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40oz

Last Words

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Let's assume you are meeting your demise, whatever it may be. You could be suffering from an interminable illness, or you could be next in line on death row, or whatever other death you prefer.

You know you've only got seconds of free will before you are wiped clean off the planet forever. No one has the ability to restrain what you do or say. All your actions are viewable for all the world to see, and hear.

What would you do and what would you say?

Personally, I was thinking something along the lines of what Carl Panzram said before his execution in 1930, "The only thanks you or your kind will ever get from me for your efforts on my behalf, is that I wish you all had one neck and that I had my hands on it." I wouldn't want to steal this guys quote, but instead construct something that is remotely similar, except something more along the lines of my hatred of money. But I do know I'd withdraw all the money I have under my name and burn it in front of everyone.

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If my (hypothetical) children were standing over me, and I was dying, and I knew I had just enough time to say one last thing...I'd try to completely mess with their heads. I'd try to convince them that their mother is actually their sister, or that I was D.B. Cooper, or that my very life is tied to an explosive device hidden under the house that will explode the moment I decide to flat-line.

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I might do any of these:

"The horror...the horror!"
"My one regret in life is that I never got to murder anybody I hate."
"The gold is buried...at...the...uunnnnhhhhh..."
"And now...to activate the world's first fusion reactor!"
"I hope Hell is more interesting than any of you people."
"Son...I hope you don't mind that I left my entire estate to the mafia. It was that or we both sleep with the fishes."
"I was THIS close to winning The Game!"

Actually, I don't think I'd say any of these. But it's fun to pretend I would.

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- Hmmm...I wonder what this button does....
- I told you nitroglicerin was safe to swallow! What? 50 bucks to punch me in the gut? Why not!
- Tell my wife....that I said.....'you're not in the will'....
- WHAAAAA!! (Doomguy style)
- Team killing fucktard...
- Ah shit...I forgot to save!
- Before I go...there's one thing you should know....I'm...I'm...ugghhh.......HAHA!! FOOLED YOU! AHAHA! You should've seen the look on your face! Ahaha..ah...

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Nobody else would just stare dramatically and silently? It think that would say as much as anything else.

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This is something I've thought about. I often think of some clever quip that would make a decent finisher, but none of them succeed at accurately capturing my personality or the human condition. So, I've moved beyond the whole "last words" paradigm. Here's a couple other ideas I have.

1. With my final breath, I will muster a scream. A spine-chilling, bone rattling scream, beyond anything that even an experienced proctologist could have heard before. This scream will shatter my throat, my lungs, my jaw; it will contain all the pain and anguish and absurdity of having been brought into existence only to be cruelly snuffed out again.

2. Before collapsing on my pillow and closing my eyes for the last time, I'll sit up, and give a present wellwisher a wide grin and a lecherous wink.

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it really depends on what the manner of death is, but it would probably be "god damn it".

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Please, please, please don't sexually reproduce! Srsly guys... plz..

Oh, and someone make sure to note what time I died so that people can make fun of me. TimeOf6:45, lol noob.

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"At least I'm not a bowl of petunias or a whale this time."

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"Damn.. I lost the game." - Related by a mass game that is really inevitable.
"Uhmmm.... Bye.."
"Hell wins a new worshipper!" - That would piss my parents off and most of my family. (Rofl)
"Why didn't Flash Gordon die..."
or...
"God damnit... I died for the millionth time..."

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If it was a girl I'd just say the same thing my friend would say. "Show me your boobs damn it."

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I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion, C-Beams glittering over the Tannhauser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time, to die.

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