I realised that they're actually psychedelic rock played like metal with the kind of instruments you'd use for metal (with the occasional organ or sitar). Not saying they're not metal, but I think their roots are probably elsewhere, especially considering they cite the Beatles as their greatest influence.

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Type O is Goth Rock. I don't think it would qualify as Psychadelic, unless you can name another modern example.

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This is probably the most interesting and civil discussion on metal I've seen. I'm not a metal head and barely know anything, but it's still cool. :)

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ok a serious post this time.

yes, metal is very diverse and there are lots of subgenres and such, but there are really only two kinds of metal -- metal you do like, or metal you dont like, only one type if you dont like metal at all. some people go to ridiculous extents to classify metal as specifically as possible when they dont really need to, like coming up with all these terms like folk metal and viking metal. those are both just regular metal, even if there is a cultural influence in their music or something. people seem to go so far as a different tone in guitar is a new genre, then pretty soon every single metal band will be a different genre or something.

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Bucket said:

Type O is Goth Rock. I don't think it would qualify as Psychadelic, unless you can name another modern example.

Well not psychedelic in the modern concept, but I mean, they sound a lot like the Beatles or the Who or Bowie if you just listen to their song structure.

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